Should I come clean about the father of my child?

Kate - posted on 02/07/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have an 10 year old boy. I have recently realised that the person I thought was his father isn't. I was raped by my friends boyfriend and I have come to realise that this man is in fact the father of my 10year old. The person who thinks is the father hasn't been with me as a partner for the whole of my childs life. He sees him 3 times a year but my son loves him very much and he is very very close to this mans mother. They have both financially supported him all his life. The person who has thought he is my childs father has married and has two children of his own, but he recently asked me if my child was really his as he felt in his gut that it wasn't the case. He doesn't want to lose our son but also doesn't want to be living a lie. I told him that I had no doubts that he was the father. I then went home and realised that the time when I woke up drugged and naked with someone else I had been raped without knowing. The dates fit and he looks like this other man. What do I do? Do I come clean? Do I admit to everyone my huge mistake, so many people will hate me and my son will surely become very messed up. Although the man he thinks is his father doesn't really spend time with him and doesn't really want much to do with him, its his grandma who I worry about. I have a partner who I have another child with, I have told him about this and he said that he would adopt my boy as his own, but he feels I need to be honest or living the lie will give me cancer. I would love some advice or to hear if anyone else has gone through a similar thing. Do I speak the truth or hang on to the lie. Or do I speak the truth in years to come? This is killing me inside.

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Dove - posted on 02/07/2016

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The first thing you do is get a DNA test. At this point you do not KNOW who the biological father is for sure... you only have your suspicions.

Once you do know the truth... yes, everyone in this situation has a right to know what the truth is. If I were you I would seek counseling to figure out when and how is the best time to talk to your son. There may also be legal complications for your current partner to adopt the child that will need to be sorted out w/ the help of a lawyer.

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Kate - posted on 02/07/2016

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Thank you. Thats a good idea to seek help about when my child should know. Yes i will seek a DNA test, but to do this I have to alert the guy who thinks he is the father. Iam very very very sure that he is not the father.

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