Should I continue with these visitations?

Lucas' - posted on 02/12/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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So..here's the story. My 7 month old son's father is not... well.. the BEST father. When we met, he admitted he smoked marijuana, but quit our entire relationship. After the baby shower, he left and started hooking up with young girls at his work. He even admitted they were ugly and unpleasant to have sex with... That I'm better and so forth. So, I didn't understand why he left to begin with. He also has 2 other children by 2 other women in which he abandoned. One passed away at 3 months. He told me that one wasn't his and the mother never let him see the other... I believed him and was all for letting him "have a baby he actually got to see". He wasn't there to see my son's birth because he told everyone work came first. When he came in, he was wearing a cast that he claimed he beat someone up for me over someone calling me a whore. He later admitted he started smoking pot again and got caught with it in his car and punched a wall out of anger..

He tells his mother I won't let him see him, when in reality, he schedules visitations over and over.. But cancels them every time. I would take him to his house for the first 5 months of his life. But, he would invite friends over to smoke weed and ignore his son or he'd have his gf pick him up and leave. He would also yell at me to come to his room Infront of family to cover up him wanting to make moves on me. Then I noticed they developed a roach problem and the cat urine smell in the house. Then, they got more dogs that have worms. He started punching holes all in the walls and him and his young sibling drew all over the walls when they got high. I stopped feeling comfortable going to him after all of this. We agreed to start meeting whenever he wanted at a mutual friends home, but he either cancels or only visits for 15 minutes. It's getting to the point where my son calls his best friend "da da". He used to be consistent with his job, but has had 6 jobs since he left.

Should I continue to do these visitations..? I'm doing this 100% on my own. I have full custody but I do everything I can for my son, but part of me feels this is setting my son up for disappointment.

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Sarah - posted on 02/13/2016

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You may have to pay a filing fee, but it would not be more than 20 dollars to file. I can't imagine he take your child from you just to be mean. Parenting is a very difficult job and one you don't take on out of spite. Get your business taken care of in court. If you can't figure it out, contact Legal Aid for your state or county. Many lawyers will do pro-bono or sliding scale fee for service.

Jodi - posted on 02/13/2016

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If he collects the child just to see his mother, then that's his choice. It's a positive thing that your child gets to have a relationship with his grandmother. The threatening to take you to court is not a threat, it is a sensible step to take when parents split up in order to establish custody and visitation.

Lucas' - posted on 02/13/2016

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He doesn't want to see him, but his mother does. He brings her every time and ignores him, but he would happily fight for custody just to hurt me. He's very manipulative and has threatened to take me to court, so I've saved up any evidence I need in case. He did this for his first son, but eventually gave rights up. Lately, he's been telling me he won't take me to court and apologized. Where I live, it's a mother state, but you still shouldn't keep father from child for no reason. We have not gone to court, I wasn't expecting him to ignore his child. Part of me thinks I should just tell him to come to my home whenever, bc I get tired of driving far off to get cancelled on. The other feels bad for my son.

Sarah - posted on 02/12/2016

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Get this ironed out in court. You don't need a lawyer. File petition for child support and file for sole physical custody. If he wants more he can earn it through supervised visitation. Sadly, you cannot keep his son from him, he has just as much right to parent as you do so the sooner you get a court order outlining when and where he get to see his child the better.

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