Should i cut off Spiteful "babyfather"?

Nessa - posted on 01/07/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I know this is a tricky subject and i know that there are woman that stop dads seeing their kids out of spite for no good reason. I was with my sons dad for 7 years. My son is nearly 4 now. We broke up just over a year ago because he was a serial cheat and i could not forgive him for getting another woman pregnant whilst we were together also i was pregnant with my son. Initially after i found out of his betrayal (i was 5 months pregnant with our son) i tried to work it out with him for the sake of our son. He was an "ok" dad to our son whilst we were together, but since i left him he does not really bother with him. We had a arrangement that he has his son every other weekend, but he never sticks to it. Just to add he has another son from a previous relationship that he has more or less every weekend. He hardly asks to have my son, and when he does its always last minute. He was made redundant in 2014, so he was not financially supporting our son. At first i was supportive and advised he try and get a job as financially i was finding it difficult to buy food, clothes, pay bills aswell as our sons nursery fees. I work and i try really hard to support our son and my son from a previous relationship. So basically he did not help financially for all of 2015 and the ending months of 2014. I recently found out that he is working so i confronted him and told him he needs to step up financially. To cut a long story short... He gave me £40 laughed and said that its for our son to last the month and whilst laughing said if i go to csa i will b getting much less. This was all said whilst laughing evilly. He knows that i am struggling to support my boys. I work really hard and will continue to. My view on this is if he barely bothers with our son and somehow believes he come in and out of his life whilst justifying £40 a month is reasonable for his child. He doesnt care about him. He clearly wants him to suffer so why have this man around my child?
He clearly favors his first son.

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Jodi - posted on 01/07/2016

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Deadbeat or not, mothers don't have the right to just cut off the father. They have the right to file for custody in court and have visitation removed, but they can't make the decision to do it themselves. If you decide to stop visitation, HE could file in court, provide evidence you aren't allowing visits (parental alienation) and you could potentially lose custody - people have lost custody altogether doing this. It backfires. So do NOT take this decision on yourself.

If he is not paying child support, file for it. But not paying is also not a reason to remove him from his son's life. Your child isn't up for rent. Payment in exchange for visitations is treating the child like a commodity available for purchase or rent. Not okay,

So, my advice? Establish custody and visitation orders through the courts and follow it.

Dove - posted on 01/07/2016

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'Should' you cut him off from his child's life? No. Your son deserves to have a relationship w/ his father in spite of ANYTHING else that is or is not going on in either of your lives.

If you do not have a court order detailing custody, visitation, and child support... you really need to get one as soon as possible. Then whether or not he sees his child is completely on him... and if he does not pay child support it will eventually catch up to him and bite him in the butt.

You can not make a man be involved in the life of his child, but it really isn't your decision to not LET him be involved.

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Sarah - posted on 01/07/2016

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I don't know the legal system where you live. However in the US you can't just cut a father off unless you prove him to be unfit. File for child support, you are both obligated to provide for the child. File for sole custody, you may be awarded physical custody and he visitation. The only one who can keep you son from his father, is a judge or the father himself.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/07/2016

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Do you have court orders? If not, why not? You don't have any legally binding agreement if there are no court orders.

You need to get an attorney, get filed in court for custody, support and visitation.

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