Should I force my son to break up with girlfriend? they are teenagers

L R - posted on 10/12/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Where do I begin....



My son is 15 and fell hard for this sweet girl (same age). She is absolutely a doll however everything has a price... this little girl is verbally abused by her mom. When I say abused, I mean abused! Her mom I believe has a mental illness and thrives on causing trouble as well as making her daughter and my son sad. I have treated this little girl as I would treat my own. Her mom is always competing with my son regarding grades and awards!!! Yes!!! She wouldn't even attend an award ceremony because her child wasn't getting as many awards as she thought she should! Needless to say.... it has become impossible for me to even talk to her mom. When my son calls, she is mean and hangs up. Allows them to make plans and at the last minute, tells her child she cannot go! This child has no girlfriends because of her mom. I believe the she is now clinically depressed. My son has waited a whole month to see her and her mother has to have control over everything, including their phone calls. I am coming to you because I am not sure where to go.... I feel I cannot help her daughter but I feel that this has caused so much heartache to my son that I want him to let go. He is sitting by hoping things will change (as we know, they won't). Do I force him to stop all contact or just allow him to eventually let go? She swears and at yells at and he has not done anything wrong! They are both 98 average students and all they want is to be together and have fun.... They both are good kids..... PS.... other girls' moms love my son!..........So sad.

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L R - posted on 11/05/2012

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Just an update.... the son's little girlfriend is being more open about her home life however, all of this is taking a toll on my son. He feels as if he needs to protect her in school and basically has lost himself through this. Every time he talks to her on the phone, she is unable to speak and is short. He then takes it as if she is being mean. I have tried to reason with him and even threatened to place him in another school. He is top of his class as well all advance classes and is being picked over children 3 years older than him. Needless to say, he is doing so well in this school but he just cannot just focus on school and let her be. When she comes to school in the morning, she is very sad and hates the thought of going home. I am at a lost! There is no way in reasoning with my son to give her space. He has even lost friends due to the fact he has no time. HELP!!!!

L R - posted on 10/13/2012

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Kelly,

I just reread my replies and noticed that you have a girl turning 13 today and has a boyfriend that is not a virgin. I cannot imagine at that age that he is not a virgin. My son is definitely a virgin as well as this little girl. We do not allow them to go off on their own without someone else. At this age, hormones are crazy and I was young once myself (haha). I would not let them be behind closed doors! Keep your daughter pure... at this age, she would regret it. We have emphasized to our son that its disrespectful at this age to do anything that cannot be taken back (virginity). I would keep an eye on her boyfriend.....

L R - posted on 10/12/2012

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Thank you Ariana for your comment. I agree and that is why I have kept so quiet. If there is a love at this age, he definitely has it! She trusts him and knows how he feels...she feels the same but is not allowed to express herself (per her mom). The sad part is that even the school is aware of her mom..... I am hoping that the poor little child will find her way to break through and live with her dad but as it stands, she's afraid. Many blessings to you all.

Ariana - posted on 10/12/2012

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I don't think telling your son to stop seeing this girl is an appropriate step. If anything he will try harder to see her behind your back and feel like you are turning against him.



Life is hard. Your son is young and this girl is not getting him into trouble. He will learn that he can't fix everything, he can't always have what he wants. It is up to him to decide whether or not he feels like he should be in this relationship or not. Your son will let go when he's ready to let go.



You telling him he can't see her will most likely just make him resentful of you and make it even harder for him to let go of her.



Plus it's sort of like helping in the punishment of this girl for you to isolate her even more. Her mother is obviously controlling.



You can try to call DHS or whatever it is in your area, but if you don't have any evidence they may not be able to do anything.



If you, or obviously, your son speaks with this girl you could always try to convince her to go talk to her school councellor for help. Even if authorities can't get involved, having the school or school councellor call the mom in can help get people aware of the situation and keep the mother in check a bit.



It is a very sad situation. Try to help this girl and be there to support your son. Forcing your hand and making him break up with this girl is not the answer. It will cause him to either be very resentful or just go behind your back and realize he can't trust you with other personal information.

Kelly - posted on 10/12/2012

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Well, you can't really force a person to do anything. I totally understand though. I would feel the same. Your involvement is right on. But maybe if you turn the tables on him and just sit back and watch for awhile. Try not to tell him what to do about his girlfriend and maybe that will be pull enough for him to relize for himself. It will be a challange on your part, but you can do it.!!! I think somebody would help this girl if they called dhs for help. But I understand it's hard.

L R - posted on 10/12/2012

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Thank you Kelly, as a matter of fact, there have been discussions with DHS by others. Her father won't even get involved because he said it would make it harder on the girl! (parents divorced). I cannot help her anymore but I don't know how to force my son to let go and not blame us for interfering. Thank you.

Kelly - posted on 10/12/2012

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Hi, sounds like a nightmare! I am not a DHS caller by anymeans. But, this sounds serious. Call DHS and let them finally get help for themselves. You can remain anonymous. And you can rid some of your stress cuz that may affect your health as well. One of my daughter's going to be 13 on Saturday. We had her boyfriend over for supper for the first time. He talked a lot about him and his family, so, really I know a bit about him. But it scares me cuz Ana is a virgin, and he has had sex before. He is in the ninth grade(15) He is a well mannered kid, but what really goes on behind closed doors when I can't always be around.idk I think I'm going to keep talking to this kid. lol But how far should I go ?

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