Should I get back with my daughters father when he gets out of jail?

BreAnna - posted on 02/16/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

3

0

0

Me and my daughters father been in a rocky relationship, both of us cheated, lie and so on. That was about 2 years ago. We broke up when I was pregnant because I decided to leave that life alone and attempt to move on. Now that im almost 21 and my daughter is 1, I have reconnected with her father and found out he was in jail. I still love him very very much and i would like to work things out. My daughters father and I have both grown up and realized that we made stupid mistakes back then. Should I give him a chance or should I just let him go?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jenni - posted on 02/17/2012

5,928

34

392

I'm not a big fan on revisiting old relationships. Generally speaking, they ended for a reason. And I don't need a reminder of why they ended. Of course, I can't tell you what's best for you. Just that I'm never a fan of this idea and I hold little hope that people change all that drastically over a few years.



But I will caution you, IF you do decide to get back with him. Take it very slow. Don't start playing house the moment he gets out of jail. You want this to have as little impact on your child as possible until you are secure in the relationship. You also want to be sure you're modelling for your daughter what a healthy relationship looks like. And I'm not so certain that can be accomplished with a man who has such an unstable track record.



Just keep in mind that our hearts (emotions) can sometimes override common sense.

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2012

1,258

14

164

Personally I'd caution against it. You admittedly say your relationship with rocky. Now you have a daughter to think of. Don't put her into a precarious position where there could be more trouble. If he's making choices that puts him into a position where he could be in jail whether he "did it" or not, he hasn't changed that much. Move on, find someone new.

Tam - posted on 02/16/2012

216

2

28

If you feel in your gut that giving him a chance is the right way to go, then go for it.



I don't know that I could do that, personally. I tend to have the view that if things didn't work out the first time, it's not likely they will the second. But my perception is not necessarily the right one for you. If you think it is safe for you and the kiddo, then all the best. Just make sure you can handle it if things go south.



Your daughter will have an emotional stake in it, too, so consider that before you make your move. Trust is what any viable relationship is based on, and cheating and lying is the fastest way to destroy trust. And it is so very hard to regain, on either side. There is the very real possibility that if things don't work, your daughter will be smack in the middle. A terrible place for any child.



I always look at the worst case scenario. It's entirely possible everything I've mentioned won't come to pass.



Just remember that whatever you do, you should put your daughter first in each decision.

5 Comments

View replies by

BreAnna - posted on 02/16/2012

3

0

0

It was for robbery, but it turns out that the person who really did it came forward..so when he goes to court he will be getting out

Tam - posted on 02/16/2012

216

2

28

Do you know what he was in jail for?



If it was anything regarding violence, I would definitely think twice. People CAN change, and I believe in benefit of the doubt, but not at the possible expense of the safety of your child.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms