Should I give my bd a chance? And work things out.

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

My bd was my bf for 2 yrs and half. After 1yr and a half in our relationship I got pregnant but I decided to have an abortion, he wanted to start a family but I was not ready. I had noticed some changes in his attitude and how he treated me and he started to cheat and lie to me. With that I lost all trust towards him he got me a set of engagement and wedding ring and told me to wear the engagement. But I told him I was not ready like wait until I finish college and get a job. He asked me twice to wear it to stop all my worries. After the day of my graduation I went to new york as it was a gift from my parents he couldnt come because of work and he did not have US visa. We had a fight and he told me I was selfish and it was a good time for us if I stay to spend together because my parents are always around and we are always busy from school and work. But I still left since it was only 4 days. We were fighting and had a mutual broke up over fb on the third day of my vacation.


When I got back I messaged him told him I was sorry and asked if we could see each other he came and we kind of fixed it we had a make up but I was pissed off because he was distant so we had a fight again this time I was so made I felt like I was having a tanrum I dont know why I felt so mad at him I even kicked him several times on the back he then left the next day he went on a meeting on that evening I caught him lying or I thought he was lying (I am not sure) at first he was in a restaurant with co workers then he was in another place. I was mad so I did not speak to him for 2 days on the third day he broke up with me over text. I was furious so I went to his place later on that afternoon and to his work he was ignoring me and avoiding my texts. I became a text ngat and would tell him harsh messages. I would also cry alot and I felt like my emotions are everywhere .


Later on I had found out about 3 weeks after we broke up that I was pregnant. So I told him and my family he was so mad at me and begged me to abort the baby I told him no. I told him he should have man up, I was very disappointed to him and he was a pathetic excuse for a man. At the same time I told him if he doesnt want me and the baby fine I even ignored him for a few days. Later on he started to send texts on how was my pregnancy I got him to tell me about his new relationship. At the same time he told me he wants to fix things and come back for me and the baby. I was so mad from the information he just told me so I very hesitant and I would block him alot and just tell him some info about my pregnancy. He would get mad and tell me how can we fix things if I keep on blocking him. I told him he was stressig me and it was not good for the baby and me. later on he told me that he was sorry for all the problems and the stress. He said to give him time to fix things with his family, the girl and my family.

I told him so far he had done nothing to prove he really wants me and the baby. He asked if I would want to talk in person. So I invited him in a doctors appointment. After the appointment we talked he said to give him time to break up with his current gf then he would come back and fix things. I asked him how much time does he need, he said two weeks. He then explained he was the first bf of the girl and he wants for them to talk in person and that he didnt sleep with her. It sounds bs to me though, if he really want to commit to me and the baby he would have left her in a heart beat. Anyways, we went to his car, I asked him "why should we fix things? You already told me before you dont love me anymore.." he said that he wants to have a family and he want to work things out between us for the baby. He then asked me if I still love him. I said "I don't know, I am mad at you and you irritate me." He tried to flirt with me and made a joke about the baby end up looking like him because of my irritation towards him. Then he said, you wanna know if you still love me? I said how? Then he kissed me I didnt know what to feel I didnt kissed him back knowing he is currently in a relationship. It felt wrong.


We got some food after that and we headed to the park. Along the way he asked me if his kissed help me decide and if I wanted to continue and fix things between us. I was still undecisive and shock. Now heres the man who had hurt me so much, the man who said and done things to hurt me emotionally and my family. I told him I felt nothing with the kiss he just said he gave a short laugh and said ok. Later on the park he had finished his food first he lay his head on my legs he did a couple of time but I was ignoring him he moved alot complaning about how his legs was on the grass. Then he asked me alot about what I was thinking. That he was not used to me being so quite I told him i was enjoying the weather. We talked for more about the baby and about things later on he said his stomach was upset. I told him if he wants to leave he may go since I just live close by and that I also want to sleep. He then got up and insisted to drive me home. Then he dropped me at home he mentioned thT I should take care and the baby then he said thank you for the time.

I left his car and di not sY a single word he then said well talk on text later. When i got home i texted him thank you for the time. He said he just got home. I went to sleep then in the evenig I sent him the next appointment. And asked him if he just felt pressured to do this by his family or any other factors. He has not replied it was last night. But I don't know wht to do now. I also question his motives, it scares me that if I take him back he would just cheat on me again. I just rrealized today that I still love him and nothing has changed. Should I tell him I love him and give it a chance or no. I dont know what to do he is confusing me. We havent spoken since.

4 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 09/10/2016

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So going in to all this detail hasn't changed what I will tell you.
Get a lawyer and get custody, visitation and child support sorted out once the baby is born.

Posting the same question over and over again won't get different answers!!!!

Ev - posted on 09/10/2016

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Tricia--
You posted similar posts here about this very problem you have detailed in this OP. You do not have to deny the child a thing at all. Once your child is born get the custody arrangements legally taken care of and work out co-parenting with the father. You do not have to be with him to raised the child for the wrong reasons though it might seem right to have both parents in the same house. It does not work well that way when both parents do not get on with each other.

[deleted account]

Thats exactly how I feel. But what if I am wrong and I actually deprived my child from havin a whole family. What to do?

Ev - posted on 09/10/2016

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You need to do for the baby not for him or you being together. It is not healthy for you to worry over things about relationships. He is toying with you so he can have his cake and eat it too.

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