Should I give my husband a chance?

Amber - posted on 10/12/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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This may be a bit long but I need advice bad. I left my husband on less than stellar terms. He had a construction job that kept him away a lot, and when he would be home he was so tired he didn't even want to eat just sleep. H moved us in with his mother after his father died, to help her keep the house that chase bank was trying to forclose on. Money was getting tight and his family didn't approve of me and took every oppertunity to make my life hell. There was a lot of stress for both of us. I did act up some trying to get his attention. I few months later his ex girlfriend finds him via FB. they have know each other for almost 20 years and he says she is like his sis now, she is married and has 2 boys with her husband. He started to rely on her to get to work to save money that would have been spent on gas. Some nights I would get a call from him saying he just got off work and was gonna crash there for the night. He said he was not cheating and I trust him just not her. well the pressure and stress got to be to much for me I've and I left via hubbard house. he still has the kids and takes good care of them. About a month ago my brother came down to visit and couldn't find me, my husband was honest to him and my brother beat him down, my husband didn;t even fight back. How do I know? My brother tracted me down. Since then apparently he has been putting my husband through hell to prove he wants me back. He booted out his sis, told his mom to shut it or he would stop helping her keep the house, quit his job and is trying to find one where he wouldn;t negelct his family,and told his friend of almost 20 years to stay away and file a trespass warrent on her. I'm scared to trust him, I don't want to be hurt like that again, I also met a man 3 week ago that has made me happy and he says he is willing to wait for a divorce. Part of me still loves my husband but I can't take the risk of things going back to what they were. My bro has been pushing for me to give him a chance but take it slow, my mom, aunt, and grams agree with him. I don't know what I should do I need help. Also he did have a minor stroke due to his job while we were together. He said he would change but it didn't last a week. He went back to that job cause as he said the bills needed to be paid and no-one was hiring at the moment. why should I believe him now? I have seen him 2 since I left. he was very respectful of me and my space, polite, and brought the kids whom I missed. I don't feel that I love him but he ask if I would allow him to earn that love back in my own time. I sent him a FB message telling him about the guy I'm falling for and asking him not to b mad, also if my oldest daughter could spend the night with me. I'm expecting a response some time today. I'm I making a mistake? Should I give him a last chance in light of what he has done to change? were been together for almost 6 years and 4 beautiful small one together. I just don't know what to do and I'm scared.

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Dove - posted on 10/12/2012

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Well... MY outside perspective is that marriage is supposed to be for life, so.... you choose to love the person you married forever and do whatever you can to make it good and make it last.



But my opinion on marriage doesn't tend to be that popular in general society.

Amber - posted on 10/12/2012

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Supposedly he was just crashing from exhaustion. His job had him break up semi hard concrete with a pick ax and handload it into a wheel barrow, haul that into a trailer drive it to the shop then handload it into a dumpster, then go back for more. i don't have proof he cheated but he was staying there for a night or 2 when i needed him here, and it was his ex even if they only dated in middle/high school.



Just..is it worth the chance or should I just move on? i need an outside perspective.

Amber - posted on 10/12/2012

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I started the other relationship before my brother told him where I was. I'm not stringing him along but I'm scared to beleave that he has changed, I can't go back to that hell I was in.

Dove - posted on 10/12/2012

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I don't see one single thing in your op that makes me see your husband at fault in any of this.... DID he cheat on you? Or was he just crashing at her place (with her husband and kids in the house) because he was exhausted from working his butt off for you and the kids?

Amy - posted on 10/12/2012

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If you wanted to give your husband a chance you wouldn't be trying to start another relationship with someone else. You should really resolve things with your husband before letting your heart get attached to someone else. I'm also not really sure what you meant by admitting you acted up some to get his attention but you've made all these demands on your husband which is sounds like he has bowed down to you and yet you continue to question whether or not you want to be with him. From what I read it doesn't sound like you really want to be with him so if that's legitimately how you feel in your heart don't string him along making him think that if he does everything you want you're going to go back to him and your kids.

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