Should I go to son's H.S. graduation if he hates me

Mica - posted on 04/30/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My son told me to f off and that I'm no longer his mom. I'm a stranger. 2 months later he will graduate from High School. Should I go? Or not?

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Dove - posted on 04/30/2015

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I would.

I do not know the situation w/ your son and if it is volatile I would certainly keep my distance, but no amount of teen anger would keep me from seeing MY child graduate. Since it is 2 months away is there any chance of talking to him about his anger and trying to work through this problem? Let him know that you will keep your distance if that is what he wants, but that you love him and you will ALWAYS be there for him. You will go to the graduation and see him get his diploma, but if he does not want to see you then you will just quietly leave afterwards.

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Mica - posted on 04/30/2015

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The situation with my son is complicated. He has mental issues, denial, narcissistic, compulsive lyer, depression, etc. We've struggled together for years. I've worked with him, took him to psychologists, psychiatrists, and gave him self-help books to read and discuss with me. I divorced when he was 14. He was very upset. We have joint custody so he has had a relationship with his dad even though he says he hates him. My son chose to not follow my rules at home, refused to do anything he was told, started smoking pot and failing school. I helped him until I did all I could do. I became desperate and my health declined from anxiety, feeling like a failure, hurt, and depressed. So I sent him to live with his dad who lives in the same town I do. My son said I always loved his brother more than him because I treat his brother better. I explained that I had to treat him differently because he misbehaved alot more.That's when he told me to f off and I'm not his mother, I'm a stranger. He lives with his dad and doesn't want to come over or talk to me. Graduation is in a month.

Ledia - posted on 04/30/2015

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Yes, go. He's a teenager. They spout off at the mouth, and while he might THINK he really meant what he said, unless you did something truly horrible to him, he will eventually realize that you love him. If you don't go, when he eventually comes around, he will regret not having you there every time he looks back at his graduation day for the rest of his life.

Furthermore, a lot of teens are just insecure about how much their parents love them, so they say mean things and do mean things just to make sure your love is unconditional. By going, despite his crappy attitude, you are proving that your love is unconditional. Even though he doesn't love you, you love him, and such. Eventually, he'll see it....again, unless you've wronged him in a really horrible way.

And I like Dove's advise. If things are still turbulent when you go, just watch from a distance and stay away.

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