should i have an abortion because he says so, or should i follow my heart??

Shenelle - posted on 05/13/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




i've recently found out i was pregnant. my boyfriend and i have been together for 8 mths officially but we've been intimately involved for almost 3 yrs. i've always believed that i'm not the most fertile person, because i'm 21 and finally got pregnant again, crazy, i know (first one, not for him, i miscarried) although i'm overwhelmed with joy, he's not in any way on board. when i told him the news, which came as a shock to us both, he said that he wasn't ready (his way of saying, get rid of it) i thought about it long and hard because i needed him to feel like his feelings also mattered. but why should i undergo such an invasive procedure, or take toxic pills to get rid of this precious gift, a gift that God has given to us, a gift that WE BOTH made?? am i being selfish ? i mean, i just can't comprehend that level of stupidity, you say you're not ready, yet, you refuse to use any kinds of contraceptives, (even the "withdrawal" method) and when i decide to keep it, he makes it seems as though i got pregnant on purpose. to add insult to injury, i live directly next door to him, and his mom/sister isn't a huge fan of me (they hate my guts for what f**king reason, idk) my question is: do you think i'm making a huge mistake, being selfish, setting myself up for the kill?? gosh, i really want this baby, but i don't know if the benefits outweigh everything else...


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Jodi - posted on 05/14/2014




OK, you say he said that he wasn't ready, but that doesn't mean he wants you to have an abortion. Did he actually SAY he wanted you to get an abortion, or are you just making an assumption that is what he meant?

Secondly, if BOTH of you weren't using contraception, then WHY did you not discuss the issue of having children before you made that decision?

You keep using terms like "he makes it SEEM" or "his way of saying". You seem to be reading a lot between the lines that may not actually be there. The two of you need to have a mature, adult conversation about this issue. No matter what you decide to do, it is a decision that needs to be discussed. If you decide to have the child, then this man is a co-parent for the rest of that child's life. Can you handle that?

Now, having said that, never, EVER have an abortion because someone else wants you to. This is a decision you, and you alone, can make. But you need to be open to having an adult discussion with him about it. Maybe even having a mediator or counsellor involved in that discussion could assist with working through the situation.

Teresa - posted on 05/14/2014




I Was in a position you are but we had only been together a month when realised.So I Thought about what I wanted and made it clear that I was pregnant to him and I had decided that I wanted this baby,but if he didn't then I would not hold him to a pregnancy that wasn't intended instead of discussed.I was at college,hated it and at that time it gave me a different course to take that made me happier.He did stand by me and we stayed together for 13 years,had a daughter as well as a son together,even married.In the end your partner needs to think about what this means to your relationship,and not feel entitled to ask you to do something you are not happy with or doesn't feel right to do.It's not an ideal situation you find yourself in,but be strong and despite advice what best to do follow and listen to your heart and if need be prepare to go it alone,I got prenant with triplets and was offered a selective termination to give the others a better chance.I thought hell no.I made it very clear not to ask me again.Find where your support is and people you trust to want the best for you and I hope this heartache can be resolved for you and you can make the decision right for you,noone else,Sending a big hugxxxxxTeresa

Gena - posted on 05/14/2014




I personally am against abortion in a sittuation like yours,like you already said,he didnt use any contraception,did he know you also didnt use anything? He should grow up and start getting ready because honostly aborting this little baby just because He is "not ready yet" is wrong.Thats my personall opinion.. But always remember that you might regret aborting,what if you never fall pregnant again,could you live with the knowledge that you aborted your child because the father doesnt feel ready? If he wont help you,then its his loss,if i were you i would love and take care of the child..or if its really not possible to have the baby,atleast look about giving it up for adoption.Good luck and i hope you make the right decision.

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