Should I have IVF if I am single?

Amie - posted on 08/17/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

75

4

1

I am 35 years old, single and a foster parent. I love and adore my foster children and would do anything for them. Last year a 10 year old child that I had in my care since she was a baby went to live with her biological father. It happened very quickly and was very upsetting. Since then I have discovered that it is legal for single women in my area to have IVF. The 2 children I still have in my care are aged 4 and 6 and I have long term care orders for them until they are 18. However it is always in the back of my mind that they could be taken away. I would just like to have a child that is mine that can't be taken away. I am wondering what others think of this?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Amie - posted on 11/14/2011

75

4

1

I haven't been on this thread for a while but thought it was worth updating. I am currently 22 weeks pregnant, the IVF worked 1st time, due to the medicare rebates offered in Australia the end cost was about $400- $500. I still have 4 frozen embryos. IVF didn't have any negative effects on me, the once a day needle for a 10 days was completely painless the staff at the clinic were very supportive and I met with them around 9.30am 2-3 days a week until I was 11 weeks pregnant which is when I transfered to the normal clinic at our local hospital. My 2 foster children have been involved with much of the process, coming with me to some blood tests and even the ultrasound. At this stage they are just as excited as I am. We are looking forward to the future with our new family member.

Leigh - posted on 08/19/2010

190

8

26

As someone who has gone through IVF because of my husbands medical history, I just want to let you know that it is an exhausting process. Make sure you have a support network that can help you with your foster kids for the month or so that you are going through the IVF cycle. Your life will not be your's for about 4-8 weeks while they are monitoring you. It involves giving yourself 4-6 shots a day for about 3 weeks on a regulated schedule/time frame - feeling not too great because of all the hormones they are pumping you full of; being up and in the clinic before 6:30am for up to 2 weeks in a row to get your eggs and uterus monitored (that is the exhausting part); going under general anesaethia for your egg retrieval; finding out no more than about 12 hours in advance when your implantation is; having to shoot up a drug at an exact time and then be at the clinic at an exact time for your implantation; shooting up another drug intramuscularly (progesterone) which does hurt like crazy for at least 2 weeks and longer (6-8weeks) if the process is successful; then praying to your God for 11 days until you find out if it worked because an over the counter test is not reliable with all the hormones they have pumped into you .

You would also have to prepare yourself if you would conceive multiples. The process is very good these days at limiting multiple births by decreasing the number of eggs successfully implanted, but twins/triplets are still a possibility. Not too mention the financial aspect of it all.

And, after all that, I will tell you I would do it again in a heartbeat. I have a 9 month old boy who looks just like his daddy but with mommy's eyes. Round 2 for me is about a year away.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Jess - posted on 08/18/2010

5

21

0

Go for it, obviously you know how rewarding it is being a mum, you would hate to live and never know.... its so amazing creating, carrying and birthing a new life! I agree with Michelle you can do it on your own\ you dont NEED a man, if you are in a position- willing and able to do it..do it (i would)!!! As for the age gap its not an issue (my hubby has a 10yr old-with us full time and we have a 14mth old) id like a 3-4 yr gap then maybe the same gap again...? A new baby\child in any family in a big change but they cope, really well as they are loved and supported ! WOW what an exciting new chapter of your life...good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Abbie - posted on 08/17/2010

1,140

42

203

As long as you can provide for that child, I don't see a problem with it. You are old enough to know what you want. You have dealt with children and know what to expect. I do not agree with who ever posted that a child needs 2 parents, that is not true!! I know many very well rounded children that have been raised by only their mom or their dad. In fact my sister was raised by our father for many years before my dad met my mom! Anyway, back to the question, go for it!!

Lyndsay - posted on 08/17/2010

2,008

19

175

Personally, I think not. Kids need to have two parents, a male and female. Both sexes offer very different things to their children and it is my opinion that any child with only one parent is sorely missing out.

On the other hand, I think its great that you're a foster parent. :) It might seem kind of contradictory to what I just said, but I think most kids in foster care are messed up enough that they benefit from having only one parent that loves them. (Not trying to sound rude.. I work in group homes/foster homes, those kids are at a huge disadvantage)

17 Comments

View replies by

Kellie - posted on 11/02/2011

59

1

2

l have a friend who is single. She decided to do ivf. She is the proud mother of a almost 3 year old girl. She loves every minute of being a mum and would not change a thing. Go for it.

Andrea - posted on 08/20/2010

566

29

56

I commend you for being a foster parent. It takes someone special to be able to do that.



Children don't necessarily need fathers; they need positive male role models. If you can provide that and the necessities of life, then I say go for it! Many children are raised by single parents and turn out just fine.

Leigh - posted on 08/20/2010

190

8

26

Amie,

I am not sure where you are, but here in the US they have "payment plans" (I will call them) that you can either do a pay per month type thing from a pre-given loan; or, they have plans that give you 3 cycles of IVF for a reduced price. If it takes you all 3 cycles to get preggie, you save money. If you are successful on the first try, you are out money. Make sure you meet with the clinic's financial person - they should have one. Another option is to ask if they are doing any type of research. The clinic that we went to is one of the largest and most successful (from a pregnancy and live birth rate) in the US - they were also on the top end of research in the fertility field We happened to be eligible for a research study they were doing at that time. Obviously, no harn to me or the baby and did not decrease our chances of success. About 80% of our cost was covered by them since we were "research subjects". It's worth asking.

The other thing I didn't mention in the first response I sent you was that be prepared to the possibility of having embryos left over. What would you do if you have 4-6 good embryos, but they only implant 2-3? You have the option to cryopreserve the surviving ones, but then you have to make the decision on their future - keep them and use them yourself, donate them to another couple, donate them to research or thaw them out and let them die. Just know that you may have to make that decision. It is something that you may want to ask about on your consult.

If you have any questions, feel free. I am very open about my IVF.

Dana - posted on 08/19/2010

11,264

35

495

I don't think there is anything wrong with being a single mother. My MIL was a single mother and she raised two of the most wonderful men.

I also think that as long as you're giving love to the foster children and making them feel secure then I'm sure adding another child won't hurt anything. If they are being raised in a loving environment then they will love that child just as much as you do.

Dana - posted on 08/19/2010

11,264

35

495

No, you're not wrong for feeling that way. I say have at it! If you can afford it and are capable of taking care of 3 kids on your own they why not have one that is yours.

[deleted account]

I am only answering again since you asked for opinions. I do think it is selfish to intentionally set out to bring a child into this world that does not/will not have a father. That will always be my belief on this subject. Good luck to you!

Amie - posted on 08/19/2010

75

4

1

Thankyou so much Leigh, I have made an appointment with the doctor for next month when I guess this information will be discussed, then I have to speak with their counsellor then there is a 3 month cooling off period before the whole process starts. Financially I know I only have 1 shot at this as it is very expensive but I think I want to do it. I am nervous and excited.

Michelle - posted on 08/18/2010

1

72

0

I say go for it. Who cares what these others say. I have 2 children (boy 3.5 yrs girl 19 mths) and I am a widow. Regardless of people saying a father is necessary, you can do it on your own. I was thrown into this situation, not by my own doing, but my kids are pretty terrific. If you have the love and want for a child, go for it! However, you must really want a child for the child, not to fill some void on a selfish level. If you can provide, have the want and are ready to give your all, then I say IVF all the way! :)

Amie - posted on 08/18/2010

75

4

1

Thankyou for your honest responses. Ideally I too would love to be in a happy stable relationship in which to have a child however I am not and I don't think I can wait around for prince charming any longer. As far as raising boys, I do have a 4yr old male foster child who I would like to think is doing OK. As a primary school teacher I am used to dealing with many children and up until last year I was a single parent family with 3 children. I guess I am most concerned about if I am being selfish? Would bringing a biological child into our family be fair on the children I have. The IVF program is quite expensive therefore will I be spending money that could be spent on my foster children? And what about the age gap? Questions questions I am very interested in anyones thoughts on these issues or ones I have not thought of.

Firebird - posted on 08/17/2010

2,660

30

521

If you can handle it emotionally and financially then go for it! If you have a boy I'm sure you've got at least one male friend or relative that would be willing to teach him how to write his name in the snow. =) As long as there's a man in your life who would be willing to help be a male role model for your child, then why not?

Tracy - posted on 08/17/2010

737

13

78

Do you have male relatives to be positive male role models? Kids need positive influences from both male and female. Biology doesn't make a parent, nor does the title of father (or mother for that matter)

It's really up to you, can you deal with being a single mom of 3?

[deleted account]

Considering that I've been a single mom for 2.5 years and I see what my kids go through w/out having a 'real' dad.... no.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms