PIKEI - posted on 04/19/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )




am full of stress, am dating this guy who is giving me a real hell of time. yet am pregnant for him. am 5weeks pregnant now, i hav 1kid in my past relationship and this guy is not fine with my daughter. he wouldnt let her join the entire family. yet he has 2kids as well whom am expected to mother.
now life is really hard he is a controlling freak. one who thinks he is always right and never makes mistakes. he points at the mistakes i make yet am not allowed to comment on his attitude.
am torn apart i know abortion is not right. but i already have a child in my past relationship am struggling to raise then am pregnant again and trust me if i push through with the pregnancy that will mean a single mother to 2kids by 2 different dads and that isnt really nice. please some body out their help me make a decision i cant live with this man he will m ake my life miserable and stressfull wat do i do with the pregnancy . should i keep it should i abort


Amy - posted on 04/19/2013




I'm not sure why you think people would laugh at you since abortion is a serious decision that shouldn't be taken lightly. I second Michelle you need to get counseling and get out, you have to learn to stand on your own for the sake of your current child. You can choose to out up with your current boyfriends behavior but she has no choice in the matter, he's probably killing her self esteem by treating her poorly. If you do end up leaving this man for the sake of your child do not get involved with anyone unless they are going to be accepting if your daughter, but it sounds like you should be by yourself for awhile.

Michelle - posted on 04/19/2013




No one can make this decision for you. I would suggest to get some counseling to sort out your own feelings. You also need to leave this abusive situation before it gets worse. That is not a healthy environment to bring any children up in.

Liz - posted on 04/23/2013




Christine, I strongly counsel you not (ever) to put your contact details such as an email in a public place where anyone, including scammers and people minded to harass you, might get it.

I strongly advise you to edit your post, take out your email address and send it to someone in a private message only if you want to share it.

Kristi - posted on 04/19/2013




Why on earth would you think anyone would laugh or make fun of you...if anything, you might get people pissed at you for considering abortion. Irrelevant at this point.

I agree 110% that you need counseling. I have 2 kids and they have different dads. I have friend, she has 8 kids with 5 dads! It "sounds" bad to some people. Screw them, who are they to judge? My son's father has custody of him. I was in a bad way, it was for the best back then. But, my daughter doesn't have a dad, at all, because he is an abusive bastard. My friend with the 8 kids, totally single mother. All deadbeat dads. But, ya know what, our kids know we love them. They are glad they are here. (not that we've asked them if they ever wished they weren't born) Have their lives been cake walks? Of course not. They've been difficult, and at times down right shitty. But, that can happen to "perfect two-parent homes with the white picket fences and black lab puppies with swing sets and trampolines." (I, myself would be the perfect example of that)

One thing is for sure, getting out of the drama and the abuse has improved our quality of life 10 fold. You very much do need to think about what you want your daughter to think is "normal" behavior. Is it normal to exclude an innocent young girl for no reason, is it normal to be yelled at all the time, etc. Single parenting is hard work, but it is rewarding. There is lots of help out there for people who need it and are willing to set their pride aside and take it while they get back on their feet. Kids don't need all the material things to be happy, yes, they are nice and they do help but I'm finding out more and more that my daughter just wants my involvement. She might not always want me, she's almost 14. The more stuff I participate in with her school and her sports, the happier and more excited she seems to talk about it with me. We even listen to 80's music together and sing at the top of our lungs. ; )

Why am I telling you this? I am trying to give you hope. I want you to know that happy kids can come from happy single parents who don't have much money and have had a rough go of things. I want you to see that it doesn't matter to your kids (and it shouldn't matter to you) where they came from, it matters that they are here and they are loved. It's none of anybody else's damn business if your kid or kids are purple with yellow and orange polka dots as long as you're taking good care of them. Parenting (single or double) will NEVER be easy, I don't care who you are, so just let go of that, it's not an excuse for abortion.

As the others have said, we can't make that choice for you. You have decide if you'll be able to sleep at night afterwards, if choose to have an abortion. Getting pregnant by my first husband, we were not married at the time, was THE LAST thing I wanted (don't ask) and when it happened besides being shocked, I was devastated. My personal DNA is not great, his entire family's is evil...I was terrified of what we had created. I couldn't have another abortion. Thank God. My daughter is a miracle. She did not get my bad stuff and is nothing at all like her father. She absolutely has a special purpose and I am so excited to see what it is! I am just so blessed and grateful that God saw fit to give her to me.

I don't know, this is probably the most ridiculous comment to your situation and way too much information but, it's out there. Do with it what you will. Please, please get out of the abusive relationship now. Good luck and take care. I wish you the best.


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Kristi - posted on 04/23/2013





Most of the women on here really do care about one another. That's why we're here. I very much understand where you are right now and things probably seem impossible. All the "what if's" and "there's no way," I'm proof positive that there is a way. Sometimes, it was (and I'm sure it will be again) damn hard and lots of times I wanted to say fuck this shit! Few times, I almost met my Maker. I don't talk about God much on here because I don't want to offend anyone or start a holy war. I offer to keep someone in prayers sometimes or pray for God's blessings but that's about it. I have no idea what your beliefs are and I'm not sure if I'm overly emotional for some reason or if God is really in my heart telling me to talk to you right now. Please forgive me if I offend you. I am not a bible thumper and I can't quote scripture to save my own ass. I'm also as stubborn as a mule and I don't usually get things right the first time around with Him.

I have never bought into the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy so many people rely on. I should be preaching it from the roof tops. I have an 18, going to be 19 year old son. He lives with his dad in another state and I haven't seen him in 8 1/2 years. Long story, not relevant here. His life is, though. I was 3 months pregnant and the only people that knew we were prego were his dad, me and both sets of our parents. I was the only one on Cloud 9. His dad was my very best friend and I loved him more than anyone and God was giving me a second chance to be a mother. That, to me, was a miracle in itself because I still feel guilty for the "menstrual extraction" (abortion before 8 weeks, at least that is what the barbaric, molester said in 1990) when I was 19. Anyways...

It was a beautiful, sunny day and I was going to surprise my then fiancé with stuff for a picnic on the boat. So I went, in my little pick-up truck 2 blocks up the road, across a state highway and down a hill into the mini-mart. In 1994, we never wore seatbelts. I can't remember when it became a law. But, I never followed it. I got all the goodies, cold beer for him and lots of ice for my water and our lunch. Back in my little truck, back up the hill. Sitting at the stop sign. Watching traffic. Speed limit is 60 on the Hwy. 35 on the residential street I'm trying to get over to. I'm happy, got the a/c on and the music up. Then, this semi goes whizzzin by and the person across the street waves "all clear" at me so, for whatever reason, at that moment, as I started to cross that Hwy I put my seat belt on and no sooner than I clicked did I get T-boned by a car proven to have been going 74 mph. My truck rolled all the way over and almost on to the driver's side again, if it had, I would have been pinned in by a utility pole.

Believe it or not my first instinct was to get out and go help those other people. They didn't come through the windshield but you could see where they tried real hard! ; ) I couldn't. I was out of breath and realized OMG--MY BABY! My son's dad is a cop and at that time I was a dispatcher so everyone knew it was me (by my plate and vehicle description) when the 911 call went out, everyone also knew what the usual results of accidents at that intersection were, too. Small town. Lance was in court testifying, not on duty so he wasn't reachable by radio, no cells yet, at least for us. Once the squad and the cops got there, I felt a little better because now I knew things could get done. Bob was one of the cops and he looked scared when he got there, figured he was going to find me dead with all the debris and the positions of our vehicles, etc. When I said, "Bob, get Lance out of court," he nodded. I said, "BOB, GET LANCE OUT OF COURT...I AM PREGNANT!" He went white. I thought he was going to start crying, not tears of joy but because regular people don't walk away from scenes like this, no way a little "bubble of stuff" (for lack of offending someone) was going to survive.

Obviously, we both did. I had scratches on my elbow and neck from the glass breaking and my little bubble wasn't even disturbed. Long ass story for 5 seconds of God. That was my second rescue. The first was when I was 18. That's gory and messy, just suffice to say, He gave me a few seconds to spare there, too. They also put a stop light in at that intersection not too long after, sadly I think it took another person dying, though.

Lance and I split up when he started beating the shit out of me for cheating on him, which I wasn't doing but finally decided to try. So, then I told him, NOW, you can beat me for cheating on you. I was also sliding downhill faster and faster on sled called Borderline Personality Disorder...I just didn't know that's what it was called yet.

I told you about my daughter. I was absolutely certain I couldn't have children anymore. I never went to a doctor (what would they know-duh?). I tried to have a child with the man I had been seeing before Grace's dad came into the picture. We tried...a lot, a lot a lot. For a long time. Us not getting pregnant was the main reason we split up, it led to it anyways. I just figured I wasted my first chance and I screwed up my second (not by myself) but I wasn't good enough so that's why I couldn't have babies anymore. So, one night, I decided, that's it, I'm done. I climbed 3/4 of the way up of a bridge over the Missouri River and I was going to jump.

Once I got up there, I found it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I sat up there and cried and I took some EXTRA Xanex hoping I would fall off. Somebody spotted me, because next thing I knew there were a 1000 flashing lights below me and around city, near small town but 4 years later. At this point, I was an executive assistant at a non profit organization that raised money to buy better, newer equipment for law enforcement and fire fighters all across the state. The president/founder was a retired policeman whose son was a rookie cop killed in the line of duty. I had been meeting all sorts of people through this foundation and fundraisers and charity meetings, etc.

Anyways, "somebody" asked me to come down a little ways so we could talk. I went a little ways down. I was slow, the Xanex and the crying and the bright lights were not helping. I felt like King Kong. (no I didn't, it just sounds that way right now ; ) ) Then one of the guys in plain clothes starts climbing up. I was like uh-no. Even I know you don't do that! Then he starts yelling my name. I walked there. How does this guy know who I am? He stopped and said, "Damn it, get down here...what the fuck are you doing?" Well, he kind of yelled, it was noisy, to say the least. I recognized his voice from earlier that day. From a meeting we had for an upcoming event. I just shook my head, I was like no way. So, I said, "Who is that, how do you know my name?" He said, "Uh, jeez...was I that boring? My tats are cooler than yours. Now, will you please get your ass down here so I can handcuff you and make it look good for the morning papers?!"

I asked how he knew it was me and he said once I came down that first bit he could see me through the "nocs" just fine and then he saw my tattoo and knew for sure. We spent most of the day in a meeting for a big fundraising event, planning for a 5K Fun Run. A bunch of us were talking after and showing off our tattoos. I only had 2 at the time but 1 was on my ankle and I had shorts on that night. Skirt on at work. Explain that...I meet a crisis negotiator at work (I did not know he was a negotiator, I only knew he was a regular cop out of about 850 city cops) and then THAT. Got God?

Which loops me back around to my exMIL tried to push me down the stairs one night when I was still preggers. Her dad is a true sociopath. He abused all of us (2 of his 4 other daughters that lived with us while we were married). He had turned her almost completely against me. I knew he was trying. I thought I knew she was trying to please both of us and she felt torn but I was wrong. She admitted this to me after, just before my second husband and I refused to let her go back to his house ever again, she was ready to tell me she wanted to go live there permanently. The REASON we never allowed her to go back there was because of some pictures my husband found in one of his internet checks. The kids were allowed to play a few games and email with out of town and out state family and friends.

He did these random checks once in awhile but not on any sort of schedule. My first husband is on his 5th wife. 2 sets of step sons were sexual inappropriate with my daughter. He knew, he did not tell me. He told her "what would happen to her," if she told me, so I never knew...until her stepdad found the pictures. Once again, God is working in about 50 different directions. First, it's like WTF! Then you put her through the ringer for about 2 hours trying to figure out who to call first, the cops or the coroner and you're still like WTF. 2 months later, CPS and the cops say, she's not naked so there's nothing we can do...WTF. 2 years later, you're telling your story and you know it was bad and she is still traumatized somewhat but no where near what would have happened to her had she been allowed to stay. I wouldn't wish it upon another little girl or boy, ever. She was never touched, therefore I did not commit justifiable homicide and that is in no way a joke, I would have and if she ever says that she was, I will go to hell to avenge her. I've already been talking about that with God for a long time.

It was enough to get her outta there and to make her realize who was who. We are both wiser and stronger because of it...still like WTF, I don't think that goes away though. ; )

All of this crazy, no-way God. It has to be. Who else would go to such lengths? There are probably a thousand more but these were the specific ones that came up tonight. If I listened better, I doubt I'd have this many miracles, if you will. I like to think I can do all things through Kristi. I'm pretty sure the bible is right on this one though, You can do all things through Christ, who strengthens us. (that's close)

Holy crap, that was a marathoner! Oh goodness, my apologies if I offended anyone or bored anyone. I'm out. See God is helping again! LOL

PIKEI - posted on 04/23/2013




Thanks kristi for the reply
i dont know wat to think just a little torn apart but messages has helped thanks really

Yolanda - posted on 04/19/2013




Please do get out of that relationship. Your small daughter needs a better role model than your boyfriend appears to be. You as a single mom may not be ideal but it's much better than teaching her that an abusive man is a good choice and that is exactly what you'll say to her if you stay. Our kids learn about life by watching us.
I'm so sorry you have to choose on another pregnancy. I'm sure it can't be easy. I do believe that children are a precious gift from God, and that we in this country will be answering to Him for all the innocent blood that we are shedding. Only you can make this choice but remember, it's not the baby's fault. We adults need to make wise choices before we end up pregnant.
I will pray for you. I know no matter what you choose at this point, there will be a price to pay. All I know is I have a precious son today that I never choose to kill, and I'm so glad it never crossed my mind to abort him. We never know what the baby that we are carrying is destined to become if we choose life.

Liz - posted on 04/19/2013




I agree with Amy and Michelle. This is an abusive relationship and it will not magically work out for the better but only get worse.

Nobody can decide for you whether you will keep the baby or abort and you definitely need counselling for you to get your feelings in order and be able to make that decision yourself.

In the meantime, please, please, start using birth control.

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