Should i have to pay my Fiancee to watch my 4 year old if he isnt his?

Anadelia - posted on 02/06/2016 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Me and my boyfriend have been together for a while even planning on getting married I have a 4 year old boy in the picture and my fiance doesn't really seem to be bonding with him I can see he's trying but he's not all the way there we have issues with I'm taking care of my son and sometimes he tells me it's my responsibility to handle him I don't know what to think is he right or is he supposed to help me somewhat I understand that is not his responsibility to feed y son or buy him clothes or anything like that but I think its okay for him to help me with taking care of my son and helping me with stuff like that I work at night so I have been asking my fiance to take care of my son me. Me and my fiance split the rent in the bills so what he came up with it for me to take $200 off for the month from the rent for him taking care of my son so technically I would be paying him to watch my son do you think this is ok? Im 24 he is 26 i have a 4 year old and he has none. And my fiance isn't the father of my son

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Michelle - posted on 02/06/2016

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I would be seriously thinking about your relationship with this boy. He's not ready to step up for your son so why push the issue.
Yes, the child isn't biologically his so he doesn't "have" to discipline but most good men would just do it.
My main suggestion is don't marry this idiot!!!!

Krystle - posted on 02/08/2016

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To be blunt I would've kicked him to the curb long time ago when your about to get married are you going to pay him for the rest of your life its not fair to you and to your child that you have to pay this person money just to mind your child that just wrong sorry to be so blunt

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/06/2016

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Tina, you apparently really didn't read my responses.

I SAID that he can ask for anything. He's got the right to ask for payment for babysitting.

I also said that he's not marriage material, and that he's already long proven that.

Tina - posted on 02/06/2016

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Nope I disagree then he shouldn't marry her if he isn't willing to bond with the child . When anyone is engaged to a mom with a kid the human thing to do is care for both of them . Doesn't matter if it's his kid or not he choose to be with a single mom comes with the territory . If I was a single mom I would not date or want to marry any man who will not accept my child . That child deserves better - he deserves a step dad that will love him and want to spend time with him

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No, I don't think this is alright. When you get married or become involved with someone, their children are part of the package. I cannot even imagine having asked my husband to PAY me to watch my step-children while we were dating. We were becoming a family! That's insane. This guy is NOT the guy for you and he's definitely not the guy for your son. I can't even imagine how he will treat your son after the marriage if the two of you had children in the future. How horrible. You both deserve better.

Naymcphail616 - posted on 02/06/2016

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Wow. Ok im new here but i have to say your son is part of the package. When someone is with you they are with both of you. If things have reached the point of talking marriage then this man is taking on the role of step father therefore all responsibilities should be at the point of sharing, not just money. Marriage or long term relationships are always a work in progress and everything should be discussed especially when it comes to children. Just ask him why, get his reasons why he feels payment should be made for child care, think it over, consider his point of view. Explain your feelings about it and come to an agreement that suits you both. Lastly, love doesnt fix everything, but trust and honesty can sure make it come close.

Jodi - posted on 02/06/2016

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I wouldn't be considering marriage with this guy. He absolutely has a right to ask to be paid to watch your son.....but honestly, if he was invested in the relationship, he wouldn't.

Dove - posted on 02/06/2016

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*Nope I disagree then he shouldn't marry her if he isn't willing to bond with the child .

Tina... that's part of what Shawnn is also saying

Dove - posted on 02/06/2016

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There is no way in the world I would be planning to marry a guy that would ask to be paid to watch my child. That's absurd. I get that he isn't the father and it's 'technically' not his responsibility, but if 'you' want to be in a long term committed relationship w/ 'me'... you will love and accept and help care for my kids 100% or get out of my life.

That's my take on this.

Tina - posted on 02/06/2016

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If he was a keeper he would just offer to watch him with no payment , period !!!!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/06/2016

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Tina, #1 THEY AREN'T MARRIED. The man isn't the child's biological OR step father, and from the sounds of it, wants to be neither. He doesn't want to bond with the child, he has abandonment issues of his own.

It is more than fair for a boyfriend or a girlfriend to ask for payment for watching their girlfriend or boyfriend's children.

A BIOLOGICAL parent should never ask. A boyfriend or girlfriend? You aren't obligated to do anything except exist. If the guy was really serious about this relationship, he'd have already taken steps ON HIS OWN to bond with the child, and make himself available to watch the child while his soon to be wife works. He hasn't.

Tina - posted on 02/06/2016

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I also asked me boyfriend for a dad/ mans perspective on your situation is said . That he is being an ass for asking you to pay him to watch his step son . He also said your with the wrong guy

Tina - posted on 02/06/2016

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I disagree with the other woman. You should not have to pay your so to be husband to watch his step son while you are working to support your family . I feel like he's being an ass and if he felt that your son isn't his kid then maybe he needs to find a single mom with no kids

Tina - posted on 02/06/2016

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Hold on you pay your fiancé to care your son at night ? Hell no .. That is selfish and wrong on so many levels . First of all when he decided to date you and be engaged to you he took on the responsibility to be a parent to your son at all . He is basically his step dad that is part his responsibility to help care for your son . Everything is half for bills and rent not if he is caring for him at home . I would not tolerate that at all or maybe you choose the wrong man to want to marry

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/06/2016

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So, he can't bond with the child, and yet you want him to babysit?

#1 here: If this child is not your boyfriend's biological child, the child is NOT his responsibility to discipline, or anything else. When he's telling you the child is YOUR responsibility, he is entirely correct.

#2: If this guy was really marriage material, he would already be striving to form a bond with your son. He would already be on board for caring for the kid when you aren't available. He wouldn't tell you the kid is "YOUR" responsibility

#3: Whenever you have someone watch your kid for extended time, you should always be prepared to pay for care. Otherwise, you're taking advantage. If the man were the boy's biological father, I'd say differently, but face it: You're using this as an attempt to force your boyfriend to bond with your child, and as I said in the other post regarding this, it is never a good idea to attempt to force these things.

ETA: If $200/month is all he wants to charge you, that is EXTREMELY reasonable for 4.33 weeks of child care.

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