should i keep my son from his dad if he has not seen him for a year no calls contact at all.

Melissa - posted on 01/19/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

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i have a 10 year old son. his father has always been in and out of his life. this last time he has not seen is son in a year no calls or anything my son does not want to go with him nor talk to him should i keep him from his dad since his dad will not comunicate with me at all. i have asked his dad to come to counsling with him and call him during the week but he does not. he thinks our son is just being a big baby. my son has suffered from depression and adhd. he has cut himself in the past to get attention from me so i dont send him what do i do

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Amanda - posted on 01/22/2011

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Does his father pay child support? Are you trying to get him to pay child support? I know many places that if the answers to the above questions are yes that you must make visitation available to dad. Of course, you could do this on your own terms. You could ask dad over for lunch. You guys could meet dad at the nearby park or mall and things like that. The neat thing about this is that you are allowing dad access, but if, like you said, dad won't talk to you, then he probably won't want you there when he visits with his son.

Colleen - posted on 01/22/2011

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He's at the age now that he knows what he wants and it sounds like the father needs a lesson in how not to be a deadbeat dad. If your son doesn't want to go don't make him it's not fair to him to make him go somewhere he doesn't feel welcome or wanted

[deleted account]

Just to reinforce what others have said, your best bet is to go back to court. You may even be able to get an emergency hearing right away (it's called an Ex Parte hearing - ask the people at the paperwork counter about it). If there's a visitation order in place, the only way you can legally stop visits is if the child's life is in danger. Get to court asap and see if your son't coulselor will testify on your son's emotional state.

Good luck!

Louise - posted on 01/20/2011

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I would write a letter to your ex and explain in detail what affects his relationship is having on your son and tell him that his son does not want to see him. Invite him around to the house to discuss this and if you get no reply at all then you know he does not have your sons interest at heart. Always leave the door open for your son to communitcate with his father should he want to because in the future he may change his mind. Your ex needs to make his mind up if he wants to be in his sons life or not he is not a toy he can disgard when he feels like it. Your ex needs to communicate with you whether he likes it or not as you are the sole care giver. Even if this is through letters. Your son is number one here try and guide him into seeing his dad but with his eyes wide open to how his dad is.

Michelle - posted on 01/19/2011

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The only option you have is to go back to court I think, based on your sons age a judge will take into consideration his feelings on the matter. If you don't let him see his dad there can be major ramifications I have seen it goes so far as dad winning custody of the child so please speak to a lawyer.

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[deleted account]

You are so right! She must cover herself through Court and a paper trail to prevent a transfer in custody!

[deleted account]

Oh, I am sooo sorry. I understand how upsetting this is. My daughter too has not seen her father for over 2 years per his own choice. He too has been in and out. My daughter also states she does not want to go either if he did come. I went to Court and filed a motion regarding this and my daughters feeling unsafe, also mentioned the 2 year absence. The Judge ordered supervised visitation under the direction of a Psycholigist. Of course my ex husband did not follow through. I would email only, no phone calls as you may one day need a paper trail for evidence that he has not been involved. It is so sad when the other parent puts our children through this. My daughter and I have a very close relationship, and we talk all of the time. She will from time to time bring the dead beat up and we process her feelings. Thankfully, she has not become depressed at all. I do hope both my child and your son will continue to be okay. I have found that when my daughter brings up the issue of not having a father, I remind her that their are all kinds of different families. This seems to help her.

Roberta - posted on 01/22/2011

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If your son doesn't want to see him and his father obviously doesn't want to see his son, then there is no dilemma. You are NOT keeping either of them from each other. My advice is to talk to your son and answer any questions as they arise in regard to his father. Explain to him that his Dad is limited and that he has to acccept his limitations. Get him into counseling.

User - posted on 01/20/2011

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surly at 10 years of age u have to follow ur son's wishes. his dad needs to see that he isnt a baby and there is a reason he wants nothing to do with him, i would say if u can out ur hand on ur heart and say u havnt influenced ur son then follow what he wants xxxxx

Melissa - posted on 01/19/2011

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that is what i am scared of i wrote a letter to his father and gave it to the cops to give to him. i stated that we need to figure out how to worktogether for our son and he needs to slowly gain his trust back. so i am calling the investigator tomorrow to let him know i am trying it is his father that is not and i need a address and phone for the father.

[deleted account]

Get a lawyer and get back to court. I'm assuming your son is in counseling? Use the counselors testimony and your son's as well, if needed. If you violate your court order you could very well end up in jail and your son will end up going w/ your ex anyway.

Good luck!

Iridescent - posted on 01/19/2011

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Get an attorney. Many states, after one year you can terminate parental rights and stop visitation. You'll lose child support, but in some cases it's worth it. If he still has parental rights and wants to see him though, you have to allow it. It's a thin line.

Melissa - posted on 01/19/2011

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thanks!!!!the only reason i am askin is because we have a court order and the cops are threating to arrest me if i dont let him go. they dont even care y. but i am willing to do what ever i need to to have my sons best interest at heart.

Blackwood - posted on 01/19/2011

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Personally I say if he doesn't want to communicate through you then no and for sure if you're son doesn't want to have anything to do with him then no. Don't put your son through something he doesn't want to if emotions are involved. Who cares of he thinks your son is a big baby. I'm not sure why you would consider having him in his life. If your son has reacted that way in the past. You have to protect your son and I think leaving his father out of the picture when clearly your son is not interested is the past way. Best of luck

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