Should I leave him now or later?

Sedona - posted on 01/21/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am 8 months pregnant and 17 years old. I am currently living with my boyfriend/father of my son and he is causing me a lot of stress and my depression is coming back full swing (i have a history of depression and have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety). We have been together for almost years now but I am not sure I can honestly handle the constant disrespect he shows me. Sometimes I feel like it is all in my head and I'm making it up but I know I am not because I know what he does to me is wrong. I just am scared to leave not because of where I would go, my family is very supportive and would take me and my son in, but about my son not being able to be around his dad. I of course would not keep my son away from his dad or his fathers family but also I do really love my boyfriend and I'm scared that if I leave I would get depressed and be heart broken. But I also know that I want my son to be raised with certain values and I don't want him to grow up thinking it is ok to treat anyone like how his father is treating me (i grew up in a broken family with parents who have never gotten along and were constantly fighting and hurting each other). I don't by any means want my son to grow up like that. So my question is not really if I should leave him because I feel like I will eventually have to as much as it hurts, unless he changes. My question is actually should I leave him before my son is born or after. The reason I ask this is because I really want him to be there when I have our son and be there to witness everything but I'm not so sure it would be comfortable if I move out and leave him and then go into labor and he's there. I want him to be apart of my sons life and I have no intention of taking my son away from him. Or should I wait and give him a second chance and if he doesn't change after my son is born then to leave him. I just really don't want my baby to have to deal with any stress and I already feel horrible because he already is dealing with stress because he feels my stress. I just don't want him to be unhappy. I want my baby to be happy and stress free. I just don't know what to do. My mom and grandma say I just really have to think about it and make up my mind and also quit thinking that I'm making this all up (because I do feel like sometimes I'm just making this all up). I really just want the best for my son and if that means not being able to be with his father then I will do it because as much as I love him I can not and will not cause any stress or harm to my baby because I love my son more than I love my boyfriend. Please help I just need some outside advice.

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Raye - posted on 01/21/2015

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If your boyfriend is a jerk, he'll probably still be a jerk after the baby is born. Your gut feeling is that he's bad for you and the child to be around all the time. He disrespects you. Leave him now. You will be better off without him stressing you out. If he wants to be involved in the baby's life, let him have visitation. Don't be tempted to go back to him unless he proves over time that he is respectful and wants to be a good father. Don't just listen to his words, he has to show you with his actions.

Kin - posted on 01/21/2015

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When I got pregnant with my first kid, I knew the father and I should not raise kids together. We couldn't even get along with each other, and over the pregnancy our feelings grew into contempt and hate. My biggest regret was not leaving him during the pregnancy. as I was unable to enjoy a moment of it with him around.

I would suggest you stay with your family for the rest of your pregnancy. I know you probably hear it all the time, but you are young. Now is the perfect time to let family take of you before baby comes. As for the father, maybe break up, maybe trail separation. Only you know deep in your gut what is right. And ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT! Mom and grandma don't know your relationship like you do! Take time to consider an appropriate parenting time plan for after baby is here. Let dad be in the kids life, but don't let him control your heart and mind.

Goodluck mama

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