G - posted on 11/01/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )
Okay I've been with my fiance for 3-4 years. I moved in with him last May and we've been engaged since new years. I have an 8 year old son and he has an 8 year old daughter and a 17 year old son. My son and his son live with us. Both of his kids' moms are terrible. One is hooked on prescription pills and the other is a fraudulent shopaholic con artist and is constantly asking him for money. He's a great provider for his kid, he makes sure they never go without but he's not a very involved parent. He's never gone to a parent/teacher conference, doesn't have them in any activities, can't have the sex talk with the son, won't even ask his son to take out the garbage so all he does is play video games and yet he wants to go to the navy next year :/. I'm the opposite, I'm very involved, I sit down every night to do homework with him, never miss a parent/teacher conference, communicate with his teacher, etc. My fiance usually comes to me for advice on what to do with his kids. Now, my sons dad isn't really there. I left that relationship when it became abusive. Hes around but not really. He calls but doesn't help, stands my son up all the time. Because his kids moms are the way they are, he doesn't help me financially either. We're always last. While I do understand he has to worry for his kids, he won't help me financially or otherwise. Summer comes and he makes sure his kids have what they need but can't even get my son a shirt or some socks. I work and I'm in school. Never has he offered to help with not even a text book. I buy my son everything. I have him in tae kwon do and I pay for that and all his needs, I pay all the utilities and food which easily come to $1000 a month, he's never offered to help. He says he will but doesn't. When I moved in he said he would but hasn't. He doesn't help discipline my son because he says he doesn't know how how. I'm 26 and have never had a nice car. I was beginning to look but hoped maybe he'd offer to help by taking a bill off my hands or paying the insurance, he didn't so that was the end of that. He has medical insurance and I don't. He's never offered to put me on his policy. He encourages me to look for a job with benefits so I can get my own. I mentioned looking for a bigger house because the one we have is small and we wouldn't be able to have anymore kids and his response was to find a job that payed me 50k a year so I can sign for it basically I'd be getting it on my own. He called that "help" because that's "what couples do". He has a lot of expenses but also has a business with his mom that does okay. He makes way more than I do. However I don't remember the last time he bought himself a shirt but yet he drives a 90k car and has a collectible sitting in his garage. He's said I don't help HIM. I used to volunteer to get his kids things like this summer, I spent money on his daughter and got all her school supplies and some clothes and also a dress and shoes and stuff she needed to be in a wedding when my son still needed things. I've saved a little money over the years from before I knew him and he throws it in my face and says if he had money saved, he'd use it for "us". I have to have a savings, I feel like I can't count on him. If I lost my job, I don't think I'd be able to rely on him. I opened my son a savings too when I started thinking one day my son would want a car or maybe go to college and I doubt fiance would help with that either. He does things around the house sometimes or if I ask but my son now wakes up crying because he misses his dad. He really needs a male father figure and I'm afraid I'll hurt him more by marrying someone who doesn't seem interested in raising him. I go to his sing a longs and karate classes and whatever else alone 90% of the time. My fiance does work a lot but it is his and his moms business so he can choose when he works and doesn't make a lot of effort at all to be there for my son. I don't know what to do. I've told him my concerns but it gets swept under the rug. He just gets defensive and says if I feel someone else is better for me to look for him. I really need help in raising my son. My son likes him because he is nice to him but u can tell he's not attached, he knows who's really "there". Any advice?