should I leave my husband

Dama - posted on 01/25/2014 ( 48 moms have responded )

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My husband told me he has a girlfriend. And he confessed that he does not want to divorce me. I did my research & found out it is one of the ladies he works with & she is aware that he is married to me. We have one daughter.

I'm still hanging on bu

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Mamakimmers - posted on 01/29/2014

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Why are people comming at you like your the bad guy ?!
She loved the man, but HE messed up, he has lost the most important thing, a family to come home . You walk away hunn, with your head held high . Imagine your future with your precious daughter and nothing but happiness , with an abundance of love and loyalty ... you deserve a partner who has so much more respect for you. I dont know you , but you are strong , to leave the man whom you have created life with, only to find something much greater . Believe sweetie everything will turn out alright .

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/28/2014

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His cheating, and exposing you to various virulent sexually transmitted diseases isn't enough to leave? Yeah, right.

He's potentially exposed his spouse to something that could very will kill her...and that's not a good reason to kick his sorry ass to the curb????

Right.

Desiree - posted on 01/28/2014

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If he didn't want to divorce you, why would he get a girlfriend in the first place? I truly believe in second chances, but is he willing to give up the girlfriend and be faithful? Think about your daughter, what kind of role model for a man is he giving her? And what would you be teaching your daughter if you simply let him have a girlfriend and stay with him ?
If you or him are not happy in this relationship is there really a point in staying together? Parents can still be GREAT parents separate, if your daughter is the reason you are staying together. Sometimes better parenting happens alone, then together. I can't tell you what to do, but I would encourage you have a long talk about what you both want and what would be the better route to take. Best of luck!

Gena - posted on 01/28/2014

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The first thing that came to my mind was "Hit the road jack and dont you come back no more no more" Sry but you deserve better then that!If i was in your situation i would tell him to leave(in a very unfriendly rude way) and i would send that woman a message letting her know how cheap rude and nasty she is!Sry that you are in this situation,must be terrible! Good luck and maybe there is a guy waiting out there for you that will be true and honost to you and treat you like a woman!I wouldnt waist your time with your current husband!

Danicia - posted on 01/28/2014

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do you think his behavior is fair to you or your marriage? would you want your daughter to accept a man that has another woman on the side?
what you allow is what he will get away with. if you don't like him having a girlfriend, you need to set the standard and stick to your guns. lay down the law, let him decide what he wants to do with it, and follow through with whatever consequences you set up.

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Lea - posted on 03/30/2014

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congrats on taking the first steps. I hope all works out for the best. Good luck hunny

Dama - posted on 03/14/2014

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Hi ladies
Just letting you know that I left my husband, though we are not yet divorced I left the house to go start a fresh with my daughter. I know it is
not going to be easy but I feel so relieved that I left.

Lea - posted on 02/17/2014

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oh sweety...What it really boils down to is what "you" want. It is time to get honest with yourself and decide whether or not you can handle being in a marriage that consists of you "sharing" your husband with another woman who is ready to compete with you as if cheating was a game to be played and nothing more. Your marriage is not a game, it is not a competition, nor should it be treated as one. If you have talked with your husband and he has already admitted that he is not willing to "give" his "girlfriend" up, then you need to ask yourself if you can live with that and if your daughter were older and married, how would you feel and what would you tell her if she was having the same problem you are currently having. Ask your husband that too, how would he feel if his daughter had a husband that was doing the same thing to her that he is doing to you, and what would he tell his daughter. Ask yourself where your self worth lies, ask yourself where your self respect lies. Ask your husband how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you had a boyfriend that knew about you being married but was ready to "compete" for you and but you didn't want to divorce him....I have a feeling your husband would not be okay with that scenario..... Ask yourself if you are ready to fight for your marriage and if it can be saved. If it can't be saved, then is it time to move on? I am assuming that you do not want him having a girlfriend or cheating, correct? Have you been honest with him about what you want and what you expect from him and the vows that he made you? That's another thing to remember; the vows that were made the day you two got married. He vowed to remain faithful, and if he is so willingly ready to break such a vow, what other vows is he willing to break? I could tell you to leave him, I could tell you to stick it out, I could tell you to fight, I could tell you to destroy him, I could tell you let him do what he wants to do...but nothing I, or anyone else says matters. What matters is what you want out of your marriage and what you are willing to do for your own happiness. Just remember that your happiness, or lack of happiness, affects your daughter as well. He is not just hurting you by doing what he is doing, he is hurting your daughter as well. You have a lot of choices to make that lay ahead of you, and you and you alone are the only one who can make them. They wont be easy choices to make, far from it, but as his wife you should be put first above everyone and everything, and if he is not willing to do that, then do you really want to stay with him? If his heart is not in the marriage a hundred percent, then do you really want to waste your love and efforts on someone who is not willing to treat you as his number one and only? I wish you all the best hun, truly.

Regina Angel - posted on 02/17/2014

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Would you want your daughter to go threw this cause they learn from their parents and she will think its ok for her husband to cheat on her cause that's what she grew up around. Hes not gonna give her up. He really doesn't love you if he cheated to being with. He doesn't care about family morals. You deserve better. My first husband was cheating on me and we had a daughter he wasn't willing to get a divorce but he wasn't willing to stop cheating so I left and it was the best thing for my daughter and me. People don't just make a mistake like cheating it takes a lot for a person to cheat you have to go somewhere take your clothes off and theres a lot to cheating its never a mistake its what they wanted and he called her a girlfriend not just a one night stand which means he has feelings for her. Hes taking away from you and your daughter by being with her. He's not looking to leave eighter of you but havehis cake and eat it to.

[deleted account]

S.L.- still SHREDDING people to pieces. He might be a really good husband that screwed up.
Lets not boss people around.
Let's try to give advice or opinions.
She may not want to be single....she may not want her daughter to be a casualty of divorce, he may never do this again.
Who knows? Let's not hang the guy.....

[deleted account]

What's your gut instinct?
Some women stick it through.
Some don't.
Which one are you?
A friend of mine- her husband actually had a gal pregnant the SAME time she was pregnant. 18 years later they are still together. Of course it took a LONG time for her (and me!) to trust him again, but they held the marriage together.
If you don't want to leave him- maybe make a post called 'how to recover after husband cheats' and then you can talk to other women who have or are going through the same thing.
Good luck.

Elsia - posted on 01/31/2014

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Talk to him. Preferably not in front of your daughter.


If he won't break up with her, just leave him. But you don't have too.


Just a thought. I was in the same situation. My husband left me 2 years ago for a girl more beautiful than me. And we had two little girls. One was one, and the other was four. And now I'm pregnant with a boy; from my boyfriend, who definitely treated me better. But he left me as soon as I said I was pregnant.

Taylor - posted on 01/31/2014

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Leave.
Leave.
Leave.

I'm sorry but you deserve better, I completely understand how having a child with someone can almost make you feel like you have an obligation to them but you don't.
He can still be a good father to your daughter and you can find someone worth your time.

Nelly - posted on 01/31/2014

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Tough one but knowing is the worse past.... deal with it yourself till u decide can can move out.... Good luck

Ranee - posted on 01/30/2014

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Honestly if you feel like you can no longer deal with knowing the fact and it will worsen your marrige if you stay with him then you should leave him now before your daughter sees you and her father argue all the time. Its best to divorce and be friends for your daughters sake. On the other hand if you still love him and feel that you can fix this then i suggest you see a marrige councler.

Rosie - posted on 01/30/2014

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It's not fair. As a husband an wife he should see you as one. With that said he is telling you he doesn't care about you or his family and child. I would ask him his reasons. And tell him your keeping the best part of him which is your child. Remind him that she must of taken all the things that you loved when she/he was born and leave it at that.

Jamie Leary - posted on 01/30/2014

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No woman deserves this including you. Rise up. Look in the mirror. Tell yourself you are a beautiful person and you are better than this. You and that little girl deserve better than this. He is a jerk. He will never change. I know that sounds terrible, but they really don't change. Confessions are made by men who think they are fixing to get caught. You're worth more than Gold.....

Jenny - posted on 01/30/2014

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U cant have ur cake and eat it. Think of urself 4 once and think how ur daughter will feel when old enough to understand if not already. Respect and honesty costs nothin somethin i feel ur husband doesnt understand or value!

Sully - posted on 01/30/2014

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girl.......i say to leave his ass. once a guy cheat they always will end up cheating again. we woman dont need a man to take care of us we woman are stronger then men ....plus there alot of single mom that raise there kids on there own u could do it too.. just start doing what you have to do for u and your daughter ,..and leave your husband and start a new life

Amy - posted on 01/29/2014

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OOOO Girl! Where is your self-esteem? And what kind of example would you be setting for your daughter if you stay in an unhealthy relationship? Please tell me you have a job so you can take care of your daughter and yourself???? If not that would be my first goal. A man is not a financial plan. Go look in the mirror, and repeat after me... You are a beautiful amazing woman and mother you deserve all you desire. Take yourself off the clearance rack and but yourself behind the glass with all the other diamonds. Love you, once you do that, everything else will fall into place.

Arlene - posted on 01/29/2014

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Oh I would allso say have yourself a date;) hell with him, your better then that.

Arlene - posted on 01/29/2014

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Oh leave him if you can, that is so wrong omg and your daughter how old is she?

Helen - posted on 01/29/2014

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i think you should leave him. If he regrets for his behavior and begs you to stay with him, then you should consider to sit down and have a talk with him. but as you said, he seems enjoying the situation that two women are competing over him. Clearly, he doesn't know how much hurtful his behavior to you and the family.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/29/2014

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YOu did tell him this isn't "Sister wives", right?

What a narcissistic asshole! HOney, he's indicating to you that he's NOT willing to stay monogamous with you, so it's time for him to go. Period. If she's willing to 'share' him with other women, it can be women other than you.

And, if you 'allow' him to have this gf, he isn't going to stop at just one.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/29/2014

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Good luck with your divorce. Just adding some more fuel for you to leave his cheating ass.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/29/2014

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Why are you gonna stay with him? Why WOULD you? Just cause he wants to cheat on you and stay married? That is not love. That is having your cake and eating it too.

The only thing this is going to teach your impressionable daughter, is that it is ok for men to cheat on their wives. You staying in this relationship is teaching your daughter what relationships look like. Do you want her to copy you?

Jasmine - posted on 01/29/2014

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follow your heart. You deserve to have ALL of him not have to share him with another woman.

Dama - posted on 01/28/2014

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Thank you all for your solution. The majority of you support me leaving the marriage. I did communicate to him that i'm leaving.

Varineke - posted on 01/28/2014

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That's not good enough reason to leave your husband... if you leave you'll probably end up alone or with someone worse ... if he's providing and being a descent father... I say work it out.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/28/2014

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Well, I'd be for castrating him, and taking his 'jewels' to the taxidermist for mounting for your wall.

But, hey, that's what I told my hubby would happen to him if he ever dipped his wick...And he hasn't in 25 years.

So. He wants his cake and to eat it too. He wants to string both of you along. Tough. Make sure that paternity is established, and file for divorce, support, and custody now.

Once a man cheats, they don't stop.

Suzie - posted on 01/28/2014

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Wow...life is too short to stay in a 'bad' but 'comfortable' situation. Ask your hubby if the tables were turned how would he feel?? Did he have 'safe sex'. Is this the message you want to instill in your daughter?? The decision is only yours but since he knows you aren't strong enough to make the 'right' decision, he will always take advantage of you... Your husband has the beat of both worlds... Go out on a 'date' with a good friend and see how he feels...

Candice - posted on 01/27/2014

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That's all you need. Give it to God and he will guide you through it. My prayers are with you and your family. :-)

Dama - posted on 01/27/2014

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Thank u i'm thinking hard. But it is so hard to make a decision. I'm praying for God's wisdom that I will make the best decision for all of us.

Candice - posted on 01/27/2014

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I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sure it sucks. I know it's hard to make a decision like this once you are so invested in it. I would say you should think hard about this and how it is going to affect you and your daughter in the long run. Hopefully this is not exposed to her. You wouldn't want your daughter to be in the same position of pain once she is married. You are n control of this situation. Your husband will only do what you allow him.

Jodi - posted on 01/25/2014

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He wants to keep both of you? He wants his cake AND wants to eat it too? Sorry, but he is an asshole. Just saying. I'd be filing for divorce, and tell him he is welcome to his girlfriend - if she knows he's married and still allows him to cheat on you, then they deserve each other. May karma come back to bite them......

Michelle - posted on 01/25/2014

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Sorry but if he thinks adultery is fine then I would be kicking him out and getting seeing his butt in court.
He wants the best of both worlds and it doesn't work that way. He either chooses you or his mistress, he can't have both.
Just because HE doesn't want to divorce you doesn't mean you can't divorce him.

Dama - posted on 01/25/2014

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Thank you all for the replies, all the comments are helpful & comforting. But from the conversations i have had with him looks like he wants to keep the both of us. I love my man but i will not handle his unfaithfullness & I will take the final decision latter. I'm not sure that showing him how much I love him will win him over to me, coz there other lady told him she is ready to compete with me & he seems to enjoy the whole situation.

Leigh - posted on 01/25/2014

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Well since you are married i know this is a very hard decision for you. I'm sure several people would advise you to leave but this is ultimately your decision. I wasn't married to my children's father and it was very hard for me to leave him, but I finally did after several years of dealing with the cheating crap.

First, you need to give your husband an ultimatum. Its either you (do not bring your daughter into this argument or threaten to take her) or the home wrecker! I call her a home wrecker because, no matter how unhappy he tells her he may be or what lines he feeds her, she should not even give him the time of day. I do not understand woman that go after married men. I think it makes them feel as if they have power or something. Anyways...He is a married man and should not be with any other woman.

I think men tend to cheat because they lose interest with who is at home waiting for them. We start getting comfortable, wearing sweats around the house and not dressing as nice, wearing our hair up in a messy bun instead of letting it down and taking pride in our appearance, farting and burping lol. All those lady like traits that we had before that ring was put on the finger all start diminishing, its almost as if they do not see the woman that they married anymore

Also men need sex! Plain and simple. Sex is a very important part of marriage. Most might not agree, but it is. They need it. Men are like babies, they like affection and want to be noticed. They act like Mr. Tough guy but inside they really love it when we do really sweet things for them. When they feel like you don't notice them or their feelings they start looking for it elsewhere. These little man eater home wrecking woman are showing married men what they are not getting at home.
We fall out of love because we stop trying. There was a reason that you guys stood face to face and took those vows. If you love your husband you need to show him how important he is to you and how much you love him. I am not saying that it is okay that he is cheating. For all I know he could just be that type of guy. I don't know what type of guy he is. But I do know that you married him for a reason, and if you love him, show him. I could go on and on about this. If you need to talk through email i would be more than happy. loveleighdavids@yahoo.com

Ashley Rene - posted on 01/25/2014

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If he wont break up with the girlfriend then break with him. Simple as that but talk to him first a see where his mind is at. Don't accept that no one should be cheated on and if he thinks its ok and you should accept then you know he'll never be faithful to you so break up with him. Don't be with him just because you have a daughter together. You deserve to be happy. Put him in check girl. Hope all goes Well :-/

Ev - posted on 01/25/2014

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Its time for a long hard talk with him. You need to find out what his intentions are. He needs to think long and hard what he has with you and what he is doing with her. He has basically cheated on you. THere is no other word for it. Its time for counseling or letting him go.

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