should i let my 15 year old son move in with his father?

Malina - posted on 07/10/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My ex and I have been apart for almost 13 years now. "He" was very abusive in every way. I never stopped the kids from seeing him and when they would go to visit during the summer months they would always call me crying begging to come get them. Their father disappears for almost 2 years. Now "he" is back in the picture and wanted to see the kids so I let them go visit while their grandfather was there to keep an eye out on things and "he" is telling kids how he has changed and promising them all these things. It is like "he" never did anything, like "he" never hurt the kids and has been there forever. It would kill me like crazy but I honestly would let my son move in with their dad if "he" had a stable job, stable house, stable life but that is not him. "He" has about 8 kids now, most by different women, in the last 6 months "he" has moved to 3 different states, "he" doesnt pay child support, "he" changes jobs like normal people do their underware. Since my kids have been back they have really started being super mean to me, like I am the bad person. I dont talk bad or bring up the bad things that happened in the passed as I want them to have their own opinon of him. "He" is sending kids txt telling them what to say and how to say it, asking when can he come to TX to pick them up. So I decided to make a deal with the kids, I told them if they start being responsible, start doing chores, start taking showers and brushing their teeth on their own without being told and making good grades that I would make sure that they would see their dad everytime they are out of school. Holidays, Spring Break and Vacations they could go to their dads, my daughter, 13, agreed right away and seen I was trying my son got even madder. It is like he doesnt want to hear anything I say. I am worried I am going to come home one day and my son will be gone. My son already told his cousins that as soon as I get him his DL and truck he is gone. Well needless to say I canceled his classes that start yesterday. Please help I need advice, I feel as if my heart has been ripped out and my son is just jumping on it.
Thanks.

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Jodi - posted on 07/10/2012

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Yeah, it did sound that way. It still does. But daddy is daddy. He shouldn't have to prove anything to YOU. Your children are old enough to make some of their own choices. Don't use daddy as a reward for doing their chores. Allow them to have a relationship with him. They will resent you if you don't (looks like your son is already resenting you for it). You don't have to like it.

Malina - posted on 07/10/2012

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I know it sounded that way but I didn't mean it like that. I think with my ex's passed that he should prove that he has changed and my kids will be ok when they are there. This way I will feel more comfortable in knowing they are safe and not worry as much.

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