Erika - posted on 03/26/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )
So my husband and I havent talked with my biological father for 2 years because we do not agree with his lifestyle and because he had said some very hurtful things before our wedding (he wasnt invited to the wedding because of it and we havent had any contact with him since)
He has not ever really been there for me throughout my life, only when it benefitted him, and never helped my mother out with medical bills etc. And on top of that never had anything nice to say toward or about my mom or my sister ( not his, from my moms first marriage).
THe reason my husband and I choose not to speak with him is because we do not agree with the way he speaks to people, about people of other races and culturals (he doesn't like people that choose to be gay or lesbian, people of color and other sorts) and also he is an alcoholic that doesn't take care of my 8 year brother ( his live in GF has a 9 year old daughter as well, neither of the kids are supervised and are pretty much left to fend for themselves in terms of homework, bathing and so forth as my dad and his GF sit in the garage drinking and playing darts).
My husband and I ( I was raised by my mother and stepfather (who i consider my father as he is always here for me and calls me and my sister his own) were both raised to respect all people and not to look down on anyone. We were both also raised in Christian homes, and know that it is not our place to judge anyone (including my bio dad) and have choosen to raise our daughter (due in May) to treat everyone with respect and to raise her in a Christian based home.
My question is, do we (even though we do not agree with him or his lifestyle right now) let my bio dad know that he has a granddaughter, or do we leave well enough alone. He has not tried to contact us and we are leaving that up to him ( he knows why we disagree with his lifestyle and that in order for him to be in good terms with us he has to try to get better).
I thought about sending a birth announcement with a letter of why again, we do not speak, why we disagree with his choices that he has made, and if he would like to meet his granddaughter what stipulations must occur in order to meet her ( it has to be on our terms, no drinking before hand, both the husband and i must be present and it would be at a neutral location (we moved and he doesnt know where we live, nor do we know if we want him to know quite yet, he does have email and our phone #)....
Please help us. we have been praying and know that Jesus wants us to forgive him but then again we dont want to expose our baby girl to that unhealthy lifestyle. It doesn't match what we want her to know and what morals we set forth.
Erika & Patrick & ( Baby Klaire )