should i let my daughter see grandma?

[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

My 11 yr old daughter absolutely loves her grandma. I know she does. Her gma means the world to her, i feel that my daughters true feeling towards me is that she loves me, but hates me. if she had a choice, she'd live w gma. I was a teenage mom when i had her and i will admit, i was emotinally detached from her for only the first yr of her life , but i have changed and i love my daughter, but i feel like when she was little her gma was emotionally connected to her more than i was. we lived together and i had my baby during the day when everyone was at wrk and when gma came home frm wrk she would just take her from me. and i felt rude to go get her so i just left them alone. I got my own place whn my girl was 8yrs old. I have been trying to form a better relationship with my daughter, but i feel like she still wants her gma. just last yr me and gma got into a fight for the last time and i have cut off contact with her. family memebers tell me gma wants to desperately see my daughter and my daughter wants to see her. but i do not want that. please help me....i want my daughter happy, but i do not this woman to be in my life anymore. i am afraid that if i let my daughter see gma, that i will loose my daughter to her. she put me through hell and back while i lived with her. it almost felt like she wanted me out of the picture and only wanted my daughter and her son to live with her. she tried everything to break us up with lies while i gave her respect. in the end, her son and i are married living with our daughter. should i allow my child to have visits with her gma? her son even stopped talking to her. or should i stay away from someone who has hurt me and her son so much? it is killing me to see my daughter cry for her gma, but it is kiling me to know that if this woman is capable of hurting me and her son, she can do the same to my daughter when she gets older.


Jodi - posted on 02/10/2013




I think you are making a huge mistake by restricting your daughter's relationship with her grandma. Grandma has been a major part of her life, and while I understand you don't get along with your mother and don't wish her to be in your life, clearly she is not hurting your daughter. Right now, the only person hurting your daughter is you. I can only see this ending badly for you if you don't allow the relationship between them. At this stage, you have no REAL reason for keeping her away other than your own feelings towards your mother, and this reason will not wash with your daughter, especially as she gets older. She won't respect you for it later. This isn't an argument you can win. If, once your daughter is an adult, your mother hurts her, then that is something she will have to deal with. You haven't mentioned what it is that happened that caused the rift, but obviously it has nothing to do with your daughter.

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