Should I let my ex boyfriend still see my son

Kristin - posted on 02/04/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I am recently out of a 4 yr relationship he was very mentally abusive and controlling but he took my son at 2 months old and claimed him as his own. My son is now 4 and adores him and is wondering where daddy is. My ex very much wants to see him and stay involved but I am at a loss what to do. Part of it Is I think he wants to stay connected with him to stay connected with me.

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Jodi - posted on 02/04/2016

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You need to talk to your son about the fact that he wasn't his real daddy. Do NOT leave that conversation until he is a teenager. I can tell you that from experience. My nephew really struggled when his "dad" left him at age 4 (same circumstances as yours) and he truly believed his dad had abandoned him when he was 4 and didn't want him any more,. He didn't realise the man wasn't his real dad. Then, by chance, he found out the truth as a teenager. So all those years he though his dad abandoned him, when in fact, that wasn't the case. His relationship with his mum deteriorated as a result of being lied to about the real situation. Tell your son the truth (at an age appropriate level).

Dove - posted on 02/04/2016

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It's not easy, but he'll be OK w/ it over time. Do you have another man (your father, a brother, family friend, etc...) that can be a positive male role model to him? My ex (father of my kids) is barely involved and it REALLY helps my son that he spends every Saturday w/ my dad. Kids crave that male attention and it's important to find a healthy way to foster that for kids when you are a single mom.

I'm not sure the right age for this since I believe kids should be raised w/ the truth from the start... but at some point (maybe now... maybe in a couple of years when he can understand better how babies are made) he needs to be aware of the fact that the man he has called daddy is NOT his biological father... and that another man helped create him.

Ev - posted on 02/04/2016

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Is this guy the bio father? If not, he really has no rights to see your son or be with him. If this guy was abusive and controlling of you, you do not want to keep this going.

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Jodi - posted on 02/09/2016

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Kristin, were you responding to my post? If so, allow me to clarify.....after my sister-in-law left her ex, my nephew had no contact with the man he thought was his dad either. Whether you choose to cut all ties or not, your son still needs to know the truth about who his father actually is.

Kristin - posted on 02/09/2016

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Its not his real father and two days before he left he hurt my son physically so I AM CHOOSING TO CUT ALL TIES!

Kristin - posted on 02/09/2016

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His real biological father did abandon him at 2 months so unfortunately there's no way of getting around that,

Kristin - posted on 02/04/2016

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Thank you deep down I know all ties need to be cut I am just beating myself up over my son growing up without a daddy. I never wanted that for my son.

Kristin - posted on 02/04/2016

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No he is not the bio father, He never was that way to my son but I see what you mean I just don't know how to tell my son daddy is gone:(

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