Janelys - posted on 03/31/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )
I just recently became pregnant and I'm dealing with decision of wether or not to let my in laws be a part of my babies life. My fiance has two children from a previous relationship which I have no problem with. Prior to ending his relationship with his childrens mother he was involved with a married woman who at the time was separated from her husband. She decided to return with her husband and soon after became pregnant. Years passed and I met my now fiance. Almost a year into our relationship the married woman tracks my fiance to tell him that she has doubts regarding her babies partenity. She didn't know if it was my fiance's or her husbands. They took a DNA test and effectively it turned out to be my fiances child. This woman told my fiance she didn't want him to have anything to do with her baby and decided to continue fooling her husband into beleiving it was his baby ( her husband didn't know they took a DNA test). In the end she ended up confesing to her husband and he forgave her and said he would continue to raise and recognize the child as his own.
Now the problem starts. My fiance stupidly told his mother the truth since she always said that could be his baby. As soon as she found out she practically told all of his family. Now my MIL and SIL are reaching out to the other woman as to keep in touch with the baby. They are also telling my husbands other children about this ilegimate child that has nothing to do with my fiance. We as a couple decided since they wanted him in no part related to the child that we would go our way as if she didn't exist and keep it a secret. I even told him that if he wanted to recognize the other child and fight for his rights that he could but that I wouldn't be by his side. I feel that a man with 3 three children to support doesn't have much to provide. Especially when I at the time didn't have any children.
I have gotten into arguments with the MIL and SIL about them going against our decisions, and I'm not in speaking terms with them. But I know that once I have my baby they are going to want to be around her. But the thing is I don't want them around her because I don't want my child to know about "the secret", and because I especially don't trust people that go against my back around what will be the most precious thing in my life.
Am I making the right decision in not letting them come around?
I know the ilegitimate child has to fault. Yet I feel that since her mother decided her faith and chose to exclude my fiance that I then have no need to recognize her existence.