Should I let the absent father see my son?

Nicole - posted on 09/15/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My son's father has not been a part of my son's life for 7 years. He recently started paying child support and wants to see him. We were never married nor is there a court order for visitation.. My son say's he wants to meet him but I don't know if I should let him. Should I let him even though I know he is not a good role model? Is it wrong of me to deny visitation to both of them?

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Elizabeth - posted on 09/15/2011

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Are you legally the custodial parent? Check about the laws in your state BEFORE you do anything. Don't assume that just because you are the mom and you were unmarried that you are legally the custodial parent. It could become an issue if you decide on visitation and your sons dad doesn't return him on time. CYA (cover your butt)

Because of the past, I recommend that visitation be supervised.

Ez - posted on 09/15/2011

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You owe it to your son to at least give it a chance. Unless the father is a drug addict or criminal, I really don't think you will be doing your son any favours by keeping them apart.

My daughter's father is also not in her life, and if at any point he decides to become involved I will welcome it. But he is also a reasonably good guy (just incredibly selfish), so I have no fears over his influence on her.

You're actually in a pretty good position in that you will have all the control. You can dictate all the details. You can ensure you meet in a public place, that you be present, and that the first meeting be kept short. Take advantage of that, because if your ex is paying child support he could go to court and be granted much more significant visitation rights.

Tamara - posted on 09/15/2011

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I agree with Rachel, just because he wasnt a good role model then don't mean he isn't now, Maybe he has grown up and wants to step up to the plate.

Rachel - posted on 09/15/2011

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I think I would set something up in a public place for the first visit so they get to meet and go from there. Good luck

LaKresha - posted on 09/15/2011

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To be honest i think that either they meet now or later. Hes paying child support so 1 step at a time. its okay to be worried and confused just give it a shot...how about if you do decide to let them meet stick around and see how they act around each other...you never know what could happen..Good Luck!!!

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Ez - posted on 09/15/2011

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Ok, with that information I can completely understand you being cautious. I would be too. But it has been a long time, and with you having all the control you can put at stop to it at any time if he behaves inappropriately. Good luck!

Nicole - posted on 09/15/2011

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Thanks for the advice everyone. I guess I knew in my heart that I should give him the chance, it's just a scary thing for me considering he actually was a drug addict and criminal... Anyhow he says that he has changed since he got married so I'm going to give him a chance. Not for him necessary, but for my son!

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