Should I make my child repeat seventh grade

Lawyerthomason - posted on 04/25/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My child has a normal IQ. However, he is in the lowest math group with an extra help math class. This is his only A. he has a low C in English and in the low 60's on his othe subjects. He is making poor scores on his nationalized test. He still has to be told to flush the toliet, brush his teeth, wear clean clothes, pick up after himself. He has to be told how to hold a fork cut his meat chew with his mouth closed. He acts 4 years old not 12 almost 13. He thinks every thing is funny. He just wants to play. I've raised 3 other children each had a desire to do something well but not this one. He wants to be the best at everything but to nothing to make it happen. HELP.

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Constance - posted on 04/25/2011

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Please understand I am not saying that there is something wrong but for someone to say that some children just don't acheive academic success is just plain wrong. And to get the story straight my daughter may have Asperger's but she is in all A.P. classes with a 97% average in each of her classes. But until she was diagnosed she struggled with learning because we didn't know the best way for he to learn. There is nothing wrong with making sure that there isn't a underlying problem. Every child is able to have all the success in the world with the right help they can succeed.

Barb - posted on 04/25/2011

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I was looking at this earlier today and posted to get your son evaluated. I too was thinking Aspergers. My son is 14 and has been diagnosed since he was 7. Our psyciatrist has been my biggest support. and a 504 plan or an IEP to provided the individualizes support he needs is a good thing. If you know he is of average intelligence or better get it checked. Your child sounds like a kid that does not do things so he won't be at fault for his failures. If his siblings are above average that is an added pressure to achieve. I think you might be surprised to find out he is the brightest of the bunch and has been holding back because he is afraid he is not perfect. Aspergers kids need an advocate. Look up Matthew Hutten on line he has great parental support classes.

Constance - posted on 04/25/2011

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I have the same problem with my 15 year old but I have had her assessed only in the last two years for Asperger's which she was diagnosed. I had her tested when she was nine for other problems and she was diagnosed with ODD, ADHD, BI Polar, Anxiety disorder, and PTSD. I don't think that this is wrong with your son but having him tested you might beable to help manage the symptons. If he is failing several classes then you can go about it two diffeent ways. Retest him to see if he does know the work or make him take the classes again because if he truelly doesn't know the information then it is just going to hurt him in the long run.

Barb - posted on 04/25/2011

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Find a good psychiatrist in your area and have him tested. Bright children who do not wish to apply themselves and live in a fantasy world might actually have an underlying condition. Child who want to be perfect but do not apply themselves are usually afraid to fail. If they do not try then it is not their fault when thet do not succeed. We have been there with my son and it takes and actual pyscatrist to get an acurrate diagonsis to start from. He has real symptoms to fixable problems but you need to know what you are dealing with. Get a professional to help you. Support and acurrate information will help you make an informed decision that will help you and your son. Good Luck. Keep us posted.

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The choice to hold your son back should be a decision between you and your school psychologist. My son repeated a grade and did just fine after that. Every child evolves at a different pace and do not do things just because they reach that "age". I made it a point to follow my son around for a month (not continuously because i work outside the home) when we were together, just correcting him and making him follow through when needed. Now he does about 90% of things on his own without having to be reminded.
Just in case, I would have him tested for any underlying causes of his behavior just to rule out anything.
Hope this helps. :)

Caroline - posted on 04/25/2011

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I am horrified at some of the responses here! Surely he is your child and you love him and want what is best for him but why does that mean you actually have to do something and why do you assume something is wrong with him? All children learn at a different rate and some just aren't adept at showing what they know which may mean they never achieve academic success but as you say his IQ is normal. Chill! Enjoy your son and let him enjoy his life. Support and encourage him with school but value him for who he is and not what he can achieve. My middle child seemed much the same and I worried he would never achieve anything but he is now a high achiever in all subjects and set on joining the police force. I put it down to not pushing and expecting too much from him. Good luck!

Krista - posted on 04/25/2011

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It may be worth getting him assessed. It could just be that he's flaky and scatterbrained, but it could be something else -- it's worth investigating. Your son sounds a bit like my nephew: he just couldn't focus on anything, and had the impulse control of a toddler (seriously, he was 10 and found a bit of broken pop bottle on the ground, and actually LICKED it to see if he could still taste the pop!)

Fernanda - posted on 04/25/2011

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Having your child repeat a grade...will only increase problems in school. He will be teased by other students and it will affect his self-esteem. Maybe, the issue is not academics...he might have other issues that need to be checked (eyesight, hearing etc.). Remember to be patient ...not all children are the same because they come from the same family. Your child needs extra help...so try to give it to him in which ever way possible. He is a special learner and needs extra attention. Try to focus on the small things first maybe set up a reward program, if he cleans up after himself without being remind for a week then he gets a reward of his choice ...something reasonable for example going to the movies. Good Luck and remember to be consistent.

Lawyerthomason - posted on 04/25/2011

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I have gifted children this one is normal. His siblings ate grown. No one address the issue of failing school work when capable. This child is almost 13 I should not have to stand over him and force him to do anything.

Amanda - posted on 04/25/2011

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From your description I don't think that holding him back a year will give him the time to "grow up" that you are looking for. Have you always been an involved parent? Checking his homework, setting expectations, being involved as possible in his schoolwork? My child is only 6 but he has several chores, involved in swimming ,tball, football, and wrestling, at or above grade level for academics, but socially and emotionally young. As another mom has suggested, those that are gifted are often afraid to fail and would prefer not to try rather than do less well than expected. My son wouldn't walk in front of me until 15 months when he literally walked across the house by himself. He didn't want to show anyone until he was sure he wouldn't fail. He hardly spoke until he was 3, when he was evaluated he could make letter sounds that weren't expected until 8 years old. He finally just started speaking in sentences.

In kindergarden during writing time he refuses to try to spell words and prefers to copy them, won't read aloud to the group, and prefers to use the counting tools during math. He surprised his teacher by doing all those things when I visited class one day and didn't give him a choice...told him he could do it without help...and he did.

He would rather play video games or with his cars than learn about things. If he has homework he rushes through and does a sloppy job (right, but sloppy) so I ask him to redo it so his teacher can read it nicely. He doesn't color in the lines because it takes too much time - unless I ask him and bribe him with a reward.

I've found it helpful for a few weeks or months (depends on the task and frequency) to bribe with a reward. When it becomes part of the routine or expectation then you can remove the reward and move onto something else. "If you get good grades in English this week we will have pizza" or something similar. If pizza is part of your weekly routine you might have a few weeks without it. Find what his motivating factor is. If its not food, then sports, or video games, or something else. We've restricted video games in our house to once a week for two hours if he has not had any whining or crying fits for silly reasons (like not being able to do something well) and his room is clean Keep reassuring him that practice is how you are able to do something well and he needs to keep practicing. Point out he didn't know how to ride a bike at first, but kept practicing, or he couldn't play a game really well, but after practice he's really good now.

I have found that very intelligent children thrive on routine and the more routine and expectations you give them, the more they will excel and have confidence to strive for higher goals.

Lawyerthomason - posted on 04/25/2011

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No not punishment. Just want him to have another year to grow up before high school I have a meeting with the school soon. There is no fix to this he is sweet and loving he just does not care about doing anything. He has magic thinking. If he wants to do well just think you will and poof you succeed

Barb - posted on 04/25/2011

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Have you checked with the school to see if you they will allow you to hold him back a grade?



And are you wanting to do this for punishment? Let the school try to fix him?



Have you checked his reset button lately? That is the button on the back of his head where his neck meets it.



Do you think this is a matter of not applying himself or is this just as good as he's going to get? If he needs more help then get him more help, he may just be slow, maybe he needs glasses. my parents didn't know i needed glasses until 7th grade when my teacher told them she caught me squinting at the board, and i was in the front row! LOL



So many variables here. perhaps have him tested with a psychologist to see if there are underlining factors for this negative behavior and then talk to the psychologist yourself to see if there are any parenting techniques you can do to help him.



Best of luck to you.



See? you had it so good with the first two you just had to go tempt fate by having that third one didn't you? LOLOL.. (i'm a third child, and the youngest, and the only girl, and yes, i recall being told once or twice i was rotten as a child)

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