Should I put the father's name on the BC if I'm uncomfortable?

Haley - posted on 05/14/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi! I am from WI and the father to my unborn child has not been sober one day that I have been with him (2 years). He wants to be in her life but I feel uncomfortable because of how aggressive he can be and the fact that he has been constantly doing drugs and drinking. Should I put him on the Birth Certificate? I'm worried that he and his new girlfriend will try to take custody of her. They both drink and do drugs together. I'm not sure what I should do to keep my baby away from that.

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Raye - posted on 05/15/2015

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Under Wisconsin law, an unmarried mother has sole legal custody until a court orders otherwise. If the father and mother cannot agree on custody and placement, the father will need to get a court order.

If you don't put his name on the birth certificate, there is a state law that requires the Child Support Office to start an action within 6 months of receipt of notification that a child was born. So, you will have to establish paternity either way. However, establishment of paternity and instituting child support has nothing to do with custody and visitation.

Fact is, though, not only does a father have a right to get to know his child, but the child has a right to get to know their father. I hope you will consider giving him limited visitation. If you will be breast feeding the baby, then visitation for the first 6 months to a year should be only a few hours at a time, so the baby has access to you for feeding as necessary. This should give you time to monitor his interaction with the child, and (hopefully) make you more comfortable with him moving into longer, unsupervised, visitation.

Jodi - posted on 05/15/2015

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His name on the birth certificate won't make a difference - if he wants to be in her life he can get a DNA test and demand his right regardless of what the birth certificate says.

Michelle - posted on 05/14/2015

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He is the Father so he has the same rights as you.
You would be better off getting the advice of a lawyer and getting custody and child support in place. It doesn't matter if he is on the BC or not, he can always get a DNA test to prove paternity.
You were with him for 2 years and you fell pregnant to him. If he was that bad why?

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Dove - posted on 05/15/2015

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The other ladies have pretty much covered it. Not putting him on the birth certificate will not change anything. If he wants rights... he WILL get them. Period. Now... if you have legitimate concerns and proof of the drug and alcohol abuse by all means push for supervised visitations, but you can't make a baby w/ a man and then cut him out if he wants to be involved just because you don't like/trust him. Real life doesn't work that way.

Michelle - posted on 05/14/2015

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Again, you can't make that decision only a judge can.
Get yourself a lawyer.

Haley - posted on 05/14/2015

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I felt he could change but we had been on and off for the 2 years and he hasn't shown any signs of trying to quit. I'm worried that with him in her life he will only bring problems for her.

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