Should I respect that my 12 year olds have password for phone and won't give it to me?

Cece - posted on 03/31/2015 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I see my twin girls on the phone all the time, so I was curious and asked for the password so I could see and they were refused to give it to me.

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Raye - posted on 03/31/2015

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12 year olds should not have smart phones. If they need a phone to contact you for sports, afterschool programs, etc. then they should have the basic ones that have only a few numbers programmed into them and no other services.

You are their parent, and have a right to see their phones. Children should have no expectation of privacy. If they are doing anything inappropriate, then you could be brought up on charges, so definitely you need to see their phones. Tell them either they can give you the passwords (the easy way), or you will take the phones away, take them to a store and have them unlocked and see what's been deleted in case they tried to clean them out before handing them over (the hard way).

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My youngest is 9 ns she told me her friend brings her OWN laptop and iPhone to school
We are talking grade 4. A parent with any kind of brain in their head should know better than to give a young person stuff like this ridiculous

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/02/2015

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No. There is so much they can hide on a cell phone. That will be my number one rule, I see everything or it is mine.

My niece was 10 when she got hers and I thought it was a bad idea. Not my kid. Bullying started soon after.

If they have to have a private passcode, that to me means there is something to hide. That is when you take it. She doesn't get it back until you get her passcode. After you have checked the content, and you approve of all of her search engines, texts, pictures, facebook etc, then she can get it back. With random checks. YOU have the passcode period.

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Michelle - posted on 04/02/2015

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My oldest son (almost 14) got a phone for Christmas only because the boys were going to be getting the bus home this year. It has been good because they have lost each other a couple of times. I have the password for his phone and he doesn't care that I occasionally go through it.
I bought the phone, I pay for his credit so I have the right to know what he is using it for. If he starts using it for things other than it's intended use then it will get taken away. Yes he has a smart phone but his Dad has given him an Ipad so he doesn't use it for internet. Just texts and calls.

Ledia - posted on 04/02/2015

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Two of my nieces got iphones for their 9th birthdays. My husband's sister (the mother of one of the girls) already found nude pictures which were shared over Blendr. This 9 year old sent nude images and videos of herself to a stranger. The police were contacted, but thus far they do not have a way to track the person she sent them to. As far as we know, there has been no personal contact with this person, but it really could be ANYONE because of the anonymity these sites offer--it could even be a teacher at her school. All we know is that the person lives within 50 miles of her. THAT person now knows what her bedroom room looks like--he knows from the posters on my nieces wall what her interests are, so conversing is easy. He or she can find her on fb because this app was linked to her fb account, but the predator's account was linked to a fake account (that is another thing--9 year olds are NOT mature enough to have fb accounts!!!! I'm not even sure 14 year olds are....) where he can find out where my niece goes to school, who her friends are, what extra curricular activities she does, etc. He was smart. He sent only close up images of his penis, hands, and one shot of his chest in front of a white wall--no identifying tattoos, scars, or other marks.
This niece is now 10 years old and from her very short experience chatting on these apps, she now believes that it is normal to have several sexual partners when she gets to middle school--not high school, MIDDLE school (6th grade!!). She literally said to me "I don't need to be smart because I am beautiful, and I will be really great in bed. Lots of men have told me so already." The phone is gone, but the damage is already done.

Ledia - posted on 04/02/2015

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My son has an old school flip phone--it was my dad's old phone before he FINALLY switched to a smartphone last year. My kid is 10. I can see no reason whatsoever that he would need a smartphone, but I am amazed at the number of kids his age who have them.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/02/2015

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THat is scary stuff Ledia. Maybe my kids will have flip phones...or Zach Morriss old school bulky phones.

Ledia - posted on 04/02/2015

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Please read this article on dangerous apps kids are putting on their phones. I'm sure most parents already know about kik, tender, snapchat, Omegle, and the like, but there are a few on this list that I was unaware of, and some scary details about the popular ones that I did not know about as well.
http://www.foreverymom.com/parents-kids-...

Many of the social networking apps like tender, kik, yap, and others use GPS to track location, making it very easy for predators to track down and meet up with minors.
There are also now apps like Poof, Apps Lock, and Hide It, which will make apps invisible on the child's phone so that they can hide what apps they use from their parents.

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I totally agree with the last post !! Your house your rules and if they don't like it too bad take the phones back

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/02/2015

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Don't give them ANY warning that you are taking it, so they do not delete content. And yes I would do what Raye said if they won't give you the password.

They want to go to dads so bad, let them. It sounds like an empty threat to control you.

Dove - posted on 03/31/2015

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The only way a 12 year old should have any phone or electronic device is under the condition that the parent knows ALL of the passwords and the child is aware that the parent can and will check everything at any moment. Now... that doesn't mean the parent WILL check, but a child needs to be well aware that nothing about electronic devices is private. Once you put it out there... anyone in the world w/ enough knowledge can access it and use it to harm you or others...

If I asked for a password on my child's device and they chose to not give it to me... they would lose said device permanently. I do NOT keep super close tabs on my children old enough to have devices... but they only have these devices w/ the understanding that I am mom and the devices are MINE... they just get to use them if they prove responsible enough.

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The matter what happens Just know that you have done the right way and 100 percentin the long run they will respect your problem you have to do what's right for your children even if it's the dad that is going against you I wish you the best let us know what happens

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/31/2015

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Again, if you and their father aren't on the same disciplinary page, you need to be

Cece - posted on 03/31/2015

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Hi feel a bit stronger as to how to deal with the situation thanks to all who responded, however it was their father who bought their cell phones to keep in touch with them asked me and your dad do not agree on a lot of things imagine that he bought them a cell phone.... So when my girls get here from school today which will be in about an hour I am going to confront the situation I guess I'm just terrified of losing them to their dad.

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Your house your rules and be strong every week we have a family meeting about everything about life about school but responsibility and so far we've been very lucky with our kids they follow it but you have to let them know that you love them very much but these are the rules

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I agree with Shawn completely !!!!! As parents we are responsible for their safety and welfare until they leave the house. Too many predators out there. Stand your ground. YOUR rules. You make it and stand by it. They don't like it. Too bad

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/31/2015

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Who paid for the phones? Who's paying for the monthly bill? If YOU ARE...get the passwords or take the phones away.

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for your child, and all of their actions until they turn 18. This means that if they decide to send nude pics of themselves, YOU ALSO can be prosecuted.

If their father bought the phones, and is paying for them, then he needs to be on the same page. They can also leave the phones at their father's house so that they're not tempted to break your rules on electronics...

[deleted account]

I only gave the phone to my 12-year-old will she's 14 now but when she was 12 and we gave her one Christmas just so that we can be in contact with her when she was at school or at a function after school that's the only reason I want to give her the phone I understand you want to trust your daughters but we also have to be somewhat in control of them before they leave the house

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I would absolutely not let my daughters have a password on the phone if they have something to hide then they would want to have a password otherwise I need to be open and honest my daughter has a so phone I don't look through it but she doesn't have a password on it and if I say to her I want to look at your phone she gives it to me without hesitation but I never looked through it

Jodi - posted on 03/31/2015

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Remove the phones from their possession until they provide you with the password. Why are they dictating the terms to you and not the other way around? Sorry, but having that phone is a privilege, not a right and they shouldn't be treating it like a right. Let them run off to their dad's....without their phones.

Raye - posted on 03/31/2015

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You should talk to their dad and make sure you both are on the same page on this issue. If they can behave responsibly and keep their phone activities age appropriate, then they have no reason to fear you looking at their phones. Let them know you're not going to get all bent out of shape about a little foul language, but there's more dangerous things (like sexting = child porn) that could get you thrown in jail and it's your right as a parent to monitor their activities. If they can't behave appropriately, they lose phone privileges all together.

Cece - posted on 03/31/2015

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Thanks Raye, it's been crazy for me every time I try they grab it away... Then they threathen to run off to their dads home as we are separated.

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