Should i restrict visitation unil dad grows up, and b willing to co parent?

[deleted account] ( 9 moms have responded )

i am a single mother with a 11 mth old...in my case the father pays child support but does nothing else outside of the 300 a mth....i dnt wish to have my son around for the following reasons 1. he disrespects me and puts me down all the time 2. when things dnt go his way he threatens me 3. he puts everything off on his mom she does everything for my son 4. his personality is toxic and i jus simply dnt want that around my son 5. ive asked for diapers and formula and he denies n innocent child the neccessities because he does not like me....at the end of the day its not about me n he finds it hard to seperate us from my son there is no more to tlk about with us the past is the past its about Hayden...o n his family makes it harder for me they dabble and make things worst instead of telling him he is wrong they'lll tell me he is but wont tell him...im 26 he left me for a 19 yr old n married her didnt help me the nor call the whole time i was pregnant n afterward didnt help till i started child support n he i feel only wants to gripe about visitation to mess with me from time to time. its crazy he is looney

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Jodi - posted on 07/27/2012

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Child support has nothing to do with visitation, sorry. And no, $300 a month shouldn't come close to the cost of raising a kid because it is BOTH parent's responsibility to raise the child, not just the father's. It is not HIS responsibility to support you. So he should really only have to contribute half of the cost of raising the child anyway. $300 a month? I am pretty sure that covers diapers and formula. Consider yourself lucky. There are women getting nothing (*puts hand up*) and who still believe their child should have a relationship with both parents regardless.

This isn't about you. I get he doesn't treat you nicely. But your child has a right to get to know him. This has nothing to do with how he treats you. It has everything to do with how he treats his child. Unless he is abusing his child (which wasn't one of the 5 points you mentioned), then you don't have the right to deny your child a relationship with him.

Jodi - posted on 07/27/2012

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Not necessarily. It depends on when and where he is treating mum badly. But mum doesn't have the right to decide when and where dad can see baby just because she feels like she is treated badly. I am pretty sure dad feels that mum is treating him badly too. Believe me, there are 2 sides to every story, and just because she is the mother, doesn't give HER the right to decide that THEIR child can't have visitation with dad. If he takes it to court, believe me, he will get visitation. You want to test it? Deny him visitation and give him the ammunition to file.

Dove - posted on 07/27/2012

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Do you have a court order specifying custody and visitation? If not, get one. Your child has every right to a relationship with his father and it is wrong for you to deny that unless he is in actual danger with his father (and then his father should be allowed supervised visits).

Hello? You get $300/month... what do you think child support is FOR? The diapers and formula that you 'say' he denies his son.

If his personality is toxic.... why did you have a baby with him? What kind of threats does he make towards you? If he is threatening you... call the police and get a record on him. It will make supervised visits more likely to be granted. Though if he doesn't threaten or harm the child... maybe not.

Dove - posted on 07/27/2012

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I haven't received a penny of child support in 4 years, so..... I think I know a little bit about raising a kid without support from the other parent... since I've been doing it since my youngest was a baby.

Just today my son told me that he misses his Daddy. All I could tell him is 'sorry Charlie' cuz not only does my ex not pay child support, but he doesn't even visit his kids most of the time (been over 6 months now). The KIDS suffer without dad. Trust me. I'd never do that to a kid on purpose... unless dad is an actual threat to the child.

Chaya - posted on 07/27/2012

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I wrote my ex a letter stating what he needs to do to be allowed contact with our daughter. I required very fair things, he may not come over unannounced, I need 24 hours notice, given to me, not the child, he may not put the child in the middle of his issues with me, he may not threaten, lie, or otherwise disrespect me, He is not to send the child to grandma, he is to be calm, polite, do not deny the child things he needs, his issue with you has nothing to do with the child, I even went so far at one point that he was not allowed in the home, next time I move, I'm not telling him where I live, if he wants to see the child, we meet at a park, library, etc, he may not be unsupervised around the child.
Make a list of things he may and may not do, if he does them, he will not be allowed to see the child. You could tell him he may not see the child until he grows up.
I hope you have a pastor, rabbil, or pick your adjective, they can help you word it

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Chaya - posted on 07/27/2012

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Actually, if the dad treats the mom badly, the child will be apt to think it's appropriate to treat mom badly as well. I'd still say limit it as much as you reasonably can.

Chaya - posted on 07/27/2012

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I can't speak for Nita, but child support doesn't even come close to covering what it costs to raise a kid. Without it, I'd be getting about $600/month.( I'm disabled, at this point, it's about my recovering from surgeries/broken foot, getting the housing authority to get off their ass and get me into a place. I've been on the list for 12 years and knocked down to the bottom three times because someone sent me the wrong forms yet again, but they didn't bother telling me until after my name had been removed.) Sometimes formula or diapers are necessary. Personally, I'd use cloth, but that's me. There are a lot of things I don't know.
Certianly, if the dad's abusive, report it. You may ask a friend over if there is any possibility that you'd need a witness. If you have a friend who is married to a professional wrestler, you may wish to invite both of them over. I have a friend who is well over 7 feet tall, he'd never hurt anyone, outside of protecting someone else, but I'd invite him over if my husband were being abusive.

[deleted account]

i wish his family felt the same they stress me out jus as much tlkn bout i shouldnt deny my son his father...believe me i dnt at all i want to co parent but it has to b another parent u c.

Wendy - posted on 07/27/2012

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HELL YES restrict it as much as possible and i bet he probably wont even whinge about it you know whats best for your child and clearly it is not him

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