Should I send deadbeat dad an email?

Celina - posted on 03/10/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have no idea where to begin. I will try to make this short and hopefully I can find some good advice. I am a single mother of two (a 10 and 8 year old). Two years ago I decided enough was enough and that I would take the donor of my children to court. I prefer to use the term due to his consistent absence in my children's life since the day they were born. You see, he was rarely in their life; probably saw them once a year but, always made an attempt to harass me for one thing or another. I thought if I took him to court my life would be more at peace and it would have been easier for a third party to tell us what was best for our children. I regret every moment of it! It has been an overwhelming and stressful experience. Until this day we have yet to settle the case due to him continuing with his drama and lies.
He would lie about me saying I was using drugs so, the judge ordered for a drug test which he had to pay for; he then refused. He always was saying I was abusive to my children and when that didn’t work he would lie about something else. He is constantly lying about his employment and stated he cannot afford to pay any child support. Meanwhile, I found out that last year he went to Paris for two weeks with his girlfriend and now he is engaged to her. This is while he is telling not only me but, the court that he was unable to provide any child support. Til this day he hasn’t paid a dime to my children. I currently have two attorneys because he hired attorneys; one for the case itself and the other for the appeal which he filed because he felt the judge was unfair about the back pay and current child support order which is $194 for both children per month. Rather, he is stating he should pay me $3.30 for both children per month. I sure do know how to pick them!
I am extremely frustrated and angry because I feel he is getting away with everything. The cost of my attorney fees has exceeded the back pay for child support so I ask myself, “What’s the whole point?” Why did I deicide to do this?” And just to let you know this isn’t even half of what I have been going through. I want to email him so bad but I am not sure if I should. Apparently, he doesn’t care about his actions and how it affects others. I want for this to end; I want my peace; I want to tell him how much damage he has caused not only me but my children as well. Should I or should I just keep this to myself continue with court and hope for this end one day.

Thank you.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/11/2016

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God, I hate it when women refer to the BIOLOGICAL FATHER of their children as a "donor". YOU WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP with this man. He is NOT a sperm donor. He is a FATHER. REGARDLESS of how often or not he is involved with the kids, he IS their father. The difference? A DONOR has no parental rights. A BIOLOGICAL PARENT can petition, regardless of past 'mistakes' for his rights.

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Sarah - posted on 03/11/2016

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Child support is generally determined from his tax returns, so how is he able to conceal that income? Someday your kids may want a relationship with this man. He may be a dirty dog to you and absent from their lives presently but children are remarkably forgiving and you don't want to poison them against their own father. You did pick him to have not just one but two kid with. Stick with a third party and don't contact him directly. I cannot imagine you would gain anything by doing so

Raye - posted on 03/11/2016

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I was wondering who was going to say something about the father being called a "donor". Shawnn's right. You chose to sleep with this man and create children. I'm sure you're justified to be angry with him. But he is still the father. You have to love your kids more than you hate him, and let the kids have a relationship with their father. Even if it's a fucked up relationship. You just need to do your part in giving them a healthy, stable, loving environment while they are with you. Abide by the court orders once you have them. And let go of the rest that is out of your control.

Raye - posted on 03/11/2016

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If you had taken him to court for custody/visitation and child support when you first ended the relationship, it would have been over a long time ago, and you could have both known where each other stands legally. Now, you have to just get through all of this and get your court orders and then try to move on with your life.

E-mailing him won't help. It won't miraculously make him see the light.
Don't worry about what your ex is doing with his girlfriend. The Paris trip has no bearing on your court case unless you have physical proof of who paid for what. If the court has mandated that he pay support, and he doesn't pay, then you can file contempt of court and have them garnish his wages. If he has filed an appeal, then you have to wait for the results of the appeal.

Dove - posted on 03/10/2016

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Emailing him is not likely to help anything and will likely only cause you more stress and frustration and potential legal issues. If he doesn't care... you aren't going to be able to make him care.

Ev - posted on 03/10/2016

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I do not think it wise to send him a email about this. It is best to go through the courts to deal with this since he seems to be so adamant about fighting this to the bitter end. It would not do you or the kids any good and he could take it to court and say you were harassing him which you do not need. You should find a way to vent with out dealing with him because it will make more problems for the both of you than it will help.

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