Should I sent my kids to met there father
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Jodi - posted on 12/27/2013
Sarah, look at the OP's name. Have some respect! It is highly possible that English isn't even her first language. This is an international site, and English is not a universal language, it is actually not even the most COMMONLY spoken language in the world. Stop pretending the entire world speaks your language and be a little more accepting. It's really rude to make assumptions that others are from the same place as you are.
Ev - posted on 12/28/2013
Okay, question, what about fathers that have girlfriends? What if they go ahead and introduce those girlfriends to your kids? No one has control over what goes on in another household. Unless you can prove this person is a harm or danger to the kids, you have nothing. My ex dated a lot and he would intro my kids to these various ladies that came and went for over a year before he married his second wife. I never met those women. But I could not tell him to keep them away either. Same thing with a new wife. Until they know for sure what is what, she can not deny the father visitation of his kids as long as there is no proof of danger to them. And this is whether she knows the wife or not.
Leela - posted on 12/27/2013
1. I agree with Jodi re: the poster's English. I've seen much worse from other posters. 2. @ CK - what kind of response is that? This is obviously a cause for concern for the poster and instead of having some empathy you post such a crass remark. So much for not being powered by thumps.
Natalie - posted on 12/27/2013
I am a step mom, but I have raised my youngest since she was four months old, so I don't, nor does her biological mother, see myself as anything other than a mother in general. I've seen it away too many time: the mother is so insecure about her own parenting abilities that she doesn't want her child (ren) around the father's new wife/girlfriend. If you are a good mother, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your children rather having this other woman has a mother than you. Have confidence in yourself. If the child has never met his father, I would bring the child to a park to meet not only his dad, but his step mom as well. That will also give you a chance to see how the child interacts with both the dad and step mom. I have an older step daughter,3, whose mother is terrible to me and my husband. She is so self conscience about her parenting that she called the police with COMPLETE lies that I had abused the child. She knew there was no such abuse, but she also knew the child loved me, and she was so afraid that her daughter wouldn't "love" her anymore. She has in return RUINED her daughter. She is so confused, and has horrible stress for a 3 year old. Just have confidence in yourself and your parenting abilities, but most importantly, get to know this woman, and do not ever make up lies about her or the father just so they can't see the child. That only hurts the child.
LalaBoom - posted on 12/27/2013
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that your issue with him having a new wife is only where your kids are concerned. I'm going to assume your mind is running with questions such as, will they be a bother to her and consequently be treated nasty by her? will he ignore them for her? will she try to replace you and purposely overstep her boundaries? will she be creating drama for your kids/yourself? basically, will the kids be safe around her? etc.......
If this is the first time meeting dad, your best bet is to meet their father in a safe environment, and I would gently advocate (via friendly message to your ex) that stepmom being present (I'm a stepmom) is not a good idea and should happen as time progresses. If this isn't the first time, then it would do you good to get to know this woman as she will be spending time around your kids. You set the tone to the kind of relationship you want to have with stepmom, and for the sake of your kids, I suggest you keep them in the forefront.
Ev - posted on 12/27/2013
Rachel, I agree that if the father has done something bad he should not just get to take them but if he has supervised visits then she can not keep them from him because he married someone else. And that is the whole thing here. She put her had a new wife. If the new wife has done nothing to those kids to harm them then why does mom want to keep them from dad. Its not up to her to change the visitation to something else because he has remarried. It is his time and he should be getting them. This is under the assumption that he has not done something or lost the right to visits.
Dove - posted on 12/26/2013
Send them to meet him? As in they don't know him at all? If that is the case, then no way. You meet in public and do supervised visits as they get to know him and move up to the unsupervised visits when they are more comfortable w/ him.
If you mean should you 'allow' continued visitations simply because he has a new wife.... Unless you have solid proof that the woman is a danger to your children... you don't have the right to prevent your children from having a relationship w/ their father for the simple fact that he's moved on.
We really need more information in order to give better input.
Brent - posted on 12/25/2013
People need to move on with their lives. No person should hold a person someplace. However when there is a child involved the Childs habitual residence must be respected above all else. If either parent has been actively involved with a child through his or her life the other without court order should never interfere with the rights of the left behind parent or the Childs for that matter. The parent limiting or fully denying a meaningful relationship should be charged with parental alienation. Today courts and society sadly do not understand the damage this causes to both alienated child and parent.
irregardless if the wronging parent is or was the historical primary care giver it takes two to make a child and two to raise said child. The irrational actions and thoughts of the alienating parent are directly harming the child and which is child abuse.
I welcome any debate to this topic as I can not understand how any human can justify an action and claim best interest of the child without absolute proof that the alienated parent could in anyway be directly harmful to the child. Does not the left behind parent have a equal opportunity to instill values and morals in their child?
Ev - posted on 12/25/2013
1)We know nothing of this woman's story as all we have is a question and the statement he has a new wife.
2)We also do not know if he has been in the lives of his kids or been gone.
3)We do not know if he is a danger to those kids or not.
I am going on the assumption that he has been available to his kids, that he is not a danger to them, and that its like most other families where the women are not sure whether to send kids to be around the new step mother.
I, however, do not advocate children being around the parent that does not have custody as long as it is proven that he or she is a danger or is a flight risk with the children and has either lost visitation rights or has limited or supervised rights.
I have been through divorce and custody battle with my ex. Believe me, we both would have had to have had hard core proof that the other was going to neglect, abuse, or be some danger to the kids we had together. Thank God, we both were nothing like that.
BUt unless this mother puts out the information about the custody and visitation and all, how can you say they should be kept from the dad like that. As I said, we have a question and statment. We do not even know if the step mom is a problem either to the kids.
Ariana - posted on 12/25/2013
Evelyn - If the children have already seen the other parent then yes; if they've never seen them ever, and they suddenly want to, then I say no.
Sorry but I disagree. Obviously you have to obey the courts, but if it's possible I would keep a child away from a dangerous person. It's easy for other people to claim others have no rights in that type of situation when their own child is safe with their spouse or ex.
Ev - posted on 12/25/2013
I can understand what you are saying but Michelle is right. No the mother does not have a right to deny the father rights to his children. Only the courts can do that. As long as he has his visitation set up or something already worked out with mom to get them, then she has no right to keep them from the father. He can and will if he so choose can take her to court for parent alienation. In such cases, depending on how bad it is, the judge might and can change the custody around to the parent being denied the right to see said child/children.
This being said, no man or woman should deny the other parent from seeing the child or children unless it is proven in court that the parent is a harm to the child or even a danger. Not because the mother or father claims that said parent is not good for the kid.
Also, a new wife is no reason to keep the kids from the dad.
Ariana - posted on 12/24/2013
Based on, "he has a new wife" then absolutely you should let them.
To Michelle, I understand that people shouldn't just start refusing rights of fathers to see their children, I was raised by my father, but it is a bold statement to say someone has NO right to deny someone access to children.
If someone is a psychopath they shouldn't be with children. Should someone have slept with said psycho and had a kid with them? No. But we all make stupid mistakes. Does that mean a child should suffer and be forced to visit said psychopath? I don't believe so.
In this case though just because of bitter feelings and him having a new wife that is not a reason to not allow a child to see their father. ESPECIALLY if that father wants to see them and has been involved in their lives so far. That would be disrespectful not just to him, but most of all to your children.
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