Should I tell his mom i'm pregnant?

Kevi - posted on 03/25/2015 ( 18 moms have responded )

8

0

1

Should I (19) tell my ex's mother that i am getting ready to have her son's (20) baby in a few weeks because he has been too afraid to tell her. Or just let them get a letter from child support because I cant financially support our child alone. I really do want my ex and his family to be a part of our child's life. I don't want him growing up wondering whom the other side of his family are. I've been through it and it sucks. If i should tell her then, what do i say; I dont wanna sound like a random girl trying to mess up her son's "innocent" life. 9 months of silence and under a rock is enough!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kevi - posted on 03/31/2015

8

0

1

Yes he continues saying that I'm lying and I found out today that he has a new girlfriend. All I could do was shake my head but soon I'll be informing his mother, hopefully she's a nice lady...and he does stay with them so yeah I agree that I'll be receiving much from him . Thank you for the advice.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/26/2015

21,273

9

3058

I would reach out to him one more time, and let him know that if he does not tell his parents they have a grandchild on the way, that you will do it. I don't think it is fair that they will not know. For better or for worse, they have every right. This is their blood. They may not want anything to do with you and they baby, or they may want to be a part of your life with their grandchild. They should have the choice.

Jodi - posted on 03/25/2015

3,533

36

3906

I agree with those saying it isn't really your place to tell them, it is his.

What you need to do is talk to him and explain to him that you want he and his family to be part of your child's life and encourage him to talk to them. Ask him how he thinks they would feel if they found out via someone else and not him after the baby was already born!! I think they'd be FAR more disappointed in him for not sharing this with them than if he does.

Just for the record, CS does NOT notify his parents, as it has nothing to do with them, so I'm not sure where you are getting the idea that they will notify them.

Raye - posted on 03/25/2015

3,761

0

21

Miss, I never said to keep it from them. I just don't know that it's her place to inform them. She and their son are no longer together, and I feel it's their son's place/decision to inform his parents. If she's just trying to get money from the family, that's not the best approach. If she wants them to participate in the child's life as active grandparents, then maybe yes she should tell them and come from that approach of wanting their love, not their money.

18 Comments

View replies by

Sarah - posted on 03/28/2015

8,728

0

21

He's known the whole time and has not told his parents he is about to be a father. The grandparents will find out one way or another. You could tell them, he could tell them, they could find out if he lives with them and suddenly starts getting mail from DHS, or a stranger tell them.
While I think he SHOULD tell his parents, if he won't, then you do it- before the baby arrives. Assure them that you are confident of paternity but will do a DNA test upon the baby's arrival. Offer for them to be involved in their grandchild's life regardless of whether he wants to parent or not. File for child support, but if he lives at home and does not make much, you are not going to get much money from him. You can apply for WIC, food stamps, housing assistance and welfare until you get yourself on your feet. Go to the Dept. of Human Services and explain your situation and apply for all the assistance you qualify for presently. Are your parents supportive? Raising a newborn is exhausting and expensive and you will want all of the help and support you can get. If the paternal grandparents are willing to help you care for the baby, then let them. Hopefully he will get on board and step up and be a father.

Deanna - posted on 03/27/2015

14

0

2

I personally think 9 months should be plenty of time for him to tell his parents so if I were you I would notify them. Then let it be their decision if they want to be in your and your child's life. Get a DNA test to prove its his. And if none of them want to be in your life then definitely push child support. I wish you the best of luck!

Raye - posted on 03/26/2015

3,761

0

21

Child support does help financially, but neither it nor the courts will take care of everything. You need to research more online about going to court, getting custody, visitation, and child support (which will require a DNA test to prove it's his). You should learn all you can about how to care for a newborn. Do you have help from your parents/family?

Kevi - posted on 03/26/2015

8

0

1

I'm a teen single mother now . There's a lot of things I've ran into I've never heard about really. Don't know anything about child support but that it helps financially and they'll take care of everything. I apologize for my lack of knowledge about it but I've tried to talk to him the day I found out I was pregnant . He begged me to get a miscarriage or somehow make myself have a miscarriage and drove me into deep depression where I gave up on life and school . I've gotten everyone to talk to him but he says it's not his and I've only been with him or he'll tell my friends I'm not pregnant and it's all a lie cause I'm trying to keep him but I don't want him. I pray and pray that he mans up but no he goes a finds a new gf . He's blocked me everywhere and the baby is due quite soon.

Gena - posted on 03/26/2015

303

1

655

Well i think it is his job to tell his parents. But if he can't act like a man and tell them,I think it would be good if you would let them know they have a grandchild on the way. Maybe first talk to him and tell him if he doesn't let them know you will. Give him the chance to tell his parents. If he doesn't take that chance you should tell them before the baby is born. I would want to know if I was going to be a grandma and tbh I would be sad if neither my son or his partner would tell me.

Kevi - posted on 03/25/2015

8

0

1

Well I don't want their money like that I just really want them to know. It's kind of like a huge weight on my shoulders because his parents doesn't know and he won't tell them. So I've been afraid to tell her so I thought I would let CS notify them. But again I don't feel that would be right so I joined this site for help.

Kevi - posted on 03/25/2015

8

0

1

Well my second main reason I want to tell her is : I want my child to know the other side of his family , his fathers background. But thank you for replying to my post

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/25/2015

21,273

9

3058

I disagree. I very much feel it is her place also. BUT, she should only be seeking child support from the father.

If my child got a girl pregnant, and was to scared to tell me, I would HOPE she would. That would be my grandchild. I would want to know this child, and help out. Build a relationship. If my son was such a dickhead, that is his problem. I would not raise him to be this way. No mother should or would I would hope.

If her sole reason is for money, yeah I still think she should talk to them.....but change the reasons she would want them involved.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/25/2015

13,213

21

2014

I agree that it's the boy's place to man up and accept responsibility, but I don't see any problem with notifying them that they have a potential grandchild on the way.

If they take it further (into the support conversation), assure them that you will make sure paternity is proven prior to requesting support, but that you would hope that their son would step up. I most definitely not bring up support to them, because it's not their responsibility. (edited for content that was lacking)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/25/2015

21,273

9

3058

Actually, I disagree. These are your childs grandparents. They have every right to know about this child. I have no idea what would be the appropriate way to handle it. Maybe ask your parents how they would like to hear about it if the situation was reversed. They could give you invaluable insight about how to handle this properly. Good luck love.

Raye - posted on 03/25/2015

3,761

0

21

If he's 20 why would his parents be involved in the child support? If he lives at home, the letter should still be addressed to him. And if they open his mail, that's a federal offence. So, I would just leave it alone, and let him deal with his parents.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms