should i tell my child about his bio father

Jenny - posted on 11/26/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hi moms ..please help . My husband passed out before 5 years from cancer. My son now is 12 years old ..hes thinking that his dad is dead. But the truth is that his bio dad is alive and he visits us everyday to see if we need something .my son knows that he is his moms friend and he loves him thinking that he is a friend of mine . His bio dad is married and he is with his family ...im feeling sick of this situation . Should i tell him that ur father is not dead. He is alive and the man that he is cariing for us he is ur dad and not a friend. By the way .. his bio dad is married and he has 3 kids he is with his family he comes visit us everyday but at the end of the day he is with his wife and children and im struggling alone.should i tell my child ?? What should i do ? Is now better than after?

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Gena - posted on 11/27/2014

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I think you should tell him now. Its better that he nows the truth. I think you should tell his father first that you are going to tell your son,so that he is prepared aswell.

Mommabird - posted on 11/26/2014

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Btw, Im not at all saying it is HIS decision. Youre the one raising your son not him. I guess what I mean to say is if you decide to tell your son you are going to need the father's cooperation. I may agree with the other posts about not lying to your son...but I also dont think its relevant what any of us think. Its absolutely your decision. Take our advice and opinions with a grain of salt if you like. You are his Mom, What do YOU think is best for him? Do that.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/26/2014

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I personally would tell him. It is going to come out eventually, and better sooner than later or trying to hide it forever. He has brothers and sisters that I am sure he would like to get to know. I think it is in bad taste when parents lie to their kids about who their bio parents are. Nothing you can do about that now, but you can fix it....with the truth. It is going to be hard for him. He is going to ask a lot of questions. He has a right to know his bio father.

Dove - posted on 11/26/2014

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12 years ago would have been better. You absolutely should NOT be lying to your son about his father... but I would seek professional counsel on how best to tell him at this point (perhaps telling him IN counseling) w/ the least amount of emotional trauma.

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Mommabird - posted on 11/26/2014

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Then I hate to say it but if he doesnt want to be "dad" and he likes the relationship they have now, you have to respect that. May not be fair to an extent....but what is fair?
Also If he's visiting as a friend then I assume his wife is ok with that.

Jenny - posted on 11/26/2014

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I dont know . Never talked about this.i think he prefers not because he has his own family

Jenny - posted on 11/26/2014

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Thank u charlotte for ur reply. My husband pass away 5 years ago . I dont know what to do :(

Mommabird - posted on 11/26/2014

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Im sorry for your loss.
So your son was raised by you and your late husband and never had a father son relationship with his biological father. How long ago did your husband pass away? 5 years ago, or did he have cancer for 5 years...not clear on that part. If he passed away recently then your son is probably still grieving and it probably isnt the best time to throw that kind of news on him, especially with him being 12. But i think this is a decision only you and his biological father can make. There is no right or wrong time. He could be upset if you dont tell him and he finds out from someone else, or he could be upset that you waited 12 years to tell him. You never know. If you both agree to tell or not tell him its your decision.
Hope all goes well though :)

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