Should I tell the bio dad about his daughter and should I tell my daughter?

MaryLou - posted on 04/29/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




When I was in college, I became pregnant. There was a one night stand (with protection) with a male roommate while I was in a relationship with my future husband. When I discovered I was pregnant, both my future husband and I assumed it was his. I told him about the one night stand and we both moved past it and got married. 5 years later we divorced and during the course of the divorce he ordered a paternity test on our two children (without me knowing). The result was that our oldest daughter was not his. Since this came to light during court, the judge made rulings that the daughter not be told and that the subject be sealed in courts. Due to the nasty nature of the divorce, we started taking our daughter to a therapist. The therapist says that we should tell our daughter that she has a biological father (who, according to facebook, has another 13 year old daughter) around age 8 so that it can become part of her identity and not be a traumatic experience learning about it later. I am at odds with her adopted father and the courts because I feel she should know since she is getting so close to 8 years old. I dont want to tell her everything, just naturally start a discussion about family and what it means to different people. I am also struggling with telling the biological father that he has a daughter with me. What do you think I should do?


Dove - posted on 04/29/2015




Why would the court forbid you from telling your daughter the truth about her paternity? What are the legal consequences if you violate that? If the therapist says she should know... is the therapist willing to testify in court about it?

I 100% think your daughter and her bio father both have a right to the truth, but I would not be in any hurry to violate a court order that could risk me losing my child over it.


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