Should I tell the guys parents Im expecting their grandchild 9 weeks

Kylie - posted on 11/18/2015 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I am currently almost 32 weeks pregnant. I found out at about 4 weeks and immediately told the guy. He has known the whole time. We never really dated but, we were friends. He made it very clear that he didn't want me to keep our child but, i decided i was old enough to take responsibility for her even if he didn't want to. I gave him the option to walk away and he said no, he wouldn't do that.
He has not made anything easy about this situation. He is 25 has a big boy job as a cop in our county none the less. He only came to one ultrasound never texts or asks how we are doing. He has come over twice to talk but, is only ever concerned on not paying me child support and demanding he now wants 50/50 of our daughter. I have no intention on keeping his daughter from him, I would like him and his family involved, our daughter deserves that!
My issue is, he is not ever around or cares how we are doing or if he can do anything. He found out when i was 4 weeks. He then 3 months later went out and got a girlfriend and didnt tell her he had a child on the way. She found out through mutual friends 3 months into their relationship that i was pregnant. He also has not yet told his family. This will be the first grandchild on their side and I have asked him to tell them multiple times, even postponed announcing i was pregnant because he said he was planning on telling them and asked me to wait another week...and I did. Shockingly he never did tell them. Now im expecting in a couple months and I don't feel its right that his family doesn't know and doesn't have the option of deciding if they want to be around for their grandchild or not.
I do want them to know. I don't need their money, i have a very supportive family and help when i need it. I just don't think its right for them to not know. Any suggestions?

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/18/2015

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Give him one last chance, then tell them. You DO need his money for your child. Definitely he needs to support his child whether you need it or not. If you don't need it, then open a savings account in your childs name. Do not turn away money they he should be paying when the baby is born. Definitely set up a LEGAL custody agreement with lawyers and all.

Sarah - posted on 11/18/2015

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I agree with giving him one last chance. Tell him that in 48 hours you will be telling his parents. Then follow through and tell them. Tell them you will be listing him as the father on the BC. Offer to let them be a apart of their grandchild's life. If he wants to be a no-show, then you can't force him to participate in your child's life. You can, and absolutely should file for support. Even if you don't need the money, you can put it away for the baby. Also, he probably has good health benefits etc as a police officer and your baby is entitled to share in those benefits. As you have read over and over, make sure you don't just agree to an arrangement regarding custody and support. You can work it out with him privately, but get a judge to sign a document making it a legal binding agreement.

Ev - posted on 11/18/2015

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I have to agree with Little Miss though since you have a couple months out from the baby being born I would go ahead and announce it though I am sure that those around your community have noted you are expecting whether they know who is the father or not. I would tell his parents. They had a right to know a long time ago. Why wait until he decided to say to wait another week. You could have told them a long time ago.

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Raye - posted on 11/19/2015

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Maria, Please remove your e-mail address from your post. This is a public forum, and any wacko could get your information and begin harassing you.

Maria - posted on 11/19/2015

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I think it's ok to tell them. You already gave him the time to do it. And he is doesn't do it. Well fuck it dude tell them they have the right to know they have a grandkid on the way and that baby has the right to know who his family is. Good luck girl u hope everything goes fine and congrats babies are a blessing no matter what. I admire you for taking responsibility of your actions. You have a friend here if you need. Gema9809@gmail.com

Kylie - posted on 11/19/2015

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Yeah and see that worries me. I make more than him but, I also have a lot more bills and expenses than him. I own my own house and car and pay for my stuff on my own. He doesn't, his parents still pay for basically everything. I cannot afford to pay him any money. Im nervous since i make more than him they are going to make me pay him money which i cannot do.

Michelle - posted on 11/18/2015

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Where I live, even if there is 50/50 care child support can still be paid. They take into account the income of both parents and work out what each parent should pay. The parent with the higher amount pays the other the difference. So like you pay child support to each other.

Raye - posted on 11/18/2015

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Having 50/50 custody does not necessarily mean that he's off the hook for support. It will be determined based on what his income is versus yours and how much time is to be spent with each parent. It is the child's right to have financial support from the father. He should know, that with any custody agreement or visitation, (whether or not he pays support) he still must pay for all daily expenses for that child while in his care. So, clothes, diapers, food, toys, increased electric and water, furniture, medical bills, etc. is still required of him to pay while the child is with him, not to mention all the extra time and attention the child needs. So, having custody only for the purpose of not paying support is stupid. He's responsible for his share either way.

Kylie - posted on 11/18/2015

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Thank you guys for the feedback. I think the best thing is to tell them and its what i felt I should do from the begging. I will definitely give him one more chance and tell them he needs to tell them or I will. If he doesn't then I guess i figure out the best way to go about that.
Child support and all that jazz will be the next issue I'm sure! i think that's why he is saying he wants 50/50 cause he thinks if he has it he doesn't have to pay child support. Which frustrates me cause it would mean he doesn't want his daughter cause he loves her...its only to again benefit him. So sad...because i love her already.
Thank you so much for the input!

Ev - posted on 11/18/2015

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You are seven months along. How much longer is he going to make them wait? Besides if the entire community or most of it knows, I am willing to be his parents know you are expecting if not who the father is and they could know who the father is and are waiting for him to come forward. That just shows me what type of person he is being.

Kylie - posted on 11/18/2015

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I I did announce it a week later. Before i announced it I asked him if i could since he was supposed to tell his family and he said "go ahead i didnt tell them though". So at this point everyone in our community knows I am pregnant and that it is his but, he has basically asked everyone to lie and not tell his parents. So now their best friends know, his gf and her family knows...EVERYONE knows except his family and i just feel it is so sad.
But, I have people telling me its not my place to tell them its his so, I'm just confused.

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