CC - posted on 07/02/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )
I'm a single mum in my late 20's with a 7 year old child. My ex partner is a bully who has a lot of control on my life and is very good at manipulating people.
Our child has no stable routine due to being moved back and forth. I work night shifts doing over 40 hours a week as I am the one who seems to be financially responsible for the child, he pays money through CSA but refuses to pay for anything else i.e. school uniforms, activities, items needed for school, holidays, holiday clubs etc
Our child's behaviour is starting to change, she has these angry outbursts, she has hit me on several occasions, now tells a lot of lies, will not speak to me about how she feels, has been getting told off at school and this last week I was stopped by the teacher who expressed some concern and said she has been looking very sad this past week and seems to be acting up which is not her normal behaviour especially at school.
When I try to discuss these issues with the father he never addresses the issue instead he makes it about me, starts making false accusations and always trying to paint a bad picture of me bearing in mind I am the one who supports her financially, encourages her to do well in school, supports her in whatever she does, always try to do my best to show her that she is loved and well cared for. She is my number 1 priority I do not have a social life any free time I have away from my daughter is spent working I can not have a relationship as money spent on relationships needs to go to my daughter.
Its so difficult to speak to him so we can try and see what we can do to help our daughter, the more I try to be civil towards him the more he bullies me and sees me as a weak person.
Co-peranting with an abuser is so difficult Im tired of feeling depressed, stressed, bullied and constantly being made to feel and look like a bad person. All I am trying to do is give the child a normal stable life. I feel sorry for her you can tell this is a lot for a child to handle, I have made an appointment with a child psychologist to see if the she will open up and say whats on her mind.
I feel powerless and Im now at the point were I feel like walking away as this cant be healthy for a child or for myself. I can't walk away with the child as I will be accused of stopping contact and going back to court may result in her being made to live with the father and I will only have visits every other weekend.
I need advise on whether I should give up on my daughter so she can have some stability even though this means everything I have sacrificed to give her will stop as the father will not make the same sacrifices and doesn't seem to have much interest in her education either.
There is no one to turn to as there is a court order in place and approaching any professionals to express what I think is best for the child after seeing how things have got worse since the order started in 2014 may result in me being accused of making things up to try and stop contact. I am really tired and emotionally drained, Im sure this is not what being a parent is about, I can't see things getting any better.
I have tried contacting DV helplines but as it is all emotional abuse its difficult to prove, I feel empty inside and I can't imagine going another year like this. I don't feel suicidal at all I just need to freed from this pain and I don't want to leave my child behind being raised by this monster but I don't know how I can fight this and show the professionals how all of this is affecting the child.
Please if anyone can HELP....
Im not saying contact with her father should be stopped but our child needs stability.