Should my partner pay for half of childcare?

Nellie - posted on 08/11/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

28

0

2

Before I get started I want to put this out there: my partner and I are in a same-sex relationship. I am NOT looking for discrimination or bible quotes or anything of that sort.

So me and my partner dated for almost two years back in high school and things were pretty serious. But then things went downhill and we broke up. After we broke up I basically tried to force myself to be straight and ended up getting knocked up. Anyways I had my daughter and my partner and I recently got back together. I warned my partner right from the beginning the day my daughter, Kayla, calls her "mom" is the day that the relationship is more serious then popping a ring on her finger. And she is an amazing mom, buys Kayla lots of clothes and toys. But the problem now is that I'm going back to college so that I can get a great paying job to support my family, but my partner doesn't think that she should have to pay for childcare. Am I out of line and expecting too much of her?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dove - posted on 08/11/2012

11,760

0

1349

I don't think that you are out of line for expecting that. Partners are partners and they help each other out whatever the need is. By helping to pay for childcare now, she would be helping the financial future. If she can't see that then maybe she isn't as committed as you think she is...

Bottom line though. The two of you need to figure out how this relationship works and if it doesn't... well, that's something you need to figure out too. Hopefully you can come to some sort of arrangement that works for everyone involved.

5 Comments

View replies by

Chaya - posted on 08/11/2012

737

0

229

I'd suggest that she's not the dad she shouldn't have to, why isn't dad doing it?
I'd likely change my answer if you've been together since the child was very young.
One possible solution would be going to school opposite hours of a mom friend and bartering for daycare.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/11/2012

21,273

9

3058

WOWZA! So if she married a man (because we all know many states will not perform same sex marriages) and he was the stepfather, would you expect him to help pay? I do agree with getting child support from the bio dad though.

Michelle - posted on 08/11/2012

2,191

23

1087

Are you not getting child support for this child as it did take two of you to make this child, go after the father for support even if he only pays enough to pay the child care it is something. No I don't think your partner should have to solely pay for child care so that you can go back to school work the price of childcare into your student loan as that is what you would have had to do if she was not in the picture.Your daughter is your responsibility until such time as your partner decides to make a real commitment to the two of you as a family she doesn't sound like she is there yet.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/11/2012

21,273

9

3058

If you are a partner in a relationship both raising the child as a family, yes I believe financial responsibility is on the both of you. Sexual orientation is not a factor. If she wants to say she is also mom, then she is taking on a parental role emotionally, and financially.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms