Should we invite daughters boyfriend to stay over Christmas?

Deborah - posted on 11/26/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Our 17 year old daughter (18 in Dec) tells us her boyfriend who live several miles away is alone at christmas & has no family.
( He is not on good terms with them)

I want to invite him to spend Christmas with us but my husband is reluctant. Infact it's a downright 'No'! I feel so bad about this as he is only 18 and on meeting him a very pleasant young man who although having to fend for himself since 16 has got a place at university. I am a believer that no one should be alone at Christmas even worse an 18 year old! Any thoughts? Xx

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Brittany - posted on 11/28/2015

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I can understand that your husband is putting his guard up because another guy is trying to get close to "daddy's little girl" ( which is sweet & he should feel that way ) But your daughter is 18 years old, she is basically an adult & she is going to start making her own decisions. Something as small as this could push her away and drive her into this guys arms, which won't be in your home unless you & your husband allow him to be there. I think he should give the guy a chance, you never know he could be your future son in law ;) Have him supervise the whole time & make him sleep on separate parts of the house if it makes dad feel better, but the girl deserves to have a little company & you would so much rather it be under your roof where she is safe than anywhere else. Good Luck! :)

Sophia - posted on 11/26/2015

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Yes, you should invite him.
It would be important to know about the relationship that your child has with this young man. It's horrible that he has to spend the Christmas alone! :( It's not only horrible to know that a young person is spending Christmas alone without a family, but it is also important for you and your husband to meet him - get to know him, etc.

Deborah - posted on 11/26/2015

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Thank you Evelyn for sharing your story. I think there are some troubles in the boyfriends background and Id hope he didn't take that route. I believe his mother, after a messy break up from his alleged alcoholic father took up with a new man who has encouraged her to break totally from her past including her children. This to me is very upsetting and I cannot bear to think how lonely & difficult it must be looking out for yourself totally at such a young age. My husband just seems incredibly emotionally detached and cannot understand my thinking.
I hope your daughters ex is ok but I think what you worked out in such a similar dilemma as ours was wonderful. I hope we can reach a compromise .....somehow! Thank you x

Ev - posted on 11/26/2015

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When my daughter was in her last two years of high school she began dating this guy who came from a family that the BF as not on good terms with. He wanted to come for Christmas and spend it with us because he never had a good one in his parents' home. They did a lot of drugs, there was abuse of family members and other things this young man was so hard trying to get out of. At first I was not sure how we would do it as he lived 50 miles away one direction from me. So it was suggested he come stay a couple days for Christmas. We did work it out that my daughter would stay with her grandparents and he would stay at the house with me and my son. And that was what we did. He was such a pleasant young man and had so much potential to do what he wanted to get out of his family home and become so much more. I was glad to do that for him. It was not long after that they would graduate school and move on with college and so on. But because of the influences at home he fell under the same things his father and brothers did. I do not know where he is today, but I do hope he is doing much better. My daughter broke up with him during freshman year in college during Thanksgiving week. He had changed so much. But it can work if you can figure it out.

Deborah - posted on 11/26/2015

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Hi Jodie,
I have no idea. I think he feels Christmas is a very special time for families but it saddens me that he feels it acceptable for an 18 year old boy to be alone! I fully appreciate his concerns in that we have only met him once so there is the safety of our family to consider when inviting someone we do not know that well into our home ... but when would we ever get to know him is my question. Also, I would prefer my daughter to be near us than choosing to be elsewhere because we couldn't / wouldn't accommodate him!
Thank you for your response.... It has given me a little more confidence to try and persuade Mr Grumpy! Xx

Jodi - posted on 11/26/2015

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I am not seeing the issue of him being there at Christmas. My son has a girlfriend, and I know he will want her included in our Christmas plans. It's not an unreasonable expectation.

Why is your husband against it?

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