Should we redshirt for Kindergarten?

Lea - posted on 05/19/2017 ( 3 moms have responded )

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DS turns 5 on August 5th and the cutoff in our area is September 1st. He should be starting Kindergarten in the fall, but his preschool teachers have been advising me to wait a year. Even though we can financially afford another year of pre-school, I really want to send him on time.

For me, it's long-term, not short-term. Redshirting means that he'll still be in high school when he's 18, and might feel like he won't have to listen to teachers and leave school whenever he wants as he'll be an adult. It also means that he'll start his career a year later than most people. Yes, I know some people are going to talk about Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers, but as a parent, I feel like it's my duty to teach DS that he doesn't need trophies or to always be the best in order to be happy.

I also want him to fit in and not feel out of place. I can only imagine how awkward it would feel for him to be 6, while some of his classmates are still 4, 7 while some of his classmates are still 5, etc. His classmates might think there's something wrong with him if he was a year older than them, and I'd hate for him to have a bad reputation for something that was not his decision, but ours. Also, if I redshirt, other parents might think I'm trying to game the system and get DS an unfair advantage, and I don't want to be viewed as a cheater. On top of that, DS might feel insulted and think that we don't have enough confidence in him to do things on schedule.

Also, I strongly believe that the cutoff dates are there for a reason. If kids born in August kids truly weren't ready to start Kindergarten at 5, the cutoff would be earlier. The people laying down the cutoffs have done thorough studies to figure out when kids should start Kindergarten. They know what they're talking about and I feel like it would be arrogant to act as if I knew better.

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Ev - posted on 05/19/2017

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~~~DS turns 5 on August 5th and the cutoff in our area is September 1st. He should be starting Kindergarten in the fall, but his preschool teachers have been advising me to wait a year. Even though we can financially afford another year of pre-school, I really want to send him on time.~~~
*****What are the reasons they have suggested he wait another year? Is he considered not mature enough to go on yet? Sometimes when they turn five that close to Kindergarten, they are not really mature enough to handle things at school yet.

~~~For me, it's long-term, not short-term. Redshirting means that he'll still be in high school when he's 18, and might feel like he won't have to listen to teachers and leave school whenever he wants as he'll be an adult. It also means that he'll start his career a year later than most people. Yes, I know some people are going to talk about Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers, but as a parent, I feel like it's my duty to teach DS that he doesn't need trophies or to always be the best in order to be happy.~~~
*****While it is termed as red-shirting, it is just another term for being held back. Yes, he will still be 18 when he gets into his senior year and will be an adult, but if you raise him right he will understand that he has to finish school, mind the rules, and so forth while living in your home. He won't be able to just do as he wants in school. They have rules for all students no matter their ages and there are plenty of kids who turn 18 before they get out of their senior year. That does not mean there are a bunch of kids running around doing as they see fit either because they are legal adults. If you raise him right he will do the right things.

~~~I also want him to fit in and not feel out of place. I can only imagine how awkward it would feel for him to be 6, while some of his classmates are still 4, 7 while some of his classmates are still 5, etc. His classmates might think there's something wrong with him if he was a year older than them, and I'd hate for him to have a bad reputation for something that was not his decision, but ours~~~
*****I hate to burst this bubble you have of thinking he is going to be out of place for being older than his classmates because he won't be the only child that will be older than the others. He is not going to know the difference and I doubt the other kids will either. I think it is you that knows the difference because you can see it as an adult. If you do not dwell on this issue he won't be bothered either. And that is the bulk of your issue. He won't get no reputation for something that he did not decide on because there is nothing here to worry about. I was 17 years old when I graduated high school. I was five years old in July before I started Kindergarten. Both my kids were 5.5 years old because the had been born in January and March. So they had to wait regardless. Not that we kept them back. Their cousin who is just 14 months younger than my oldest was kept back by his parents a year because they felt he was not ready at 5 to go. He never had a complex over it either.

If you keep fussing over the age thing, your son will pick up on it and get a complex as well. If you do not fuss over it he won't know the difference....and more times than not a lot of the kids in his classes will be older too even than he is.

~~~. Also, if I redshirt, other parents might think I'm trying to game the system and get DS an unfair advantage, and I don't want to be viewed as a cheater. On top of that, DS might feel insulted and think that we don't have enough confidence in him to do things on schedule.~~~
*****I hate to burst this bubble as well---lots of kids get held back and do not get into kindergarten until age 6. YOUR CHILD is not the first or last to have this happen to. NONE Of the parents are going to view this as an advantage over their kids and think you guys are cheating. It might be an advantage to your son to have another year of preschool to help him learn to cope with the things his teachers think need work but not to be more of an advantage over the others. AND YOUR SON will feel insulted because YOU KEEP worrying over this....

~~Also, I strongly believe that the cutoff dates are there for a reason. If kids born in August kids truly weren't ready to start Kindergarten at 5, the cutoff would be earlier.~~~
*****The cut off dates are set up by districts or states and their laws about when kids are to start school. Kids that just turn 5 right before the cut off or close to it are not any more mature than their peers but still not be considered ready to go to regular school.

~~~ The people laying down the cutoffs have done thorough studies to figure out when kids should start Kindergarten. They know what they're talking about and I feel like it would be arrogant to act as if I knew better.~~~
*****The people that decide the cut off dates for allowing kids to start school may also be doing this for other reasons. It depends on where you live. But where I live kids have been held back by parents until even 7 to start school. I think that is pushing it but the law allows it. But there is more to it than studies and such to determine if kids are ready for school or not.

Once more, your child is not the first or last to be held back or suggested to be held back. Your child is not going to feel out of place unless you keep on fussing on the whole issue and won't notice if he is 6 months older than a lot of his classmates. It happens. Kids are not going to be perfectly aged anyhow to go to school....It is not set in stone he has to be 5 to be in Kindergarten, 6 to be in first, 7 to be in second and so forth. YOU do not consider the kids that are born in the winter and spring that could start at the age of four but have to wait because of cut off dates such as my two had to. Both were 18 long before graduation and they lived at home, went to school and followed the house rules even getting grounded if they broke the rules. And their peers were also 18 before graduation and those kids also stayed home and went to school and did not do anything on their own until they got out of the house. Just because they are 18 before graduation and legal adults means that they will do as they want to....the parenting is what makes the whole thing come together.

Michelle - posted on 05/19/2017

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How about you stop worrying about all of the things you wrote here and just ask yourself if he is ready.
Does he listen to others, would he be able to sit in a classroom environment for a day?
Has he started to learn how to write, colour in, and recognize letters?
These are the things that will tell you if he's ready to go or not. Stop thinking how others are going judge YOU, it's not about that at all.

Where I lived, they changed the intake age after my oldest son was born. He had to wait an extra year and he shouldn't have had to. He will be 18 in his last year of school but I don't see that being a problem as I have raised him to be respectful. The only problem is he will legally be able to go out and drink.

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