should you get a divorce if your husband is caught cheating

Shannon - posted on 04/14/2012 ( 49 moms have responded )

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ive been married for 6yrs and caught my husband cheating on meshould i get a divorce or let him keep on doing it

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[deleted account]

Here are some concerns to consider:



1. Is this a 1-time cheat or a long-term affair?



2. Is this with 1 partner or multiple partners?



3. WHY did husband cheat? Lack of sex at home? Bored of marriage?



4. Is your husband remorseful? Or non-chalant about the ordeal?



5. Do YOU want to salvage your marriage? does HE want to salvage your marriage?



6. Are you BOTH willing to see a marriage counselor and/or clergy person for some very much needed marital counseling?



A spouse just does not wake up one day and ay ," Oh I think I'm going to wreck my marriage vows." There was some reason, some event, some cause as to why that spouse (doesnt matter man or woman) makes a conscious decision to cheat. It's all about moving forward from the hurt.



Some couples can move past infidelity. It strengthens the couple after seeking proper counseling so that they can improve the damage.



Other couples cannot repair the damage after infidelity. It all depends on how much you wre willing to fight for your marriage, and how willing he is.



For me, I would be willing ot fight for my marriage. It would be another obstacle to overcome and I would fight. I wouldn't be so quick to give up.



All the best to you.

Danielle - posted on 04/14/2012

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I wouldn't let him keep doing it!!



If you want to try working on the relationship, then I would reccomend counseling, and obviously talking with your husband about the affair. Let him know you know, and if he doesn't stop then he can leave.



I wouldn't ever let myself be second rate citizen in my husbands life. If he doesn't stop, then do yourself a favor and cut your losses. Keep your love for someone who will appreciate it.

KATHERINE - posted on 08/24/2012

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Yes, a divorce is the best thing, it is never going to change in the relationship cause there's no trust ever believe me. I have been through the ringer with all the cheating and it doesn't pay at the end. He will do it again and again. It seems no one wants a serious marriage these days. I have seen this time and time again. It hurts but you will move on and take it easy.

User - posted on 06/27/2013

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In about two weeks ill be married for a year and i just found out my husband cheated on me with my SISTER, he swears he won't do it again advise please

Yolie - posted on 04/18/2012

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If your husband cheated on you...it is a HUGE sign that the relationship is broken. Being divorced myself I cannot tell you whether divorce is the right step for you...but I can tell you that a separation should take place. After a wound that big you need time to heal, you both need to take time to step away...you would need tons of TLC...and he would need time to figure out if his family have higher priority than why he cheated (of course they do, but he needs to figure it out for himself). If after a separation you heal and he heals and the relationship improves and you both want to give it a try again...you might want to try a second chance...if not...and you both decided to make the separation permanent...that's when you would take further steps. In any case it is a very difficult decision which you will need to take, so I recommend you ponder after giving yourself some well deserved TLC (i.e. go to the spa, visit with girlfriends, etc). Good luck!!!

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/27/2013

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Dump him Samantha, yes he will. Also your sister is an asshole....I would be dumping her too.

Julie - posted on 06/09/2013

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Can you tell me what you have decided to do? I caught my husband cheating last July. She is married, a mother of 3 and an old girlfriend from 25 years ago. Turns out her husband cheated on her years ago, and she cheated on him in about 2010 or so. then again last year with my husband. her husband moved out and has a girlfriend(neither one of them respect their vows!!). My husband moved back with his elderly parents. he
is 49, we have no kids. He's not admitted to her, but I know they have gone on vacations together....People I know have seen them out together. I have been begging him to come home since he has left. I did file from pressure from my family. We were married 6 years last year, and family said it it goes into a 7 year marriage its no longer considered SHORT TERM and financially that could be bad for me. So I served him in December and I am in such denial over it all. I miss him terribly. He blames me for everything. We've done the marriage counseling, over the years. He's been verbally and emotionally abusive to me. BUT------YES, I WOULD take him back if he truly apologized. I do think i could forgive him. I Do Not want to go through with the D. Ive lost all my self esteem and i know my self respect by begging him back , but I obsess over him and her. I cant believe he wants to be with a tramp like her!! I used to Love to bake/cook/garden/run......all that has gone out the window. Im hardly exercising(initially lost a lot of weight last summer and hair), now eating crap. Im to the point I hate my life.
Shannon please let me know what you did.

Stephanie - posted on 08/30/2012

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What I will say is, I've been threw it. I found, if he/she is worth loving, he/she is worth fighting for. (NOT IN THE SENSE OF PHYSICALLY FIGHTING FOR HIM OR HER) but standing knowing that what God has honored, let NO MAN/WOMAN put asunder. Whether we are christian or not, God honors marriage all together. There must be a strong voice that will stand firm and declare, this is my beloved SPOUSE and I will in no wise give him/her over unto the undeserving party. Sorrow and hurt is indescribable in such instances. But one thing I know, when one stands their ground, victory is gained over the "sicking" opposition. Love is sometime found to be strange and that which makes "no" sense at times. Who has ever had the "perfect marriage" where everything went as planned? Somewhere down the road, we all have hit bumps in the road. Is this fair???I think not! Did we receive in our vowels, that every day would bring a day of sunshine? Well not in mines. I have experienced the good with the bad. At times, the very bad. But all in all, I loved him and I did not give up on him. This was back in the 80's. Almost thirty years later, we are happily married, in ministry helping those that feel life is over, it's noway to make it. Had I gave up, considering how bad he did me and our children, I don't know where we would be today, You woman of destiny, stand strong and be of a good courage. You to can make it and testify of the very thing that tried to destroy your marriage. What came to kill the marriage could not kill it, but caused if to flourish and go into destiny that you would of not thought of. Man/woman you are destine for greatness. Do not give in to what seems to come to destroy you or your marriage. Marriage is great and pleasing in the sight of the Lord. Live to the fullness and forgive them that trespass against you. For such ones have a day that shall come around for their wrong doing! Love each other inspite of . For LOVE will remove and set things in order that we can not do. Again, love him/her, for that is your SPOUSE and no one else. Hope this will encourage your heart. My prayers I leave with you friend. Mrs. Pettus, Shelby NC

Marie - posted on 08/29/2012

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Get a divorce or seperation quick fast and in a hurry. If you let it slide this will show a side of weakness. Why allow someone to treat you less than what you deserve. Once he sees that you arent bothered and you can make it on your own, he will see what he is missing. Men only do what they know they can get away with. If you choose to stay with him have access to everything. It is ok to forgive, but you will not be able to forget. This is your life ,your journey and do what you see fit for you to do. Oh by the way two wrongs dont make it right, it only make it feel better for a second.

Angel - posted on 08/29/2012

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Once a cheater always a cheater and I'm pretty sure this wasn't the first time. Set your standards higher. Respect yourself and go out and find the man that deserves you. Respect yourself, have morals, and set your standards very, very high then that special man will see this and you and him will be very happy. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Get the proff hes cheating on you a file for divorce. you dont dezerve to be cheated on and if he says he wont do it again its a lie.

Shannon - posted on 08/23/2012

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You cannot let him keep doing it that is just gonna run you down. I was only married a few months but he didn't come home one night and i acted hastly put his stuff outside before i even talked to him. Although i was right and i did divorce him. Six years is a long time but I would start the divorce process!

Nicole - posted on 08/23/2012

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YES.. im telling you right now he will not stop.. and he obviously has been doing it for a while.. leave the man you deserve better

Dawn - posted on 08/20/2012

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Err..... NO, you should NOT let him carry on!!!!!!!! he has broken his marriage vows and to say he married you so he could get custody of his kids - oh wow.... I would have been straight out of the door. Honey, you need to be with someone who treats YOU right, you do not deserve to be treated like this. My Mum put up with my Dad's cheating all the way through their marriage even whilst pregnant with me she told me she had husbands coming up to her telling her to tell her husband to stay away from their wives!!!!!!! unbelieve, and my Mum should have gone there and then.... but, she stayed,having 2 more children with him and still he carried on even fathering another child (although it was brushed under the carpet) when he left her with the youngest of us 3 only 1 yr old to be with this other woman then left the other woman whilst SHE was 7 months pregnant... THEN, he carried on with affair after affair, some lasting 3 years or more and my Mum knew about them and even became friends with some of them - ARGH,,,,,, Mum, I told her, you have DOORMAT written all over your face...... but still she consoled him when he broke up with yet another one he had left my Mum for and she took him back YET again............ I could never, ever understand it...... I know that I would NOT accept ANY cheating from my husband and HE KNOWS IT... I deserve the best or nothing and SO DO YOU....xx

Amy - posted on 08/18/2012

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Onlu you can answer that question. You have to do a lot of soul searching and ask yourself if he is truly worth the effort of fixing your relationship. If you feel he is worth it, then seek a professional to help guide you through the rough waters you have ahead. It will not be an easy process but if you are both invested then it is possible to come out with a stronger relationship.

If you feel he is not worth the effort, seek out an attorney sooner rather than later. The longer you stay and waffle with your decision the more confusing and painful the transition will be. Good luck with your decision.

Tim - posted on 08/18/2012

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Personally they do say that you can never forget but you can forgive, however for me once you have lost that trust, respect and have that doubt, it will never be the same and why should you deserve second best? I dont have any religious constraints or spiritual compass but personally get rid of him.

Karen - posted on 08/18/2012

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I would get an std test firstthen figure out howlong he has been with her if he plans to stay with her or if there is a reason that he chose this girl in particular or if there have been others and this is the first one you found out about. how many kids are involved in the relationship i forgave a cheater to find him cheating again with someone else and I kept getting burned at some point I decided it was no longer worth all the heartache and my children they ask why daddy would do this to them and their Mommy and now i will find out that he has two more kids with another girl and lives with them. get the divorce when you realize you deserve better treatment and can make a safe exit or send him away so he will not ruin your health and teach kids it's okay to cheat on your wife or husband. But be absolutely sure he and you do not have a real love left to salvage make him take marriage counseling and attend church with you and you can try to reapir the mistrust.It's up to you.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/17/2012

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By the way, I'm kidding, I just thought you could use a laugh. I know this is very upsetting and stressful for you. Talk it out with him. I can only imagine things might not be the same between the two of you. I feel like you should go to some counseling before making a decision. Don't even be seperated from him until you see a counselor, seperation is like an invitation to see other people. I like what Zumrad said about making him fall in love with you again. Zumrad, you're an adorable woman! Just work on it and see if he does it again. I am so sorry for you... ugh I'm such a b**** about those things that I get mad even I'm comfortable with conversations my boyfriend has with single girls at work.

Donna - posted on 08/15/2012

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Divorce him. He'll tell you he wont do it ever again but they do. My ex husband cheated on me and I gave him plenty of chances and he kept doing it. Sometimes they change and most times they'll keep doing it,.

B - posted on 08/15/2012

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not necessarily, there are a few websites you can post to for support, Marriage Builders, or Marriage Advocates. Dr. Harley from Marriage builders does marriage counseling over the phone expensive, but from what I understand worth it. And Marriage advocates have many men and women who have found themselves in similar situations who would gladly work with you towards saving your marriage.

Zumrad - posted on 08/14/2012

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of course not. Forget the word Divorse, Its a trap of the modern world. Make him fall in love with you again. be pleasnat and lovable to him. he cannot be the bad guy. there are always two side to an issue. learn to be a different way of doing things, find your new you. if you are willing to fight, God will be your helper.

User - posted on 08/14/2012

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It depends on what type of person he was while you were dating. If he cheated while you were boyfriend and girlfriend, I would be gone. Furthermore, has he cheated within your 6 year marriage. If yes, I would be gone. I firmly believe once a cheater is always a cheater. Are there children involved? I know it is very difficult when children are involved, but me personally, I couldn't feel comfortable sleeping with my husband knowing he slept with somebody else. The relationship would never be the same.

Naomi Victoria Alice - posted on 08/13/2012

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i would not give him another chance once is to many he is disrespecting you and lieing to you that is a veery low thing to do and it is not on how will you trust him again and how could you bring yourself to be sexual with him again i would get a divorce before he does it again and your relationship goes more downhill and arguements erupt (understandable by the way) kids notice tension and anger its hard for the anger and upset to go after a man cheats on you but they will be happier if your apart and just good friends and still being the best parents you can be to be honest xx hope this helps xx

Anna - posted on 08/13/2012

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You want to continue the relationship then get counselling otherwise have some self respect and tell him you deserve better!

Tina - posted on 08/11/2012

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I think you've answered you own question. He'll keep on doing it and he married you to get custody of his kids. Honestly he's not worth the heartache. It's up to you. But in my opinion he's not worth any chances.

Christy - posted on 08/10/2012

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I don't really understand, he married you to get custody of his daughters from a previous relationship? What does that mean? Were you 2 ever in love or was this just a business deal? To me, marriage is a huge commitment, so I take it pretty seriously. I wouldn't just automatically dump him, but I wouldn't tolerate being treated that way. You are worth more than that. If it's just a business deal so that you 2 live together and pretend to be a family for his girls, then are you allowed to date other guys? If he just recently threw this in your face after you caught him, is he saying that he never really wanted to marry you as an excuse for what he did so that he can rationalize it? If this is not a business deal and you didn't agree to this, I would separate from him. If he tries to work it out and wants to come back, you can see if he's really sorry and if you believe him, work on the relationship at that time. But if he doesn't even feel bad about what he's done, there really isn't anything to work on and I'd let him go. You deserve to be treated better than that.

Elisha - posted on 08/07/2012

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I agree to get counseling, for yourself. If he's truly repentant and wants marriage counseling, great, but if not, protect yourself and your children first. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty if you choose not to work it out, especially as a Christian. His actions are inexcusable, and there is no reason in the world that you have to take any responsibility for him cheating. People who say that have no clue. If he was unhappy at home, then there are other ways to deal with it. It's never an excuse for cheating.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/07/2012

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Ami Cook "YOu need marital counsoling and you need to figure out why... cheating is wrong but maybe you were not giving him what he needs. most of all you need counsoling. so try to work through the issues and if it happens again then leave him if you are not able to work through the issues then it is over... "

What a wonderful way to say it is her fault HE made the choice to cheat.

DIANA - posted on 08/07/2012

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In my opinion, you can choose to forgive him if you really love him and can get past it OR divorce. I'm the type of person that would not be able to get past such as devastating betrayal and I "would" get a divorce. I practice Christianity and I've been taught that I can go either way. The GOD that I serve allows divorce only when adultery has been committed. That is just an example for you.

Ami - posted on 08/04/2012

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YOu need marital counsoling and you need to figure out why... cheating is wrong but maybe you were not giving him what he needs. most of all you need counsoling. so try to work through the issues and if it happens again then leave him if you are not able to work through the issues then it is over...

Stifler's - posted on 08/03/2012

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He married you to get custody of his children? Well that's all I'd need to hear.

Tiffany - posted on 08/03/2012

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Ummmm is this a real question? Why would you "let" him continue to do this??! Heck no! Get outta there! Cheating and physical abuse are definite deal breakers. Good luck. If you need to chat, please IM me. Take care.

Cecilia Marie - posted on 08/01/2012

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you should tolk to him if it don't work than get the proof than go get a lawer and get out why you can. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP

Elisha - posted on 07/30/2012

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I used my one "get out of jail free" card on my ex, so from here on out, NOBODY is getting away with anything. I don't even put up with chatting up another chic on facebook, nothing. Forget cheating. You cheat on me, it's over, no questions asked. You should just know to expect to come home to your crap on the lawn, the locks changed, and separation papers waiting for your signature. Heck, let another chic make an inappropriate comment on your facebook and you don't put a stop to it immediately WITHOUT GIVING ME GRIEF OVER IT, then you can pack your crap. I won't put up with any of it anymore. You either respect me or regret me.

Luvmia - posted on 04/28/2012

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I think the best thing to do is to go to marriage counseling. I hope everything works out for you.

Anna - posted on 04/24/2012

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Why would you "let" your husband continue to hurt you? Surely you believe you deserve more respect from him than that! When my husband and I got married, I told him he got one free pass to screw up. After that, it was over. There is no excuse for having that much lack of self-control and respect for your significant other. Find someone else more worthy of your time.

Shannon - posted on 04/24/2012

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i went to him when he did it said that nothing happened which i knew better and i went after her too my kids are first and he cant see it so he thinks its alright to go and do this

Shannon - posted on 04/24/2012

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he told me the reason we got married so he could get custody of his two daughters that he has with somebody else

Crystal - posted on 04/24/2012

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What do you want? If you want to give you're marriage a second chance and he is sorry then try. This is something you have to think long and hard about there is no right answer here. You need to be happy. I have been there. I forgave my husband and we have worked really hard. We both cheated. The trust will never be there 100% again. If you forgive and he cheats kick him to the door. Good Luck and I am sorry you are going though this.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/15/2012

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Unlike Bonnie, in this situation, I think it is more important to ask yourself what YOU want first.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/15/2012

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I am not sure why you would let him keep doing it. Marriage is about being with one person, devoted yourself to them on all levels. I see cheating as one of the worst betrayals.

It really depends on if you can forgive him, but respect yourself enough to not give him permission to continue. I don't see the sense in that. Personally, my husband would be out on his ass with divorce papers served the next day. Nope. Not in my home. Also, if you continue to let him cheat, think of how your childrens perception of what a healthy marriage is. That it is ok to treat your partner with complete disrespect and cheat on them? Do you want your kids feeling like a women should be treated this way?

I am sorry this is happening, but don't let it continue.

Bonnie - posted on 04/15/2012

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No, I would not let him keep doing it at all. By you letting him, it is showing you don't care and he can do and get away with what he wants. He married you, he should be committed to you. Talk this out with him. Does he know that you know what he has done or been doing? Find out from him what he truly wants. Then you need to ask yourself what you want.

Amy - posted on 04/14/2012

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Yeah those seem like two extremes so if those are the only options then I'd leave! There is no way I would allow my husband to continue having an affair. I would do marriage counseling if I felt it was worth saving and try and figure out what brought about the affair in the first place. If your husband wants to save the marriage he should be an open book! Do not think so low of yourself that you would allow him to continue having the affair, if you think that poorly of yourself seek some counseling to build your self esteem up!

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