Should you get your teenage daughter birth control?

[deleted account] ( 13 moms have responded )

I have a 13 yr old daughter who just lost her virginity last week, should I give her birth control? I was very shocked to find out that my daughter had sex. She's a good girl, very respectful, and responsible. But I guess nowadays, nothing is shocking. I don't want my daughter ending up pregnant, she's only in middle school! If you have a teenage daughter, what would YOU do?


Sarah - posted on 02/04/2015




I would actually figure out why at 13 years old she is having sex. There is much more going on then just getting her on birth control or if you should. There would be some long conversations going on with maybe even some family counseling. It is also not about her getting pregnant or not. There are STD's to be concerned with that not all birth controls protect against. Do some 13 year olds have sex.....yes, but more than 99% of the time the issue is deeper than just having sex. I would also not consider a 13 year old having sex being very responsible. She is seeking attention in the wrong way and being as young as 13 yrs old that is a GREAT concern as to why.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/06/2015




Somehow, they don't like being told that common sense is necessary for parenting!

Dove - posted on 02/05/2015




If my daughter at 13 had sex... the first place we would go is the MD to check for STD's and pregnancy... the second place we would go is straight to counseling.

Then again... my daughter IS 13 and while I don't want to make you feel bad or insult your daughter at all.... my daughter thinks the girls in her class that have boyfriends and have sex are idiots.

MOST kids at 13 who have sex are looking for something they need that they aren't getting from home. Start there and seek help... please.

Whether or not the two of you decide she should go on birth control I can not say, but I would make SURE she knows that pregnancy is not the worst result of sex. I'd be showing her every pic of STD's I could find on the internet and let her know that could happen to her from just ONE time of sex w/out a condom.. and can even happen WITH a condom... and make sure she knows that anal and oral are just as risky (since some kids think that's a 'safe' way to do it).

It is very good that she told you and very good that she used protection... but please don't let that fool you into thinking she is ready for this step.

Sarah - posted on 02/05/2015




I am glad she told you and that she used protection. Now you need to find out how she came to the decision. Did she feel pressured by the boy, are her friends having sex, was it her idea, does she plan on continue to be sexually active and how would she manage a pregnancy? No birth control is 100% effective. When you and she have a good understanding of the situation and her plans, you can decide if you will pay for birth control. She should see a gynecologist, regardless of your decision provide BC or not. Sexually active teens need to have pelvic exams and pap smears.

Sarah - posted on 02/04/2015




Sarah H is correct. I don't think it is appropriate for kids this age to have sex. To say that there is nothing to be done and kids will have sex no matter what, is a cop out. I am a school nurse and I encounter kids this age who are sexually active and they come to me when they think they are pregnant or have an STD. Not one time has a child this age said to me: "Nurse Sarah, I am in love, I chose to have sex because I felt ready and it was a wonderful experience for both of us". Not even close! I hear, "I had too or he'd dump me, I thought it would make me popular, I thought it would make him love me, I did not know how to say that I was not ready" So sad!
In my experience girls that have sex at this age are lacking self esteem and self worth. A responsible, smart girl would have sought birth control before having sex. Have you and she had an ongoing dialog about dating and sex? If not, why not? I have three teens: boys 18 and13, and a girl 15, all virgins and not even close to making that choice. We discuss sex, safety and choices often. They all know they can tell me anything, anytime. How did you come to find out?


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Barbara - posted on 02/06/2015




Do you want to be a grandma at this time or would you rather be a grandma at a later date? That is the real question. There is a type of birth control that is put into te upper arm and stays active a number of years then she can't forget to use it, it's automatic. Does she use condoms to be protected from most diseases? Is she vaccinated against HPV disease? This is another good question . Try to be brave as you try to deal with each of these questions don't delay do it now. Thank you.

Trisha - posted on 02/05/2015




Birth control for sure. It wouldn't matter about the age. If she is sexually active, she should be taking birth control pills.
She is going to do it anyways, so don't risk it because you think it would make you seem like an irresponsible mom.
I would make it clear to my daughter that just because she is on birth control does not mean that I think it is OK for her to be having sex at that age. Inform her that it is not 100% effective, and the risks of diseases, and hell - even reputation, but that it is the most responsible decision you can make as a parent to ensure that she does not have a child at such an early age.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/05/2015




That is an absolute NO BRAINER. She's had sex. She will continue to have sex. Either you educate the child about birth control NOW, or you raise a potential grandchild while your 14 YO finishes school.

Pill, shot, anything that is NOT dependent on the person to remember to use it right before sex.

Good grief. Even though I knew my sons were not having sex, they STILL had condoms on hand, because I don't trust ANY teenager's sex drive.

May I also suggest that you look into the underlying reason that she thought sex was going to either be fun, or make her acceptable to people? Usually it's a serious self esteem issue that needs to be addressed, and quite a lot of the time, the issue begins in the home.

Raye - posted on 02/05/2015




She *said* she used protection, but she could have been lying so you wouldn't have been even more disappointed in her. And a lot of young people don't know how to use condoms properly. So there's still some risk.

I'm with the other moms... most likely there's some self-esteem issues going on with her. I had sex for the first time at 13. It wasn't enjoyable and the guy dumped me. I had issues all through high school with thinking that my self-worth was tied to having sex or being sexy.

If I were you I would put her on the pill to be on the safe side. Let her know that it does NOT give her a free pass to have sex. Let her know she can still get STD's. As Dove said, I'd go online and show all the horrible pics of what STD's can do to your mouth, vagina, anus, and could be something she would have to live with the rest of her life (which could also be shortened). Get her good and scared, and get her into counseling or keep talking to her to find out why she allowed it to happen.

Jodi - posted on 02/04/2015




I agree with the others. 13 year old girls don't usually have sex (kids having sex younger and younger is actually a misconception) - it is generally a symptom of another issue if they do. You need to get to the bottom of why she is choosing to have sex at her age.

[deleted account]

You have a point. Me and my daughter have had discussions about sex before and we discussed protection. I just didn't think she would have sex right now because honestly, who expects their 13 year old to have sex? She told me on her own. She also told me that she used protection which kind of made me proud because most kids aren't responsible enough to practice safe sex.

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