Sick husband plus pregnant.

Brooke - posted on 01/18/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Hello ladies, I am wondering if any of you have gone through a having a sick husband while pregnant or with kids. Mine has Hogkin's Lyphoma. I am 26 weeks pregnant and am feeling scared. I feel guilty thinking about myself and how my needs will be met.
Any suggestions on how to get through, de-stress, support groups you know of?
Thank you sooo much,
Brooke Filson

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Nicolle - posted on 01/21/2009

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how sick is he? if it's serious then consider this practice for when you will need to kick in those nurturing instincts and enjoy being a mom to him, if it is just MAN FLU then tell him to suck it up and help you because unless he is growing your child inside of him he cannot tax you he should be showering you with attention like foot rubs and back rubs and making sure the house is absolutely ready for a baby.



Nicolle Francis-Muir 

Karen - posted on 01/21/2009

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Dear Brooke,
Congratulations on your pregnancy ! Do you know if it is a girl or boy and when are you due ? I am an older mom whose daughter (age 25) is pregnant for the first time, due in May. My son who is now almost 23, is in remission for Hodgkins, though we took the long way around trying to do natural cures. We finally had to do chemo and his own transplant and that is working out well.We have been on this journey since he was 17, but he refused the chemo for a few years. If you get right down to chemo treatment, you will be done with it in short order. As it was, from all the stress, I developed Breast Cancer, but had a lumpectomy and am on the other side of it, as well. The only thing that got my son and myself through it all was being Grateful to God for everything and staying positive, even though others would try to get us to go to the fear place. Echert Tolle's books on living with joy in the present moment as if that is all there is helped change our outlook on life and help others while helping ourselves. One of his books is named THE NEW EARTH and of course I pray and read the Bible and all kinds of positive books, too. I came to understand that we were meant to co create with GOD and we have creative powers as well. What do we create? It is in our mind. We create with our thoughts and so what are we thinking ? If we are thinking positive and good thoughts, that is what we will create in our body. That is true of the baby that is growing, too. So think good thoughts, be grateful to God for EVERYTHING and you will create your own healthy environment. While you are at it, teach your husband to do this, too. Only surround yourself with positive people and you will be fine. Remember that if your husband does take chemo that it does a number on emotions temporarily, so just give both of you the benefit of the doubt and love your husband, baby and yourself very gently.
May God Bless Your Family,
Mama Karen

Michelle - posted on 01/19/2009

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Hi,



I can sort of relate to what you are going through. I have 4 children and my youngest son at the age of 9 months was diagnosed with Leukemia. Within a month of him being in Sick Kids hospital I found out I was pregnant for the fourth time. How I managed to get through it all was with the love and support of family and friends. Dont be afraid to lean on them that is what they are there for and trust me it all falls into place. Dont feel guilty about thinking about yourself as you do have another life in there to worry about. Although your husband is going through what he is he fully understands and wants the best for you and your child. He knows you are there to support him in anyway needed as you will find alot of strength from him as well. My prayers are with you and your family and I hope you will take comfort in knowing you are not alone.

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Emmy Lou - posted on 07/14/2016

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Thoughts and prayers go out to you, your husband and family. My husband has been ill since right before I had our baby girl. It is a long Tough road. So many emotions . My heart goes out to you. I have been there and still am. Stay strong! God has given me the strength to get through each day and night caring for my husband and 4 month old. Praying for grace.

Tanya - posted on 01/18/2014

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I have a two yo daughter and a 12 week old baby. my husband was diagnosed with a grade 4 brain tumour a week after she was born.I need some words of wisdom if you have any. I am so scared.we had so many dreams that we feel have been ripped apart. He has been given less than a year. Please help guide me.I have remained strong and supportive for my husband and kids so far but I feel like i'm starting to lose faith and strength.

Brooke - posted on 10/16/2013

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I just ran across this! I am the original writer. My son is now 4.5 and husband is still fighting cancer. It's been a long, hard road.

Karen - posted on 01/21/2009

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Hi I'm Karen I had breast cancer 8 years ago when I was 34 yrs, Three years after i was diagnosed my husband got non-hodgkins disease, he had some lymph glands removed and chemo and then was given the all clear in the Nov, 3 months later he went for a routine check-up and it was back. This time when he had a bone marrow test it was in the middle of it being non-hodgkins and hodgkins and they couldn't determine which it was. He had more lymph glands removed and had more chemo,and was really ill, my children at the time were just 17, 14, 13, 11 and 9 they have been through hell and back with worry. He is still having checks and doing well. I have been discharged from the hospital now. If you need a chat or any advice I will do my best to support you. I had to hold a full time job down and look after my children and sick husband so I do know how you are feeling. People used to say I know how your feeling, NO THEY DON'T unless they have been through the same thing, they can only imagine. Keep in touch and let me know how things are going and good luck with everything.xx

Molly - posted on 01/21/2009

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Brooke you are the second mother-to-be that I have heard about this week with a husband who has Hodgkins; a client of my mother's husband has non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and is pregnant with her second child...I dont know her myself or I would put you in-touch with her...anywho, I second the suggestion about getting into reading *or even better* listening to Eckhart Tolle's books on CD. The best are 'Living a Life of Inner Peace' and 'A New Earth', but they are all great really. So much available to us in the power of the present moment....our prayers are with you as well as you and your family go through a difficult and miraculous part of your journey in this life.



Take care,

molly

Brooke - posted on 01/20/2009

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Hi ladies,
Wow! Thank you for your responses. I wasn't sure anyone would reply. I am sorry I haven't checked until now...I've been struggling with being really anxious and down. I appreciate all of your suggestions. It is amazing to see so many followers of Christ on here. I appreciated the scripture references, practical suggestions like massage, and reminders to take care of me and the baby.
I am greatly encouraged.
If anyone would like to follow "us" on caring bridge the web address is:
www.caringbridge.org/visit/fillysfriends
Thank you for your prayers....

User - posted on 01/20/2009

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I am so sorry to hear about your husband. Well, I am a mother of twins and my ex-husband walked out on us when the twins were a year old. And I had no help physically for babysitting, or any way shape or form and no help financially. There was a period of time that I worked 2 jobs 7 days a week for 3 straight years. And I stayed single for 10 years after my ex left. Truely the only way I got threw it was having the Lord in my life! Remember, God will not ever give you more than you can handle. And when you feel overwhelmed and want to cry - do cry, get it out and then talk to God. You can pray formal prays if you like, but I usually just talked to him. But watch what you ask for. I always asked for strength and knowledge to know how to handle each situation. And really it worked. And when you are mad or angry tell God even though he already knows. I leaned on God cause all of my friends kinda left me and didn't want to deal with my problems. So to say they weren't really friends. So smile, keep your chin up. Say to yourself "I am woman and I can do it all!" and you will. My twins now just turned 30 yrs old and my children asked me how I got threw those years and that's exactly what I told them - By the Grace of God is how you get through everything in life. This will bring you closer to God, your husband and child. Just enjoy every moment of your life. You have a right to be scared, but just keep in your mind God will help you threw it all. And enjoy every minute of good and bad because life passes very quickly for all of us. If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to contact me at roxfisher@hotmail.com My name is Roxanne Fisher and my daughter, Tennille is now a pharmacist with her Pharm D and her twin brother, Brandon is a Teacher with his Masters. And that was a scarey time for me, too. How to pay for college. I had to even refinance my home to do it. But guess what, God even blessed me for doing that. I just paid off a new condo that I purchased 4 years ago. It is my dream home. And I would have never dreamed that in a million years. So smile, you expecting a wonder gift (joy) from God.

Colleen - posted on 01/20/2009

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I had Hodgkins when I was 25.  Have your husband keep positive and that will help you out.  Hodgkins is I believe 90% curable and I had it 20 years ago with no remissions.  Have him get in touch with the American Cancer Society and get in a support group.  They normally line yo up with someone about your same age with the same type of cancer so that they can talk to someone.  I am sure that will help.  Cancer is hard to deal with but at least this one is curable if caught early enough and I had it a long time ago so I am sure the advances in medicine are there.  Just remember positive and find some humor in the everyday laughter I beleive is the best medicine.  Good luck!

April - posted on 01/20/2009

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Quoting Brooke:

Sick husband plus pregnant.

Hello ladies, I am wondering if any of you have gone through a having a sick husband while pregnant or with kids. Mine has Hogkin's Lyphoma. I am 26 weeks pregnant and am feeling scared. I feel guilty thinking about myself and how my needs will be met.
Any suggestions on how to get through, de-stress, support groups you know of?
Thank you sooo much,
Brooke Filson



hi Brooke,



 I am so sorry to hear about your husband.  I know that Hodkin's Lymphoma is not fun. My father in love had it while i was pregnant.  I think the was you are is feeling is normal.  Don't feel guilty at all.  I know that ALL things are possible withGod- Matthew 19:26.  This is how we got through it- He carried us all the way.  Rely on Him and let him do the work, not you. Let him give you the peace that  only He can give-Philippians4:6 and 7.  I know this is a hard time for you and it would be for anyone, just know that i will be praying for you and your husband. 



april 

Vickie - posted on 01/20/2009

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It is never easy.  I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer when I was 3 months pregnant with my youngest daughter.  Its a scary time and not easy for anyone in the family.  Try to find other wives that have husbands that are sick.  That way you have someone to talk to, and never hold in your feelings.  If you ever need to talk you always have this site.  Sometimes just getting it out is the best stress release.  Good luck, and God Bless,



Vickie Holk

Vickie - posted on 01/20/2009

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It is never easy.  I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer when I was 3 months pregnant with my youngest daughter.  Its a scary time and not easy for anyone in the family.  Try to find other wives that have husbands that are sick.  That way you have someone to talk to, and never hold in your feelings.  If you ever need to talk you always have this site.  Sometimes just getting it out is the best stress release.  Good luck, and God Bless,



Vickie Holk

Paulette - posted on 01/19/2009

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Hi Brooke, Congradulations on you little bundle of joy. Is it your first? I think it is totally normal to feel like you do. You want your husband to be cured and not having to worry about the worse case senerio. Throw pride out the window and ask family and friends for support. Your baby is counting on you to stay as stress free as possible. In this situation a positive frame of mind can make a difference. You could do a bake sale or a quilt making sale to help with finances. There are life insurance policies where no medical check up is needed. That might be a possibility. You both need to enjoy the pregnancy and make memories that can be passed onto your baby. Live like he is going to make it but be real taking care of things financially. If possible, why don't the 2 of you get a couples massage. Please do not feel bad for thinking about the needs of you and your baby will be met it is a survivior instinct, especially being pregnant.  Keep us posted and take care.

Therese - posted on 01/19/2009

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I wish I had a better suggestion, but just have faith that you will get through it.  My husband has Crohn's Disease, and my daughter has been visiting the hopsital for his many ER trips and surgeries since she was nine months old.  She is so incredibly awesome in hospitals and waiting rooms, and I think it's really helped open up her sympathetic values at a much younger age.  I've had to work at focusing on what my husband's illness allows us to do, and not think about the distant future and the "what-if"s.



The best way to take care of your needs without adding pressure to your husband is to find someone else to fill the gap.  A mom, family member or friend is great support to go baby shopping with and talk through things with.  Join a mom's group in your neighborhood and create a support network that can help with emergency care for your child.  Some hospitals and insurance providers have support groups - ask the nurses.  You don't need to worry about your husband feeling left out of the baby experience if you only share the good things with him and spare him from the anxiety you might feel.



Best wishes to all of you,



Therese

Caprice - posted on 01/19/2009

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Hi Brooke - I wish I could help you with a support group, and say more than just I feel for you and your husband and know that if you let people help you and surround yourself with loving friends and family your spirits and your husbands will be lifted. I believe that positive attitude, happiness, lots of smiles, love, etc... all those things help combat the stress you are both under and the damage it does on the body (and your baby). What I do know that can help you and your husband is Juice Plus. I don't care if you buy it from me or someone else, but please look into it. www.wethriveonjuiceplus.com. I just got back from a Juice Plus convention this weekend, and not only am I even more convinced by all of the independent research proving it improves immune function, help protect and repair DNA, helps health cell generation, supports health pregnancy (study shows far lower complication rate for moms on Juice Plus)... and so much more. Although, we don't rely on testimonials because there's plenty of research proving it has a positive effect on health (it's just fruits and vegetables liquified, then salt and sugar removed, and dehydrated in capsules), I heard several stories from regular people at the convention who said they fought and beat their cancer in part with Juice Plus. I'm going to a prayer group tomorrow and will put in a word for you and your husband.

Meag - posted on 01/19/2009

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Aww... I would try to make sure you are both as supportive to each other as you can be. Don't feel guilty or stress about it just try your best to be happy and healthy and keep your head up. I would google support groups in your area as well that would most definetly be helpful and a positive outlet. I think the best de-stresser out there is massage you should treat the both of you :)

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