Jessica - posted on 07/17/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )
I have a 12 (almost 13) year old daughter from a past relationship, but my husband has been in her life as her father since she was 2 weeks old. She knows he is not her real father. That being said, I have "mom guilt" about it and feel like I constantly have to be a buffer between she and my husband. He is a black and white kind of guy, he's a yeller (that's just how his family is...we're pretty used to it) and I'm a really laid back kind of person. I could care less if my daughter keeps her room clean or does her dishes on a regular basis. Those are her only regular chores. So since she and I are much closer than she and my husband, she always asks me for permission to go places, do stuff, etc., and since I just want her to enjoy her childhood, I generally just let her go wherever as long as it's appropriate and safe. He throws FITS though, if he comes home and her dishes aren't done or her room isn't clean. Right now, he is saying he's going to take her phone and smash it on the ground in front of her because he specifically told her to clean her room, do her dishes and finish mowing a small part of the yard before she went anywhere yesterday. I didn't know he told her to do all that and of course she didn't mention it to me, so I just told her to pick up her room (not to spotlessly clean it) and she could go. I don't know what I'm really looking for her, I'm just TIRED of being this buffer. I feel guilty for what I did to her, she has never met her real father because I didn't want him in her life and he chose to not push the matter. She has only ever known my husband as a father. I am just scared to death that she is going to resent me, resent him, rebel and do a bunch of stupid crap. I want her to have a good, rewarding, fulfilling life, not end up a pregnant teenager or dating some loser or something. And my husband has no idea how hard this is to try to keep them both happy. He is so convinced that his way is right. And he takes any instance where she doesn't do what he told her to do as a personal affront, blatant disrespect. I want them to have a GOOD relationship. A girl needs to have a Daddy she can go to, count on to be there for her and I feel like she's never going to feel that way with him. How do I handle this?! I am so lost, and terrified, and upset, and I'm so afraid to hurt them both. I'm sorry if this didn't make any sense. I just am at a loss...