sierra

Yolanda - posted on 06/20/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My 20 yr old moves home from college. She had 2 year scholarship for basketball but unfortunately was kicked off the team for fighting a another team with her team mates. Well everyone else wasn't kicked off the team but her. The coach talked with all team mates but my daughter seemed to be the one ki ked off due to her smart mouth. The coach wanted Sierra to apologize but she refused . So her scholarship was only for that remainder of that year instead of 2 , now she's home with me. Well needless to say she has a temp job, and started enrolling herself I a community college but never finished applying, meaning more paper work is needed , transcript ect. She's doing things in my home I don't approve of such as a lot of company , laying all on my furniture everyday , boys that are her age that look suspicious ,meaning not doing anything with their life. I'm not used to this at all .I have taken to her about it and she gets in my face disagreeing , cussed at me and calls me names during her argument because I don't argue, causes sense outside the home with her loud mouth and embarrassesme in front of friends. I can't take anymore . Help ! How do I handle this. Also , she has a mind that hasn't matured and Kayla follows her also by disrespecting me , she's the youngest. My middle child who just graduated doesn't and hasn't talked to me ever this way and on her way to college in august. I'm not happy and I feel myself falling in depression once again over her.

Mind you Sierra lived with her father who she cussed out and then she finished the last 2 years of high school with grandparents who thought they could change her but they had to deal with the disrespect during those 2 years with cussing . They sent her off to college but when she had to leave college early her grandparents said said she couldn't return there with them so now she's with me. I thought she changed cause of college , at least grew up ,but she didn't. That's why I thought it would be easy because she's 20 , it's not.

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Michelle - posted on 06/21/2015

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She's an adult, it's time she stood on her own 2 feet and acted like an adult.

Michelle - posted on 06/20/2015

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You need to let her know what the rules of living in your house are. Also let her know that if she doesn't want to live by the rules she's more than welcome to move out and do her own thing. She's an adult and can start acting like it.
If she refuses to live by your rules then give her a set time that she has to be out by.
It's time for some tough love and let her stand on her own 2 feet.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/23/2015

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Hold the phone here. Are you talking about your 20 year old ADULT child?
I guess it really doesn't matter at this point, because honey, both of your elder daughters are over the age of 18. NEITHER of them has any obligation to list you on any of their medical or school paperwork, regardless of whether you are paying tuition or not.
At the age of 18, they have the ability to tell doctors and everyone else involved with them not to release information to their parents. You cannot FORCE them to put you in as emergency contact, even if it seems to be the best decision.
Perhaps you could benefit from some counseling sessions to adjust to being a parent of adult children. There are a lot of changes that most aren't prepared for.

Yolanda - posted on 06/23/2015

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It was for the college emergency contact. She has done this before and that was scheduling for her surgery which caused problems because he contacted me late. I was waiting wondering why they didn't call yet to register her. He's there in there life which I don't mind , it's the responsibility part I have a problem with on his part. Through our marriage I was more of the focus then our 3 girls were. He said I was excellent wife till we had kids . That's why I can't have him as emergency contact right now for the start of this paper work but if she wants to add him later that's fine . I had trouble with my Kayla in school , his name and number was written down but he never showed up. Kayla has bypolor a nd ODD. So Since then I keep him updated as I should and I don't mind but emergencies he failed in the past. I told her she can add him when she gets settled or i will. But it was only 1 space , and I couldn't take that chance .

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2015

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Was it an emergency contact for the doctor or college?
If it's for college there should be more than 1 emergency contact. If it's for the doctor ask her why she put him down instead of you.

Yolanda - posted on 06/23/2015

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So far so good it's been a blessed week , last week that is. This week going well with Sierra my 20 year old . I'm beginning to think she's got the message, well at least Im in hopes that she did. My daughter Kayla 16 has by-polor and it's been a good week with her to. My 18 Destiny who just graduated is soon to go to college august 27th. But I have at least one problem, well I was in my feelings yesterday. Why ? Because I sent her to the doctors for a physical for college and she put her father down as emergency contact. This is a man who showed up at her graduation late, like when it was over. So for a emergency contact I was in my feelings. L ike if something happened at school , is he going to drop what he's doing to race to her?? Well , needless to say I'm still over protective in my eyes. if your not gonna stop by and see them or spend time , how are you going to be a contact? Someone tell me , am I being a little over the top. I take all things in prayer...... But let's be real

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/21/2015

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This is no longer a child that you are obligated to support, so give her an eviction notice of 30 days. Give her an alternative: living at home, under contract. Paying rent and expenses, and living according to common house rules.

How do you expect her to behave? No one ever held her to consequences, it seems. Sounds to me as if she was passed back and forth between family members because she was never taught to respect her elders and appreciate what is being done with her. It wasn't up to her grandparents to raise her, it was up to you and her father.

Now that she's an adult, your choices are about what I've stated above. Either that, or let her continue to walk all over you, make her own rules in the house that you're paying for, and make you miserable...

Yolanda - posted on 06/21/2015

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Thank you very much for your reply and I felt the same way , just wasn't sure if I would still be considered a good mom.

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