Single father in need of some advice.

Jonas - posted on 04/25/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am a single father with a 21 month old son. His mother and I have been separated for a year now and I have done everything in my power to participate and be active in my son's life. I see my son 2 days, sometimes 3 times a week and she hasn't taken me to court yet, thank God, but this is besides the point. My son's mother is currently dating her highschool bf that she's had a friendship with since then, she's 28 years old now. When we parted ways last year she told me, and I quote "before you bring my son around another woman, I hope that's the woman you're going to marry". I've been single ever since because I want to focus on my son and getting my life together. We told eachother that we would give eachother a heads up if we were getting serious with anyone and thought of introducing our son to our new partner. I personally think it'll be a long time before I would do such a thing but I found out in the beginning of the year that my son's mother has been dating her new bf, of course she did the complete opposite of what we vowed and I was bothered that she kept it from me. She has been bringing our son around the new bf after dating him for several months but is completely fine with her decision because she feels she's known him for so long. I've been pretty upset that she was bringing another man around my son so soon. I could care less about how long she has known him as I don't want my son getting confused. I met him for the first time in a brief encounter and felt that he is a good, positive guy. Just the other day she picked up my son and brought her bf to my house, which got me upset because I don't want him knowing where I live. Why would she bring him to my house? I confronted her about it and she thought that there was no problem with it and that to her, it's no big deal. I'm clearly seeing that she is allowing this man to be around my son more often and so I spoke to her about it. She feels that she is doing nothing wrong and that our son is too young to know anything. I think otherwise. I feel that he is a sponge at this point of his life and can easily get confused. I also came to find out that she has been sleeping over his house with my son more often. I can care less who she dates as my main concern is my son. She says that I should stop focusing on that fact that she is bringing my son around another man and focus more on providing for him and seeing him when I see him. Am I wrong for feeling that she's bringing my son around this man too soon after dating him for several months, even tho she's known him since high school? I want to confront her to see if she's been bringing my son to sleep in the same bed with them but I feel she will lie about it as she avoids any confrontation with me because she feels that she just wants to "move on with her life". I keep telling her that she can move on with her new relationship, but we have a son together. It's not like she can just shut me out and not deal with me at all. How can I deal with this situation? It's been hard for me as I love my son deeply and want the best for him.


Cathy Sue - posted on 04/25/2016




I am so sorry for your current situation. I experienced a divorce situation when my children were young except that I am the Mother. My boys are now 43 and 46. Please do all that you can to keep a good relationship with your ex. I know that there are days that you just want to strangle her but you must keep your composure when dealing with her. I don't think that fairness will ever come in to play as she has custody. If you can strike up a good relationship with the new boyfriend, he may become an ally for you. I wish you the best.

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