Single mom

Nana - posted on 03/01/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Is it ok to sit down with my son at his age (8 years) and explain that things did not work out between me and his father?

Dear All,

I am a single mom of 8 year old son. His father does not play any part in raising a child. He only send me money when he want to visit. That happens once in 6 months or even a year. I decided to stop his father from sending money, because his money does not really make any difference, as i am playing 99% role in raising a child alone.

Recently i have noticed that my son does not want me to have a relationship. He does not respect any man around me.

He sometimes ask me why is his father not taking care of him, and that his wish is that he had a good father like any other children.

Is it fine if i sit down with him and tell the story about his father?

4 Comments

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Sarah - posted on 03/02/2016

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It is fine for you to be honest with your son, but take care to not bad mouth his father. No matter how awful a partner or checked out father he may be, he is still his dad. Kids are amazingly loyal to their parents. Why don't you file for child support thru the court? You son is entitled to be financially supported by both of you. You also don't have the right to no let dad see his son, unless you have a court order that denies his access. Kids take a long time to open up to sharing their parents with other people, so don't introduce him to men until you are certain they will be around and take it slowly. You don't have to tolerate him being rude to your male friends. Mutual respect and tolerance can be expected.

Erica - posted on 03/02/2016

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Dear Single Mom,

Thank you so much for having the courage to seek advice with how to respond to your son. I commend you on doing this as it shows that you are looking for what is best. I'm sure your son must have a ton of questions and may not fully understand why his father is not present in his life consistently and may not want you to have a relationship with anyone at this time in his life, but be encouraged that things can definitely get better. I'm also a single mom and had a similar situation with my children feeling the void of not having the other parent present and seeing other kids with their fathers. My heart broke at times because I wanted to fill the void for them and keep them from ever feeling any type of pain, but it was time that healed them and the open communication I kept with them. I didn't put their father down because building a mean picture was not my place, but I did sit with them and let them know how much I love them. If they were ever feeling indifferent about not having their father around they can speak about it at anytime even if it was feelings of anger or sadness. I wanted them to know that it's okay to have these feelings and know that they could express how they feel. Keep up the good work of being a great mom! Thank you for sharing...I'll be praying for you :-)

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