Single mom

Nana - posted on 03/01/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )




Is it ok to sit down with my son at his age (8 years) and explain that things did not work out between me and his father?

Dear All,

I am a single mom of 8 year old son. His father does not play any part in raising a child. He only send me money when he want to visit. That happens once in 6 months or even a year. I decided to stop his father from sending money, because his money does not really make any difference, as i am playing 99% role in raising a child alone.

Recently i have noticed that my son does not want me to have a relationship. He does not respect any man around me.

He sometimes ask me why is his father not taking care of him, and that his wish is that he had a good father like any other children.

Is it fine if i sit down with him and tell the story about his father?


Dove - posted on 03/02/2016




You are absolutely wrong to stop him from seeing and knowing his son. Completely.

I have a son who is about to be 8... July 2015 is the last time that he saw his father. The time he saw his father before that.... July 2013!! Yes, there are some issues. Technically I have the opposite as you cuz my son WANTS me to get married because he wants a dad that lives w/ him (never going to happen).

You know what else... My son LOVES his dad. Sure, his dad is barely involved and that sucks, but my son has a blast w/ his father whenever he does get to see him.

Dealing w/ the fallout of him missing his dad and wanting a dad that lives w/ him is my job. Taking away the dad he DOES have... is not.

Get court ordered visitations established and then whether or not his father sees him is on him, but don't put your son in the middle of that decision. He needs to know that his dad loves him and will see him when he can... and he'll figure the rest out on his own (my 14 year old twin daughters already have a long time ago).


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Raye - posted on 03/02/2016




I don't see a problem with explaining to your son that people have relationships, and sometimes they don't work out. People who are unrelated can sometimes stop being in love. But don't bad-mouth the father, and let him know that blood relationships (like mother-son and father-son) are different, and you almost never stop loving someone you're blood related to. That connection runs deep.

Don't stop your son from having a relationship with his father if the father is willing. You should go to court to make sure you have legal custody, and have the terms of the father's visitation set by a judge so the father knows when he's allowed time with his son. If you need financial help, then file for child support. These are two different issues, and it is not morally right to "rent" your son out only when the father pays.

Nana - posted on 03/02/2016




Thank you for your quick response

I asked his father to assist me in raising our son, however he did not show any interest. He will only send money whenever he wants to pay a visit. He is not there when I need his assistance and therefore I made it clear to him that if he does not want to support his son, then he should never visit him.

I might be wrong by stopping him to visit his son, however I feel like he is just useless because I am doing everything on my own? Please Advise...

Michelle - posted on 03/02/2016




No, you don't need to tell your son the "story of his Father". He will find out himself. All you need to do is be there for your son and let him know that all families are the same.

You say you stopped the money that he was giving you, have you also stopped him from seeing his son? You implied that he only saw his son when he paid money. Your son is NOT a possession that can be bought. Child support and visitation are separate issues and it doesn't matter if a Father pays child support or not, he still has as much right to see his child as you do.

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