Tonya - posted on 02/28/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )
I have a situation that I am sure isn't unique but i desperately need help. my fiance and I have dated for 2 yrs. when we started dating i told him that i had 2 daughters and that their father was in their lives up until 2007 and seems to try to inject himself into their lives every several years. Now when my children were younger i made the decision that he was not fit or reliable for me to trust my children with him. He owes 80k in support also. My fiance new all of this even mentioning oh its just a matter of time and he will be back around trying to get in their lives again. in the 2 yrs my fiance and i have been together, we have had several fights in the privacy in of our room but he got loud and my daughters heard. He apologized and was told this was not acceptable. He acknowledged that and said no more. However, some situation would always seem to come up where he would show his behind where it wasn't private. That was it, my daughters were uncomfortable with him and I had to break it off. After talking through email my fiance said I want to apologize to your daughters and explain to them that i have had some serious health issues that cause me to overreact. I thought well I have health issues too but I don't do that in front of them or around them.
then sometimes he says well my parents fought all the time and im fine and you said that your and their daddy have fought in the past. They forgave him why can't they forgive me?
Bad timing bc just as this split happened, mt daughters father contacted them after 2 years of zero contact and wants to be in their life and they are fine with it. It makes me mad that they are so fine with it but it is not about me. I have to support them right? I am thinking i know he is going to let them down but my daughters are 15 and 12.
I love my ex fiance very much but my daughters have to come first thats why he had to leave.
now that he found out their dad wants to be a part of their life he says that he feels betrayed by all of us and it is unacceptable and i should not allow them to see him after all he has done. If i do that then I feel like that would be wrong. They should be allowed to make their own decision. My fiance says no. he says u don't know anything about him and I would never allow my child to have anything to do with him.
So ultimately, He says tonight to me "you and i are split but still talking and he sneaks back into their lives laughing about causing this rift bc all he cares about is you" I said i have to support their decision and if he hurts them i would hate that but I have to let them decide. so this is what he says, u should tell ur daughters people in love fight and it happens and if they forgave their dad they can forgive me. I will apologize and I need to be there in that house and if you can't do that then we are done for good. my thought is no it isn't ok for you to repeat that type of behavior, my daughters have told me they are uncomfortable around him now because of it as a mother I have to respect that my kids don't feel comfortable with him in the house. He says no they shouldn't be able to decide everything, u need to tell them we are going to be married and we just have to work it out and they shouldn't be allowed to see their dad.
sure seems like a lot of his terms but he insists that I am wrong and if i loved him i would understand and that the fights are not a big deal but they sure seem to be a big deal to them and me. Just looking for others perspective and advice.