"Single" Mom, Co-parenting with a Restraining Order

Sabrinabunnell - posted on 04/20/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I don't know where to begin.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed.

I have 2 kids and I'm currently fighting with shared temporary custody that only gives me my kids from Sunday afternoon to Thursday evening. I don't get a night with them, besides breaks at school, when it isn't homework baths and getting them to bed and up for school in the morning. He cheated on me, he was never around, he was doing drugs and drinking while pretending to be ar N.A. meetings; but actually just buying wine and bringing it to his girlfriend's house while we were married and I was taking care of everything. Now he gets to be the fun weekend Dad every weekend and I get all of the responsibility. My lawyer was fired, and now I'm waiting for a new one but it'll be months before that battle is over; he already has a 5 month old baby with her.

I have a boyfriend but he doesn't have any kids. He tries to help when he can but, again, he doesn't have any kids. He will play with them occasionally but he's still in the mode of sleeping until 2pm and my kids won't ever be his responsibility so I'm pretty much on my own. He's a great guy and he helps with bills and treats me well, it's nothing against him but it's hard to decide if it's the relationship that's going to work out when I'm emotionally drained from trying to break up fights between my daughters and the only time he's awake and available is after 9pm.

I feel like such a bad mom when I'm yelling at my kids to stop yelling and fighting all day and there's almost no reasoning with them, as they're age 3 and age 6. I feel like I waste the time I do have with them trying to give them structure and help them control my emotions when I can't even control my own.

I just need positivity that I'll make it through this and any advice on 6 year olds that already have the attitudes of teenagers. I feel like I'm failing and I have a restraining order on the person I "co-parent" with after he tried to stab me in December.

I'm just so discouraged tonight.

2 Comments

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Renee Velasquez - posted on 04/20/2016

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Let me start by saying your doing a great job.Being a Mom is the hardest job ever and you never get a raise overtime is all the time and mandatory. Lol Im a mom of 6 Im older so I feel worn out most of the time my husband is not in the picture so straight parenting 24/7 Think of your daughters as gifts from GOD kind of on loan use every single second to love them because we never ever know what tomorrow may bring Your a great mom you deserve better now you must make a few choices to reinforce that trust your intuitive nature.If you keep doing what youve always done! Your gonna keep getting what you've always got..Choose wisely

Ev - posted on 04/20/2016

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That is the way it goes. The judge must have felt it was in the best interest of the kids to set up this arrangement. You are just going to have to deal with it and hold your head up. I had a hard custody situation 14 years ago with my ex husband. He provided me a choice--fight in court for the kids or let him have them in a joint custody venture. I had no money to fight and the kids did not need to be pawns. I let him have them. At the least they had something stable to deal with. They knew when dad had them and when I had them. I had most weekends and half of school and summer breaks depending on the years. And more if it was worked out. I could not knowingly put them into a custody battle because of what I wanted. I had to learn to take what I was given and since I did not have the money to take him back to get custody, it had to remain this way for the duration of the kids' lives until 18. One thing I have learned about all this and hearing stories like yours: Its about the kids not the adults. They suffer the most. They do not get a say in what the parents do or decide. They have to go where they are told to. They do not have much of a voice. It is up to the parents to make sure the transition is as smooth as possible and keep it sane and quiet for the kids' sake. I hated having to let them go live with their dad. I cried for a long long time. I was afraid that he would turn them on me, or they would hate me or that they would blame me for everything. In the end, we became closer. We bonded more. And I got their trust, honor, and respect as a person not just as a mom. Today, they are two of my best friends along with my mom and sis. You do not have to like dad but for the sake of the kids get along.

Besides the girls have a right to have a relationship with dad. And one more lesson learned all this time: NEVER take anything for granted.

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