Single mom going through custody court of my 14 month old baby boy :(

Missmanda1130 - posted on 05/27/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I need some advice. My ex and I split up before I even knew I was pregnant, two days to be exact. He has made my life a living hell. Ever since I have had my son he only wants to see Landon when it is convenient for him. When he is not out partying. I filed for Custody and he has been having his new girl friend serve me his response. It is just crazy the things that he does. My question is today we went to court today. We both have lawyers. The judge told us we would have to go to mediation then come back and see her which we knew was going to happen. Mind you he has not seen our son since 4/12. His lawyer tells the judge that I am keeping Landon from him and that they would like some temporary visitation. The judge asked my lawyer and I stated that he could have supervised Visits. His lawyer declined the visits. So the judge stated that she will see us in July when we come back after mediation. Didn't he just hang his self? He is wanting 50/50 custody and lives 65 miles away. He is wanting my baby who is very comfortable to go to two day cares. A judge really isn't going to give him this is he?

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Ev - posted on 05/29/2014

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Amanda-

I totally understand your feelings. I never wanted to have to make the choices I did. But I had no choice really. My kids were always my life. I was the one that took care of them night and day, made sure they got to school, took care of doc appointments, did outside activities with them while dad worked and came home and played with them. On some occasions he would actually do the things for them I did 24/7. My kids were 12 and 5 when their dad decided the marriage was over. He was the one that left the relationship. He was the one that was done. But when it came to custody and visitation, he had a lot of financial resources that I did not have at the time. Is it worth fighting constantly over a child just so YOU have custody? Even if he got joint that does not mean he would have 50/50. The judge could and can order it that You have primary care and he gets weekends and certain holidays. Or you could end up with school year and he gets summers and then the visitation roster would be set according to that. The thing is the judge decides, not you about this whole situation. No matter how good your lawyer is or what this lawyer thinks is best or going to happen, the judge has final say and you have to abide that ruling. And you can always stipulate that you do not want the baby around the drinking, partying and other activities such as this in the court orders and the judge will look at that whole-heartedly. But you must be able to prove he is unfit, a danger, or has some sort of record that can institute the idea of supervised visits. Child support will be ordered regardless of what you want with that issue and it is separate of the Visitation. Its not about you or him but the child. And your child is not going to be 14 months forever. He is going to grow up and when he is older, dad can and could get more time if he wants or change of venue with the custody. I can understand the not wanting the baby around certain things but you have no say over what dad does once the child is with him. And honestly, its anybody's ball game so to speak until the judge makes his decisions.

I am speaking from experience. I have been divorced from dad of my kids for 12 years. I have not only had to deal with his hatred of me but also the women he married who became step moms to my kids. Its an on going thing for the next 17 years until your son reaches adulthood. You will have to try to communicate with dad in one way or another to make sure he gets the information he needs regarding your son together so he can handle things on his end.

Missmanda1130 - posted on 05/29/2014

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I have a calendar from the day that my son was born. When he has my son, my son is around partying and drinking. I am not willing to give my son to him. NEVER! I want him to be part of Landons life but not just cause he doesn't want to pay child support. He can keep his money. Understand that Landon is 14 months and that his dad lives 65 miles away. That is horrible for a baby to be put in that situation. I retained a lawyer and she agrees that 50/50 is not the suitable custody for a baby so young. The distance in its self is horrible. So what is he supposed to go to two different pre schools, kindergartens? That is ludicrous. My son is very attached from me and i will never be willing to give him to his dad full time. It will not happen. Some moms can do it I will not

Ev - posted on 05/28/2014

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It depends on the judge. And it also depends on the laws of your state. Your ex can file for joint custody and get it. Why would that be horrid to do? Before you jump at that, understand that I am a mother who made the choice to let her kids live with dad for a good reason: It was best for them to not be pawns in a custody battle and to have the stability that went with being in one place all the time as opposed to being back and forth in battles. I also chose this because I could not fight him for them nor put them through that anyway and not feel guilty for doing so. I also knew how close I was to my kids and made the best of things as they were. ANd why does he need supervised visits? If there is no reason for believing the child is in any danger of being hurt then a supervised visit is not going to be given. He is the father and has as much right as you do to this baby. It is not up to you to decide when he can see him and that he has to be supervised. WHy did you not bring up that he had not seen the baby because he only wanted to see the child when it suited his own schedule? THe judge should have been told that one. Did you write down on a calender the dates and times of his visits to show the pattern of it? Did you write down dates, times of calls and what was talked about? That information would go a long way in deciding full or joint custody and other things in this.

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