Single mom of 18 yro aspie, advice on helping him live on own.

Shelly - posted on 07/25/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hello new to group, my son just turned 18 he has aspbergers,dx since 3 yrs old also he has oppositional defiant disorder, add and mild learning disabilities. He has been on ssi since 3 and i became disabled 7 yrs ago so we live off ssi. He will be going to technical college next month, refuses to live on campus as he doesnt want to share room. He has been told by people that he now gets his 733$ in ssi a month so he thinks he can do what he wants with money and has no concept that i pay for all his needs including his car ins, clothing everything from that money, he thinks he can live on his own on 733 a month, where we live sec8 or rural housing is slim at best for him and even with that he wouldnt have enough money to survive yet he thinks hes rich, he has no concept of how much things cost tho ive tried teaching him. due to his emotional and verbal abuse over all these years ive had enough, his older sisters cant take him in either bc of behaviors as well. His father is not nor has he been in his life for past 14 years and he is not a nice guy nor would he take care of him , infact he abused him when he was younger because of his emotional and physical out bursts. i love my son dearly and want to see him graduate as he will get a great job as deisel technologist, he has a great work ethic and enjoyed doing a paid internship during high school. Here is my issue I can no longer live with him because of the abuse but i dont know how he will manage without me. I have read so many posts on here that moms still have 25-30 yro living with them. He will not live in an assited home setting, he wants to come and go as he pleases, he has no friends he could rent with. I struggle constantly with guilty feeling of not wanting to live with him anymore, i dont want to abandon him, i fear he will end up being used by not so well meaning people. Any moms out there who have found a way to help child live on own and deal with emotions of feeling like youve abandoned your child any advice would be helpful. We do goto counceling together but seems like councelor makes me give in to whatever he wants, im currently looking for my own therapist who might help me with these tough choices and ways that it could work for both of us. peace, love and happiness to all and thanks

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Elona - posted on 07/26/2015

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Do you have guardianship over him? If you don't you can get one for when he is over 18. It shouldn't be too hard to get one. He needs to have independent living skills and he doesn't. You would need to go to the Social Security office and ask them for advise. Also you may need a lawyer. I had guardianship over my son until he was ready at 25 years old. It worked out well. Next you child NEEDS to live in a group home. At least that's what I would do. Like it or not, he needs to learn to live independently and this is the next step. I told my son if it didn't work out well at home that's where he would go. It motivated him to learn to be independent at home and outside the home. He learned how to talk to people appropriately to people and not fail socially. Many times these children grow up developmentally slower. It looks like this is the case with your son. He needs more time to mature. I hope you can get guardianship of your son. In this way you can have more control over him. It's a hard road, but I know you can do it!

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