Single mom trying to date & complete school..oh & working full-time

Tinisha N. - posted on 09/29/2016 ( 28 moms have responded )

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Like life isn't hard enough raising a child, working full-time and trying to complete college. I failed to say returning to college, I have an associate's degree now I'm 35 credits from obtaining my B.S. I lost my mother this past March. I crave to live...live a great life, full of love and laughs. Seeing my son with a smile on his face is priceless.

Dating on top of adjusting to my normal is hard...any advice. Any advice when it's just been you and your child for so many years? The guy I am seeing is great but I am open to date night ideas, ideas to with my son and the new fella. I want to be able to find a great balance with work, school, family, etc.

Tinisha :)

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Sarah - posted on 09/30/2016

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Unless you are sure this guy is a keeper, I'd be very cautious about starting a relationship between him and your son. If you and he breakup, then that is a loss for your son as well. Your son will thrive on consistency at this age. Knowing what to expect and when to expect it. For you and your son (and the new fella) simple at home "dates" may work out well. Indoor camping; set up a tent or make a fort out of blankets, choose a movie, order a pizza and then just relax. Game night. Baking or cooking with the three of you will build communication and cooperation skills. Afternoon outing to the zoo, museum or parks. I am sure you already know this; but your son must come first. Is his father in the picture at all? Then you could get some free time to spend with your BF and he would not have to be part of the date.

Jodi - posted on 10/06/2016

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But I'd say Gergana is a troll anyway because she goes around answering masturbation questions at far too high a rate to be an actual real person, besides the fact that she claims to be the mum whose son likes to masturbate in front of her. So I'm not going to argue with the troll.

Sarah - posted on 10/06/2016

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Your advice of snagging him by getting knocked up is the most truthful advice? Please! Tale as old as time, get man hooked by getting preggo? Pathetic!

Sarah - posted on 10/05/2016

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Deleting Gergana Rusekowa comments; so sorry for the lack of continuity. Just not productive to the post.
Sarah E Mod.

Jodi - posted on 10/05/2016

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You will do find Tinisha. I totally understand how hard it is - when I broke up with my ex, I had a 2 year old. My ex paid NO child support, so thankfully I had a good job. But I was half way through finishing my Bachelor degree. I worked fulltime, had full time care of my son, except whenever my ex decided he wanted to be a parent for the day, AND had to finish my degree. I was on part time study, thankfully. It took me a total of 7 years to finish my Uni degree, but I fucking did it!!!

How did I do it? I worked 5 days a week, picked my son up at 5pm went home, spent time with him, heated dinner (from the dinner I cooked earlier that week) and then he was in bed at a reasonable time. I then was able to sit down and study for a few hours before bed. Weekends, I spend a day with him, and the day his dad came and got him (if he did), I would cook batches of meals for the week to put in the freezer and I would study as I did it. If his dad didn't turn up....I would do the best I could and still try to cook, but include him.

Dating? That was hard. I met my current husband online. It took us 3 months to organise our time for an actual "date". Just saying. We have now been together for 14 years - we managed it somehow. If it is right it is right. It won't be easy.

28 Comments

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Tinisha N. - posted on 10/07/2016

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Thank you Dove. I can't even with this lady at all-it's sad-that is all I will say.

Dove - posted on 10/07/2016

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Stick to trolling on the masturbation posts. They seem more your maturity level....

Gergana - posted on 10/07/2016

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Why not if she loves him and sees that he loves her ,but do not have the courage to make the necessary steps out of fear to become stepfather of her son. I never told anything against love .Never excluded Love out of the picture . Just to make things as fast as it is possible.

Dove - posted on 10/06/2016

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Thank you Sarah for not deleting all of the troll comments. I was beginning to get confused reading this post. lol

There is absolutely nothing wrong w/ becoming and staying a single mother. And there is absolutely nothing wrong w/ getting involved in a new relationship (provided the child/ren always come first). There is a hell of a lot wrong w/ being deceitful and getting pregnant to try and trap a man. If that actually worked then there would BE no single mothers... and trying to do that just puts an innocent child into the mess and that's something no decent mother would intentionally do.

Good luck to you in all you are doing, Tinisha! ♥

Jodi - posted on 10/06/2016

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I feel sorry for you Gergana. I truly do. It is sad that this is how one must get by in life. I would rather stay single and raise my child myself than to marry a man I had to "trap". Thankfully, I was able to marry a man I love very much and who loves me for who I am, NOT because I trapped him by getting pregnant. What a sad existence that would be.

Gergana - posted on 10/06/2016

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Be mindful! Mine was the only truthful advise no matter that you do not recognize it . With time you will see i was right :)

Jodi - posted on 10/06/2016

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Gergana, NOBODY should be giving advice to another woman to trap a man with a pregnancy. That's just morally wrong, no matter WHO you are. That's all I have to say - nothing else left unsaid.

Gergana - posted on 10/06/2016

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Wow ,that 's what you call democracy round here. Proud of you single moms champions of cooking ,graduating schools ,online dating etc . Now ,go get and hit the real life . I know there is much unsaid maybe it is in your superior culture to be positive and over the truth.Who knows?

Tinisha N. - posted on 10/05/2016

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Jodi!!! You are so amazing. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! You did very well for yourself and thank you for sharing your stories for other mothers.

I have learned that nothing in this life comes easy-it is all what you make it. I am trying to stay positive and uplifted and focused.

Thank you again for sharing your story. :)

Tinisha N. - posted on 10/05/2016

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It is so sad to know that some people believe your body can buy you happiness. I am very grateful for my child and I won't die if I end up single for forever. Things did not work between his father and I. I don't NEED a guy to feel like I am someone-I love me-granted we all have days when we don't feel the best about ourself but guess what the following day-everything is great! There are wonderful men out there but I am building what I want in the meantime. I truly don't believe single parenthood was the goal for many single moms out here-understand that it has made us all stronger and wiser. I joined this forum to be inspired and uplifted and I never expected some of the comments but that's okay too. Thank you all for being encouraging.

Michelle - posted on 10/04/2016

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Gergana: I also feel sorry for you that you live in a very intolerant culture.
I was a single Mother of 2 boys and met a fantastic man who loved my boys as much as I did. He was quite happy not to have one of own as well.
There are wonderful men out there that you don't need to trap.

Jodi - posted on 10/04/2016

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Gergana, clearly you live in a backward culture, because single parenthood is not something to be so ashamed of. I'm sorry you live in such an intolerant place. There are actually plenty of normal men out there prepared to take on a wonderful mum and her child.

Tinisha N. - posted on 10/04/2016

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Jodi,

I won't be taking that advice. I have worked too hard and have a ton of things I have had to overcome even with the child I do have. Which I was married to his father. Thank you for being supportive.

Jodi - posted on 10/03/2016

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Gergana Rusekowa....really?

Tinisha, please do NOT take her advice. That's just entrapment and seriously unethical. The other ladies have some excellent advice and I totally agree with them.

Tinisha N. - posted on 10/03/2016

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Sarah, thank you! My son's father is in the picture and he has visitation. His life isn't as smooth as I would like for it to be-he has a live-in-girlfriend whom I found out about from our son and she has a kid. I have never met her. I was being respectful and introduced him to the new fella...Yes my son is #1 no matter what. I started a chart over the weekend of date nights with just mommy for my son & I.

Beth - posted on 10/02/2016

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Sounds like you are one busy lady and I congratulate you for deciding to go back to school. However, I would definitely put the brakes on having your honey get involved with your child. Most especially if he might not be a "keeper."

Involving a child in a relationship is very confusing for the child. (I speak from experience.) Think if it this way. Mommy brings home a male friend and tries to include child in outings and such with friend. Everything goes well, and then mommy and male friend split. Now child is confused as he has grown to really like friend, maybe love, and not friend is out of his life forever. That is not fair to the child.

I suggest slowing down, you really don't have to have everything now.

Tinisha N. - posted on 09/30/2016

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I'm sorry for your loss as well. There are days were it just sucks! Well we took a break after my mother passed, so about 8-9 months. I have had a lot of stuff going on...My son is 5. I would enjoy doing new things with all three of us.

Sarah - posted on 09/30/2016

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You have a lot on your plate! I am sorry for your loss, my mother has been gone for 4.5 years and I miss her! Keeping your priorities in order can be tough. How long have you been dating this new guy? How old is your son? Are you looking for ideas for the three of you to spend time together?

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