Single Mother Losing It

M - posted on 03/14/2013 ( 48 moms have responded )

14

0

2

I am 27 years old. I am a singlr mother of an eight year old boy...who is friendly, handsome and full of life. But I'm miserable, bitter, and very unhappy. Ive been on my own for 8 years with no help, not even my mother. Ive reached my breaking point because I have no help. I worked four jobs 2012 to make sure that my son doesn't want for anything. I recently left Ohio and moved to Georgia to follow my dreams of going back to school and starting my own bar and lawfirm but I can see its just a dream. I have to now work a regular job again and probably a couple to make it again in another state and I'm completely discouraged because I thought things would be different. But they are not. My son's behavior is terrible again in a new school. Ive only been in Georgia for almost 2 weeks and can't find a decent paying job. I feel like crap miserable bitter and angry because I thought once again that I was following my dreams to better the life for my son. But nothing is happening the way I expect it to. My rent is due by the third and unsure of how that will be done. I dont want to be around my son when he acts out. I already have enough to worry about as far as how I'm going to take care of this house so him acting up in school just make matters worst. I don't want to talk to a counsler because they have issues. Like what can they tell me?? Seriously. I'm all alone and really wanting to give up because Ive done all I can do from my son seeing the counslers and I'm lost.....

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Marilyn - posted on 03/17/2013

1

0

0

wow you have attempted a lot in a short time, with no support and at a stressful time,.I wonder if perhaps you are trying to do too much all at once.You are only relatively young and have all the time in the world to meet someone.
Please take a deep breath and re assess your priorities in life.Try to move forward little by little.If you are going to be studying try to think how it can be funded before committing to a education course.Is there childcare that is affordable and accessible to you.
Why have you uprooted your son and not expected any fallout from this?Children like routine and he must be reacting to so many changes at his young age.Your son may not want materially for anything but I can imagine he doesnt get much good quality of parenting if you are always working or continuosly stressed.
I think you need to start putting your son first and arranging life around his needs before yours, and then look locally if there is any support from other parents nearby and any councillors,You have plenty of time to study when he is older and why go to law school and also try to run a buisness?Surely your priorities must lie, firstly with your son, your income and then anything else is secondary.

Kristi - posted on 03/15/2013

1,355

3

78

Slow 'er down for a minute. Take a few deep breaths. Ok. Now, just out of curiosity, why did you have to move to GA to go back to school and to follow your dreams? And if you've only been there 2 weeks why do you believe everything is already shot to hell?

Single parenting is a bitch, no two ways about that. It sucks to be alone. I lived in NE for about 20 years with 1 friend, who didn't have much time for me at all. I either dated or married abusive assholes so was no better off there. I can understand where you're coming from.

2 weeks isn't much time for anything solid to happen. I know it's frustrating, but it takes lots of people a lot longer than 2 weeks to find any kind of job at all, let alone a good paying one. You said you wanted to open a bar. What about working at one? I know I made bank when I worked at a pub. Although, your son is probably too young to leave at home sleeping.

There is lots of financial aid and grants available for single mothers. You can even get some housing allowance. Have you looked into that? Then maybe work part-time and just sacrifice a little for awhile.

I worked 3 jobs to support my son and daughter. Different dads. I had to pay child support for my son and of course, I wanted him to have everything he needed at my house, too. Well, it turned out what he needed was me, not more clothes or more games. He didn't like being around his grouchy, exhausted mother who fell asleep most of the time he was there. Eventually, he stopped coming over.

My point is, maybe if you were doing something you felt good about, your son would feel better, too, even if that means living in an apartment instead of house or getting new games for holidays and birthdays instead of their release date, renting movies instead of going, etc. Short term loss for long term gain.

Once you start working and/or going to school, you'll start to make friends and you won't feel as alone anymore. Maybe there is a local coffee shop you could go to on a Sat or a Sun each week and get to know people there. My sister did that when she first moved out here, WA, and now it's like Norm! When he walked into Cheers. Maybe you could try church, most of them have awesome youth programs.

Check with the Parks and Rec Dept. to see what kind of activities they have available for kids. That was one of the first things we did when we first got here. It saved my daughter's summer. She didn't make any friends in the last 4 weeks of school and kids picked on her because we're poor and can't afford Hollister, etc. so she was depressed and miserable. But there were lots of activities she could choose from. She did gymnastics (she is actually on the team now) and volleyball. But they have everything, maybe your son could participate in something he enjoys. I bet that help improve his behavior and his attitude, as well.

You've got to have a plan, of course but you need to take things one day at a time. Let go of the things you cannot change. There is no point in adding more stress and worry over something you can't fix right now and in some cases, ever. For example, a collection agency called me yesterday. I owe $465 to my drs office. I want to pay it but I can't. Is it going to affect my credit, probably. Can I change either of those things, not right now. I let it go. It bothers me a little because I don't like to not pay people what they are owed but will my stressing out over it and getting all worked up get it paid any faster, nope.

So, after your son gets home from school and you still haven't heard back from the company you interviewed with today and the repairman can't come to fix the air until tomorrow and your son tells you he got an F on his math test, instead of going ballistic...take a few minutes, relax. Let go of the job interview for tonight, you can give a follow up call tomorrow. The repairman can't come tonight, can't change it but I can get some fans out. Son got an F, can't change it but I can see what he's having trouble with and try to help him or I can email his teacher and set up a time for extra help. Hopefully, you won't feel so overwhelmed and you'll feel productive. You and your son can have some dinner and play a game or go for a walk, whatever you like to do together. The less stress and negativity he sees and feels from you, the more secure he feel and the less likely he is to act out.

I'm sorry to add so much stuff about myself in there. I wasn't trying to say I had it worse or whatever. I was just trying to let you know I wasn't just blowing smoke out my ass and hoping that it would give you some encouragement that things can work out and be ok even if they aren't exactly what we hoped for. Hang in there. It ain't over till the fat lady sings...you don't go to the opera do you? ; )

Ty - posted on 04/09/2013

76

0

19

I am sorry your are struggling. Life is hard and it seems like you and your son are going through a lot. Prayer can bring you peace but I know you want more than peace you want to know that everything will be alright...in peace though you can find the strength to make to where you are trying to go. You seem incredibly strong..I wish I was as strong...and I think that you can endure this storm and keep moving toward your goals. Find a Church...help will come...what about your school? Do they offer family housing? Financial aid? Also I noticed that you said you didn't want to see a counselor because they have issues...that's the point though they have issues and have worked through many of them, maybe they can give you some assistance becuase they have been through there own storms. I wish you the best.

t

Melissa - posted on 03/15/2013

44

9

0

I am so sorry you are so frustrated. I am the mother of 13 year old twins (boy/girl). I can only imagine what you are going through. There are many days I feel like giving up, you are not alone. Do you have any spiritual faith? Do you attend church? If so I would encourage you to reach out to your minister, priest or preacher. The church is a good resource for you. I pray that God will give you strength to trust and know in His love and be guided by him. If your son becomes or is involved in a youth program or sports this too may help guide him toward better behavior or relationships. Do you have any family you might be able to lean on? There are support groups for single moms at many churches or that meet at civic organizations. Perhaps this might be an option? It is normal and ok to feel like you are at the end of your rope. You just need more rope. God can help, he can send you someone to supply some more rope. I pray you will seek His face and look for good things. God is faithful and just not to test you beyond that which you can handle, He will provide a way of escape. Look for the moral way to escape. It is there, sometimes others can help you find open doors you thought were closed. Don't give up. Are there other single moms you could befriend? Also, school counselors usually have many resources and can often provide help for students and families. Contact the school counselor and request a consultation, they often work quickly. Additionally they often can send you to service providers who will give free help. I am praying for you across the miles. Remember, your son relies on you. Try and validate him and let him know you care about him several times throughout each day. Young kids need to feel validated esp. when they are being single- parented. Listening, having compassion and giving him your quality love and attention are more important than the quantity of things you can give him. Learning to trust, care, nurture and love are far more important than materialistic things. You are still young. You might feel like your life is half over but you have lots of time yet to chase dreams. Ten years from now you won't remember the shoes you bought or the electric bill. You will remember and miss that little boy who seemed to grow up overnight and wish you still had those days. Try to have him help you around the house. make breakfast for dinner , doing homework or fixing a leaky pipe together is a great way to bond. Hang in there mom, things will get better.

Lana - posted on 04/12/2013

231

0

9

He needs YOU! not things..... Stop working so much. He's acting out so you will pay attention to him. Stop buying THINGS! I don't mean to be blunt I'm sure you are wonderful, but slow down and play with him.

48 Comments

View replies by

Michael - posted on 02/26/2014

8

0

0

Love to talk and even better help call me 404 642 8699. We will give up.michael

Jessica - posted on 04/19/2013

5

0

0

Where is the father? You really should have thought it through before having this child ...

M - posted on 04/14/2013

14

0

2

Thanks all so very much. Im doing a little better. No school for me yet. :-( But I have a job and my son and I are in family counseling and I mean I talk this ladies ear off, but it helps a little because she sort of relates. But again thanks all. Will keep you lovely ladies posted.

Jessica Leigh - posted on 04/14/2013

19

0

1

Hi. First I like that you started off praising your son. If you have a college degree you will wind up in a higher paying income bracket. I am a single mom too and I know how hard it is! I have the discouraging parents. My son Ezra will be 8 this summer. It is heart breaking to be single for so long. My hair is going white. Ezra loves to run around naked. He just came in my room to pass gas at me. (He is also a gymnast). I am right there with you. Trust me.

Alia - posted on 04/14/2013

5

0

1

The best for you is to do what any mom would do. Be a good influence for your child. Work those jobs! Come home and have a sour back and be tired but u still have to love your son. If your miserable do something about it! Don't complain seek help. And if your so bitter find something to make you happy. Like a boyfriend? Your single? Right? If your rent is due by the third get a loan... but make sure u can at least pay it back. If your mom doesn't care about you and she wont reach out to u. Find someone else. Don't complain! Do something about it. We are a circle of moms. We are here for each other. :)

Jamieandy - posted on 04/14/2013

11

0

0

i think you need to have a long talk with him. you do not have to be stressed just dont worry it will be fine and ok.

Shelly - posted on 04/13/2013

14

0

0

If you draw close to God you will find support in Him and those that serve him.

[deleted account]

Hey Mommy. the only advice I have is the only advice you need. GIVE IT TO GOD and PRAY. He will give you strength, peace, joy, financial help, direction, energy, wisdom, and guidence. You have completely described a life to a T, without God calling the shots. And nothing willl change untill you do. Not pointing a finger I WAS JUST THER MYSELF WITH TWO TODDLERS.=) Good Luck and godbless. These are the keys put that were handed to me that I finally accepcted. All I can so is pray you do the same. The amazing thing is how fast the TURNAROUND!! PRAISE GOD and Ill be praying for you MOMMY =)

Sharon - posted on 04/08/2013

9

0

1

Hey girl!
i can totally relate about your dream goal but you have to try to work with what you have right now.
Main focus is your son adjusting to new school and discipline and set time for him. ( I had same problem with my five year old.example ' have a mommy and son day! '
every week if possible or every other week and talk to him and tell him if he behaves at school he would get a reward.( like nintendo for an hour or whatevery he intersted in )

Make a five year plan and work from there for your life, career goals. Baby steps ( i wish we can snap our fingers and have it all but its hard with kids and i have two)

Hope i can help

Yolanda - posted on 04/07/2013

37

0

2

Ms. Mercedes,
Please remember to love and discipline your son consistently. It's not his fault that your life isn't turning out. He's a kid and has no say in the matter.If he knows you are upset and unhappy, and believe me, he does, it will only make him worse. His little heart is crying out to you. Plus a new school can't be easy for him. Also he'd much rather have your time and love than have everything you can give him. It's okay to want him to have stuff but it is you and your commitment he needs. Don't give up , he'll be grown before you know it.

Isabel - posted on 04/04/2013

3

0

0

I am a single mother of a 17, 15, 12, 10. My fifteen year old is the only girl and I am so thankful for that because she is driving me insane. Everytime she has a bad moment she throws the, "I'm moving in with daddy as soon as I can!" line. It's like a stab to my chest every time I hear it. I do everything for my children. He plays super dad 3 days a month and he's the hero. I can't help but regret beign a parent sometimes. I sacrificed so much for this. So that in the end they just leave anyway. My boys have never said that. In fact my oldest has told her she's being ridiculous. I told her to go ahead. Even though I don't want her to. I don't think he's a good role model. Maybe I shouldn't tell her that. But I get upset. I don't know what to do.

LaMesa - posted on 04/04/2013

3

0

0

You need to put yourself in your sons shoes. Do you think this big move has affected him and he is acting out because of it? I moved twice last year all in the same town and it took a toll on my children. I am a single mom with my entire family living on the west coast while I live on the East. You and your son both should see a counselor, this will help both of you get through your temporary troubles. As for your job, I wanted to be a nurse but with my two kids I had to change that but I can still work in the medical field. You may have to adjust your life but you don't have to give up on it. I wish you the best of luck.

Cc - posted on 04/03/2013

163

0

18

First, I want to give you respect for doing it on your own. My sons' father is around and so are my parents and I still break down sometimes. Being a single mother is hard. I have a lot of friends who are doing it alone and I can see how they struggle on a regular basis.

Second...Do NOT give up on your dreams. Yes, your child should be your number one priority, but if you completely lose your own identity it will only make things worse. You need to focus on one goal at a time though. If going to school is a possibility, then go for it. If you need to do online courses, do it! Don't stress too much about how you will start a business until you get the degrees needed. It may not happen until your son is in college, and that's okay. You are young, you have time.

Third....Finances are a bitch and always will be. You definitely should apply for government assistance if you haven't already. Of course you will need to keep a regular job because bills will never go away. Don't compare yourself to other young entrepreneurs because none of them have the same life as you. Even if it seems like they do, they don't. I agree with what another mom said about giving your son responsibility. Let him earn money to buy what he wants. It will teach him to save, to handle his money in the future, and will give him patience.

Lastly...Counseling only works if you let it. It will always be unsuccessful if you close your mind to it. They don't tell you what to do, but will listen to your needs and help you organize your priorities and goals. I'm not saying you need to, but asking that if you feel you need help and don't have the support, to open your mind to the possibility. I am a social worker and yes, I have issues, but never brought them into a session with a client. I was trained to work around what the client wants to work on and to offer guidance and support where needed.

You can do this, mom! I hope you found a way to pay your rent. Blessings to you and your son.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/03/2013

275

0

14

I understand you're against counselors, but they can offer great advice and lead you to somethings that may help. Definitely try a Christian counseling center because they are more open to helping in the right ways. They can lead you to groups and communities that can back you up in life.

I hope that helps some... I'm not good at this because you're literally living everything that I'm afraid of. I'm so sorry, I can only pray that things get better for you and your son. Keep your head up girl.

Sharon - posted on 04/02/2013

10

0

1

Mercedes ?
Gail has good advice too the move was your idea so find the fun and adventure -- hikes are free and so is a lot of other together activities. Pay the rent and get to community building for both your sakes please. He is looking from cues from you. You are responsible

Holly - posted on 04/02/2013

1,250

18

518

I realize this was posted about 3 weeks ago... I hope i am not too late. I am sorry that you own mother doesn't/can't help you. but don't resent her for it. your son should have as many people in his life that love him as possible. I have been a single mother, of 2 children. I have no real dreams and goals, other than to be an awesome mother. but that is something that you need to remember that you can not "not let your child want" this is going to create a spoiled child. what you should do is give your child an allowance, and make him EARN his allowance by doing chores around the house (sorting laundry, taking out trash, feeding/bathing/cleaning up after a pet) chores that go above and beyond cleaning his room, although that should be done regularly as well. and he can buy his toys from there on out. making sure that your son doesn't go wanting isn't going to help you pay rent. You are going to have to look into govt assistance. as it is now... as long as you can prove that you are looking for a job they should be able to give you assistance with food and shelter. I would take anything you don't need (TV, game systems, games, etc) and see if you can put them on craigslist/ or pawn them come up with as much as you can toward your rent.

Sharon - posted on 04/02/2013

10

0

1

Reach out to a community. Neighbors family who ever you've got for him and for you. If you don't have this support get started on befriending the street more good people in your lives support both of you. You don't want help in isolation or at the expense of son. He too feels it
Do it together cause there is no other fairy to clean up after us if we don't no one else can even offer

Sharon - posted on 04/02/2013

10

0

1

I would put aside time for my son rather than look at providing more than basic stuff Roof food and safety First. But happiness ,I suspect his and yours. will come from giving him time. Your time to each other a gift.
Supernanny type shows always recommend unplugging the family from electronics. My family have no phone days. We have no tv until Thursday during the school week. And my daughter rarely asks to play wii or watch it. She usually asks me to go outside with her.
Stop the activities that encourage you and your son to quiet and in your own heads. It seems you have a hard enough time. Learn to live with each other and he is certainly old enough for that conversation

I work two jobs. My daughter has one after school activity that we just started this year and I'm fighting breast cancer. I urge you to choose happiness and kindness. Yes I get its hard but you are impacting both of you. Watch forks over knives too. It might help you think about food and tiredness in a different way.
I hope you can find the joy in being two I hope your son has at least one friend that he can ask for a sleepover-- once a month without full responsibility can be enough to break the burden rather than it break you.
Stay on top of it. You want your son turning to you rather than avoiding you. Approach him and talk without complaining. I need ---for us and ask what do you need from for us
Time to stay in the silence of each other and the chatter of each other

Talk and choose happiness be great full after a week of specific things.
You can cause you want better we wish you better too

Ebony - posted on 03/27/2013

3

0

0

I think u need 2 talk with someone who is licensed 2 give mental advice. Seems like u have alot going on in life and need professional help. Hope things get better.

Lorrie - posted on 03/22/2013

8

0

0

speaking with a counsler is your very first step they wont tell you what you should or shouldnt do they listen to you and dont pass judgement having someone that listens to how your heartaches and how lost and lonely you are can make you realize you havent lost anything you and your son do have a life with many years ahead to look forward to sometimes we set our expectations of what our life should be so high we cant deal with anything less your son maybe acting out in reflection of how your viewing yourself and your life I am a single mom with 3 sons and it can be a nitemare and pure hell not having any support from family and freinds and I have great respect for all you are going thru if we dont take care of ourselves mind and body we cant care for anyone else giving up isnt an option everyone has mountains to climb sometime or other and the best part is when you get to the other side and look back and your proud to see how far you came and only you can take the credit if you feel you want to give up so will your son you are all he has and life isnt what you hoped or dreamed it would be but never give up on yourself and that little guy I feel your pain and share in so much of what you are going thru we all have dreams and as long as we do nothing is lost

Jennifer - posted on 03/21/2013

7

0

0

I feel for you, I have a 6 month and I'm on my own. My daughter's father and I separated when she was only 2 months old. With no help from him, no help from my family. My mothers has passed & my father is somewhere in NY, too busy with OTHER famliy. I'm 24 and for the last 4 months I have been desperately searching for a job. Not having a car doesn't help either. Luckily, I had a friend take me in. It's only temporary and I know I'm hanging on a thin line here as it is. She's single with no children-and had NO idea what bringing in a colicky infant would do to her lifestyle. I hate being a burden, I hate not being able to support my daughter the way she deserves. I hate that she cries and cries all day EVERYDAY without consolation. I feel like I'm doing a horrible job as a mother on a daily basis. Wondering what my next step will be. But, I just keep my head up-because it's not about me. It's about my daughter. She needs a good mommy, despite how exhausted and pissy I am all the time. I just know things will get better. One day, but until then-I'm doing my best & that's all I can do. And I have to be comfortable with myself at the end of the day and know that what I'm doing IS enough, and there's more room for hope than failure :) ♥

Gail - posted on 03/20/2013

10

4

3

Your on your own ...and so is your Son ..you have moved he away from all he knows....and he can see your not happy...How do you think he should be acting....I wound be acting out too....this was your dream and it can still be...pull yourself together...it's not about you....sorry but have been a single mother for 18 years and yes it's hard and sometimes loney but you have to do what you have to do...

Lou - posted on 03/19/2013

8

0

1

Mercedes, my dear. I just read a post you wrote a couple days ago. You mentioned something that struck a cord with me. You said that you are not patient and that you want everything and want it right now. Yes, that. as you said, is a problem. Yes, you do need to get your head together. Start putting your son and his needs ahead of your wants. I'll tell you from experience, it works better that way. And, you'll thank yourself later!
I do hope the best for you and your precious son.

Lou - posted on 03/19/2013

8

0

1

Hi, Mercedes; You have my heart. I understand single parenting, for I was single with two daughters for 10 yrs. I didn't date or have any relationship with anyone during that time. I was lonely at times. But, I felt it was all about my children. It was never about my wants... That being said, I learned to be content until the right man for me ...and my children... would be given me. This gift did come along at the right time.
At times during my single parenting I was miserable and bitter and felt discouraged. Prayer became my main avenue of dealing with all of this. I learned that Jesus was never married, and I concluded that he must understand my loneliness. With that, I prayed daily for help in dealing with my distressing misery.
Something that really helped me was bonding with other single moms. We all had our single mothering in common and were able to console one another. Sometimes that's exactly what we need. Even though we are dealing with various situations that are un-changable, we then have others to talk to who can truly empathize with us. Empathy we get from someone in the same or like situation carries much more weight in value than that of ones who can only 'try' to sympathize. The latter ones don't know from experience what we are going thru. So, my point? Find those who have situations like yours. Those who are single 'and' have no helper. But, better yet, find those who've been thru it and can truly feel what you're going thru.
Tell me more about you. How do you deal with your stress? Do you express your feelings to or in the presence of your son?
What is bothering your son to cause him to act up at school? My daughters were total opposite in personality. The oldest never seemed to let anything bother her. She just let things roll off her like water off a ducks back. The other girl seemed to let everything bother her. She cried if someone looked at her a certain way. She was my big challenge. Everything I went thru, she went thru it with me. I couldn't hide my stress from her. But, I learned to keep from expressing my thoughts in the presence of either of them. I learned to talk about my problems at the right time and in the right place. Not in front of my children.
Please don't think I'm being assuming here. I am not. I can only tell you what I have learned from my own mistakes. If that is helpful I'm glad to be of help. If not, please forgive me for seeming too forward.
My best advise is: Get your feelings out. In the right setting; at the right time; with the right person/people. Never let your son see you (or hear you) stressing over your situation. If he does he may do one, or both of two things. (1) Blame himself, or (2) Try to fix it or to help you fix it. We must never allow our children to take our burdens upon themselves. They are children and they need to be children, not little adults.
You didn't mention if the father has any contact with your son. I'm not saying that you must say so. But, whatever the answer is to that, he needs friends his own age... surround him with such, if possible. Another thing he may need is a mentor. All children need a male figure in their lives, especially boys. But, with this in mind, keep his association wholesome. And don't just pick any male figure. You, of course, want to guard against allowing any further harm coming to your son.
I want to tell you also, I do have a son with my current husband. He just turned 21 and has left our care to be on his own. There is nothing stronger than the love between a mother and her son. I love my girls very much. But, it's different than the bond my son and I share. I hope you feel the same type of bond with your son. If so, do all in your power to keep that bond. Love him, hold him, and always tell him how you feel about him.

Karleen - posted on 03/19/2013

1

0

0

I know all to well what you are going through my daughter is 11 going on 16 at times and as a single parent i feel like it never gets easy. But I started praying and gradually things started to feel better. I put down my foot and stick to all her punishments no matter what and now she is becoming my friend, we talk a lot, she understands when i have and when i dont because i explain that we have to work hard for the things we need and harder for the things we want. I am not saying that things are perfect now but they are better. God is good and he will see you tru

Felicia - posted on 03/19/2013

1

1

0

Well you just need to handle one thing at a time. Are try to room with someone til u can handle all the pressure,Stress is one of the leading killer. U have to take control as the parent. Put your foot dwn when he acts out u correct it then not later when he's forgot. Kids feeds off our actions as well , make a plan. Start takin toy or things he likes til his behavior is acceptable. Then slowly give things back with limits. Hope things works out.

Siba - posted on 03/18/2013

1

12

0

I feel your point I understand very well what you are going through, I have been there but I get a lot of support from my siblings. All I can advise you to do is to pray and ask God for guidance, wisdom and courage He is able to help. I know when you go through difficult times you cannot even say a prayer but please try and God bless you and your son.

Kelly - posted on 03/18/2013

1

0

0

Your son is adjusting too. Remember, this isn't his fault. He is an innocent by standard. He didn't ask to be born, he needs you and counts on you. It is important to have a good support system and it sounds like is what you need. I'm a single mom and in school. I think talking to a councilor or maybe a pasture at a local Christian church could be beneficial. You shouldn't feel like your alone!

Stephanie - posted on 03/17/2013

5

0

0

Hi Mercedes,
I don't know which part of GA you are in, but if its close enough please look up Metro Atlanta Christian Center. There is an AMAZING couple there, Pastor Marty Carnegie and his wife Barb. They can help you sort through all of this. I have felt the hopelessness and despair you are describing and that was a crucial time where I chose to cry out to God for help. Miracles began to take place and I could tell you many stories of all that has transpired since then. (That was 98) I am a mom of four:)

Sy - posted on 03/17/2013

3

0

0

Hey. You're not alone in feeling this way. Believe me many of us are in this boat together! We live in a selfish world that puts too much value and faith in worldly pleasures and possessions before valuing what really matters- family, your loved ones. Even if they are precious few. Dysfunctional, not quite what you want them to be like.:-( But still YOUR family. I find that I'm having to fight for everything I cherish. Everything. Sometimes even to stay alive is a battle. But you know in the depths of my despair a voice says to me I will survive this and will come out stronger. As awful as you feel now...one day when victory is yours you will feel just as happy. And forget all the pain. This too shall pass I'm told. You were made fearfully and wonderfully. Cherish that knowledge and put your faith in The Lord. Really works. May you find comfort and peace with our Saviour. May all your problems seem like they don't exist and you come out shouting winner. I know you will! You're a mother! The greatest role a woman can be honoured with! Most times I have discovered all our problems are really a state of mind. Every problem has a solution. We just need the strength to solve them. Your little boy needs his mummy. Give him all you have. You won't regret it I promise. God bless you. In Jesus name amen.

Susan - posted on 03/17/2013

78

20

0

Please get in touch with the local United Way. They can help with some ideas about jobs, financing, where to get temporary help with rent, utilities and food... It takes a while to get settled in a place - definitely much longer than a couple of weeks.

Natasha - posted on 03/17/2013

4

0

0

I know how you feel. I have failed at many things and it made me depressed. It has taken me years to get back on track. I think that you have to pace yourself, get a little professional advice. There are tons of government programs and free counseling available. Fha loans can help you purchase a home. Your son seems frustrated also. Counseling may help him also. Florida is cheap to live in but jobs are hard to find. I will finish my degrees next year. I actually had to sacrifice and move back in with my family. I gave up my freedom but I will be financially stable when I'm done. Idk if that's an option for you, but sometimes you have to give up a little to gain a lot. Good luck to you and your son.

Lesley - posted on 03/17/2013

11

6

0

Sounds like you're overwhelmed and exhausted. I would suggest that you see a counsellor. Before you say no think about it. There's nothing 'wrong' with either you or your so but you are going through a huge transition and its highly likely that he is feeling just as scared, tired and overwhelmed as you are. Children just act out in different ways. If you're miserable, theres a good chance he is too, and its you're job to make him feel safe. A good counsellor would help you get your head on straight, compartmentalize your challenges and develop some coping strategies. It is very empowering to make a plan and start to work towards it. At the very least you'll be better equipped to help your son cope, One thing I do when I feel my life spinning out of control (yes it happens to all of us-single, married, kids,no kids, affluent, poor etc) is make a vision board. Not to get all new age on you but it really helps clear your mind and bring your goals and dreams to the forefront. For example, put a picture of a happy peaceful time you and your son enjoyed, create a zero balance visa statement, and a picture of the bar you want to own etc. The pictures don't have to be exact, they just need to represent what you want in your life. Put it in your bedroom so its the first thing you see when you wake up and the last thing Have your son make one too. Just a bunch of pictures of things that make him happy and things he wants to do in his life. It might surprise both of you what ends up on the boards. It's a great visual to remind you what you're working for. I'm in sales and I always post my goals and inspirational thoughts around to remind me why I'm working. We cut out pictures from magazines or print stuff off the Internet. You can get recycled magazines from book or convenience stores. Just tell them it's for a youth craft project (which it is). When magazines don't sell they send the cover back for a refund and throw away the rest. Try it-you've got nothing to lose. Only you can change your situation-it may not be easy but there's always a way...you just need to get creative.
Good Luck!!!

M - posted on 03/16/2013

14

0

2

Elizabeth Davis he has seen 2 therapist that discharged him because there was nothing wring. Why would I waste my time again? Thats the reason I don't want to have him see a counsler. They aren't much help in my eyes. I don't like sitting face to face talking to someone about my problems. I'm mot into all that. I tried it. Not a fan of it.

Jessica - posted on 03/16/2013

1

41

0

Don't be discouraged. There are many things that get worse before they get better. Keeping working towards your dream and you WILL have all that you desire. I know it can be tiresome at times. I'm a single mother of two boys 6 and 7 even though I have help from my parents, it can be a struggle because their father does things differently than I do. It frustrates me. Keep your goal in your eye sight, do NOT loose it. I hope it gets better soon.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/16/2013

148

16

2

You and your son would benefit greatly from seeing some sort of counselor. You need to find out the reason he is acting out and the reason you are so depressed. You say they have "issues". It sounds to me you have some issues you may need third party input on. Why are trying to purposely keep your son from a counselor? Your last sentence kinda worries me. That you've done "all you can to keep him from a counselor"? That's kind of scary. I'm sure his school has a guidance counselor that he would benefit from talking to. Is there something you don't want someone outside finding out about? I'd advise some professional help now before your situation has gotten out of your control.

Gail - posted on 03/16/2013

3

0

0

Hi Mercedes
Sounds like you have had alot to deal with and it doesn't help when there is just you.
Kids always seem to play up and pick up on moments when you are feeling lousy.
I am reading a great book at the moment that may help you: The Happiness Trap - Stop Struggling, Start Living by Dr Russ Harris.
I have also been through alot with 2 kids & without both my parents so I can understand where you are coming from.
Something that helped me was: you have to look after you so you can look after them.
Stay strong - never give up.
Wishing you all the best.
G

M - posted on 03/15/2013

14

0

2

Thanx Kristi, as far as working at a bar. Ive done that in Ohio and the money was decent. I moved to Georgia because they have more opportunities for me at least I thought. I have a bartrnding job here that I started Monday and it sucks. No one tips and I'm not use to that at all. Any little money I make it goes in my gas tank because I have to get my son to school and go to work. I want to quit the bar job because I also am not use to getting paid until the end of thr week on a sunday. Its driving me crazy. I tried so hard to get my credit back togthr within the last year and a half and now my carnote is behind and 2 of my credit cards. So I worked so hard for my credit to fall apart. I put in 34 resumes/applications and no phone calls. Ive even called back some of the ones I applied for last week when I moved here and nothing. I really feel like giving up because I do my best and I never get ahead. I got my small goals out the way by getting my credit together, getting a new car and moving out of state, but now can't pay credit card bills, carnote and soon rent. I don't want to look for a job today nor go to this bar I dont make money at. Im kind of out of it. I have a friend that I met here when I came to visit and he gives me good words of encouragement and I like him, but I don't have my shit togther and I'm very negative and I'm afraid ill push him away. He told me he was in my position when he moved here from California and that it did take him time to get on his feet. I just don't have patience and don't himk I ever will. Thats my biggest flaw. I want everything now and frankly tired of struggling and waiting.

J - posted on 03/15/2013

2

0

2

I understand your view on councelors. However there could be some out there that could help. There are Christian councelors. They may be able to provide you with helpful suggestions or solutions that you might not have thought of. If you are at wits end it could be helpful to you & your son. I know it is difficult, but you also have to remember that you are all your son has. You have to take care of you to be able to take care of him. I hope this helps, may God bless you and your son. Hang in there.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms